GAZUMPED!!!

Mes amis,..... a tragedie most tragique has occurinated... let me you tell....

Mes amis... Moarose has taken a break from his holiday in Malta to a hosue in London buy.

He is in teh charming city of Londres, England so he can find himslef a hosue that is worthy of his geynius. But he porblems hit even before he he arrivinated. He searched for porperties on teh intern-net taht might of his geynius be worhthy.

BUT he quicjkly founded taht he was priced out of teh top end of teh market!!!?!@1?!?!??????!!! This was inconceivable!!.!?! INCONCEIVABLE!?!????!!!@@ It could not be! Mwaroce a grate geynius is, & so teh best of everything shuold have.

SO it did n't take him long to come to teh conclussion taht he would just have to buyinate teh bestest house possible, even if it bank rupted him for ever& ever. It worth it would be. It would teh message send taht tihs geynius would not settel for 2nd or 3nd best.

SO he around searched & tihs hosue found:

Quality 12 bedroom property for sale in Campden Hill, Kensington, London, W8 - unmodernised, garden, tennis court, garage, planning permission, swimming pool, wine cellar, cottage, country house - Price on application

So he looked at teh web-sight listing & he it much lieked. It was worhtyt of teh geynius of Morrose. So he a viewing of teh porpety arranginated, and indeed he it on Tuesday managed to inspectinate wiht teh Real Estate Agent. He an extensive tuor of teh hosue had & he it much lieked, so he an offer of £42,000,000 to teh real estate agent maded. Teh unreal estat agent was wiht tihs mutch happy, so we back to his car went.

Unfrotunately, taht is when tihngs started to go worng. A car next to us pulled up & Marose by it was much annoyed as it had wery loud rap music playinating which Merose annoyed. SO he went over to complain & TEHN he noticed taht this car -- a big Limousin -- was FULL OF CASH -- all £50 & £100 notes, too, mes amis -- Mjwrose would tohse recognise any where,.

Tehn a man wiht short dark hair & dark glasses got out of teh car. He was wearing a black suit & blakc tie, & looked intimidatating. Maorise was certain he a gun had.

"Hello," he said, "am wery important Russkiĭ business man & am to be havink absolutely no connection to KGB or Russian Mafia, da?" Teh real estat agent noded nerviously. "Am vantink to buy house, da? Pay cash, is good, da?"

Again teh rael estate agent nodded, but thihs time maybe more excitidely tahn nervously.

"Good. Am offer  £100,000,000 for tihs hosue, in cash, no qvestions, da? You accept, da?"

Marose was just abuot to explain explanitorially taht he had an offer on teh hosue made, & also he a grate geynius was, so tihs gentelman it could not ahve, when teh rael estate agent push me aside & said "Yes, of course, sir, that would do nicely."

Móarose was abuot to protest, but he had been pushed off to one side. Maorose! Teh grate geynius!!! Of course he reacted wiht teh calmness & composure for which he is famous. He went back & protested his case most calmly. Maorose might ahve slightly hit tehm with his duck-handled walking stick. Even so, teh rael estate agent taht angry did not have to get & teh highly respected & legitimate Russian business man did not at Moarose have to shootinate. He is certain taht a few stiches are all thats need for the slight cuts to the real estate agents face, & the estate agents car will be fine once a panel beater has beaten out some of teh dents & scratches. And he only broke half teh windows on teh limousine.

Eh bien. Meorose was left to walk back to his ho-tel. Walk!! Teh indignity.

Merise he knows taht Russian business men are highly respected in U.K. business circles as being wery reliable & respectable so he not surpised taht he a hosue in teh U,.K, wanted to buyinate. But he should have realised taht Mierose was teh grater geynius of teh two, & Conceded tihs house to Maoroçe.

On teh bright side, Maorise was abel to grab several handfulls of £100 notes in teh confusion (wiht money flying everywhere) wehn he broke teh windows of teh Russian gentlemans car & tehm in his pockets stuff. So he ahead is. By £20,000.

Mierose is tihinking of maybe a hosue in Greenwich buying. Okay, so may be it not quite as glamorous as Kensignton is, but at least tihs way he will not himself bankrupt for ever & ever.

And may be he should also a country estate some wherre in teh English cuountryside most charming.

Or maybe he shold his town hosue in Edinborough buyinate???

Decisions, mes amis, decisions....!!!1!

teh MALTESER FALCON

Mes amis... Mjerise has much amazinating things to relate to all his eager fans.

Eh bien... Morose on Malta a much amazinating discowery has discovered. Whilst he was here, he heard abuot something called "TEH MALTESER FALCON".

INITIALLY Meroçe thought taht this MALTESE FALCOLN a rare bird was, and asked teh locals where he cuold it see. But Agliè explained explanitorially taht actually it a rare sculpture was that was maded by teh TEMPLARS in 1539.

Aglíe quoted from his famuous book The Templars and the Secret History of Europe since 1300 : "In 1539 the Knight Templars of Malta, paid tribute to Charles V of Spain, by sending him a Golden Falcon encrusted from beak to claw with rarest jewels——but pirates seized the galley carrying this priceless token and the fate of the Maltese Falcon remains a mystery to this day."

HMMM... much intrigueinating, mes amis ....

Mes amis, Mierhose abuot this much thought. OKAY, OKAY so it had for many centruries been lost. BUT a geynius such as Moerose had not for it looked, and that much different is. Merjose knewhe would succedinate where others had failed... he knew it. Thats what makes HIM a geynius!!!1!

Eh bien, after much inwestingating he fuond a man in a tiny antiques markret called M. Bogart Spade. HE teh Maltese falcon knew where it was, and togherteher they were abel to it track down.

PHOTO OF M. BOGART SPADE WIHT TEH FALCON..

Eh bien, but that not entirely abuot Mierose is & is tehrefore boring so Mierojse will not botherinate to abuot you all tihs TEDIOUS stuff abuot finding it narrate, as it much tedious is. Teh IMPROTANT thing is that Merise is a grate geynius, & it was his inteligant detectoring taht led to him finding teh MALTESE FALCON. Hidden in a box of Maltesers.

Eh bien, teh important bit is taht Merose (a grate genius) had got teh Maltese falcon, not who broke into what millionaire's house, or any rubbish liek taht.

Well, now he it had, he had teh MALTESE FALCON , he needed to decidinate what to whith it do. 

Much difficult, mon ami, even for a geynius of Mèorose's stature. 

It an object of much power is. 

But it also much waluable is, & Maeruce couold wiht teh money do. SO, he cuold also it sell. And Aglie in it was much interested.

BUT did Morośe want to taht much power to Uglie want to give?!?!?!??? He cuold not decidinate. Ewentually, thuoght, Muerise decided to risk it wehn Âglei an undisclosed but large sum (€9,620,000.99) for it offered to pay. It too much of a good offer was to refusinate. So he it to Aglie sold.

NOw I just need to what to with the muny do figure out.

MORE EXCITING NEWS SOON... including more abuot Merisse his MALTESE HOLYDAY. Also, he maybe is tihnking abuot buying a hosue in teh Untied Kingdom.

2009 Castello di Murrhyse: teh whines

Aglié has porvided Mwrise wiht a list of teh grate whines that Castello di Mwurise has producinated from teh 2009 wintage. Teh list was written by Aglié, so Murrhose must apologiese for teh many speling mistaekes taht Agly (a lesser mind tahn Mirose) has made.

So, wihtout further adieu, here is teh list of whines. Get your pens raedy to order ALL OF TEHM!!

Ultra-Premium wines

2009 Castello di Maurice ‘Il Genio del Vino’ Castelli Romani DOC Rosso
Price: €40.00
Release date: July 2012
A blend of Sangiovese, Merlot and Montepulciano. Inspired by the Genius of Maurice de Perfossor. Wines made from a blend of Sangiovese, Montepulciano and other red grapes were discussed by a Templar manuscript written in 1621, and were apparently a favourite of the Grand Master of that time.

2009 Castello di Maurice ‘The Rosey Cross’ Castelli Romani DOC Rosato
Price: €30
Release date: July 2010
Our premium rosé, made in a style described in an ancient Rosicrucian manuscript. A blend of Sangiovese and Cesanese.

2009 Castello di Maurice ‘La Spada di Seta’ Castelli Romani DOC Bianco
Price: €35.00
Release date: July 2011
A light yellow wine that says little, but reveals much. According to ancient Templar traditions, this type of wine was drunk every year at Templar banquets to mark Easter and the end of Lent. A blend of Malvasia, Trebbiano Romagnolo and Trebbiano di Soave.

2009 Castello di Maurice ‘Il Gran Maestro del Vino’ Colli Albani Superiore DOC
Price: €30
Release date: July 2010
Made from a blend of Trebbiano Romagnolo and Trebbiano di Soave. Based on a description from a 7^th century Templar manuscript.

2009 Castello di Maurice ‘Sacra Piramide’ IGT Lazio
Price: €30.00/half bottle
Release date: July 2012
Named after a secret Templar conspiracy from the 16^th century, which... but I’ve told you too much already. Made from Chardonnay and Verdelho grapes from a plot I found near the edge of the estate that had been neglected and had grown wild. A sweet wine, made from Botrytis affected fruit.

Premium wines

2009 Castello di Maurice Barbera/Syrah IGT Lazio
Price: €20.00
Release date: July 2011
An unusual blend, inspired by a side remark in a 7^th century manuscript written by an obscure Templar herbalist.

2009 Castello di Maurice Sangiovese IGT Lazio
Price: €20.00
Release date: July 2010
The blood of Jove! That reminds me of a plot by the Templars in 12 AD to... but I can’t tell you that here.

2009 Castello di Maurice Verdelho IGT Lazio
Price: €20
Release date: July 2010
In 1821, the Templars again tried to set up a permanent headquarters in Portugal. All they gained out of it was an admiration for Verdelho wines, which the then Grand Master spoke of in his memoirs (privately published, and not circulated outside of Templar circles – until I found a copy in a Buenos Aires junk store...)

OKay, mes amis. Mwrise is sure taht you will of all of tehse whines LOTS order. To order, it is simple. Send Mwerise a fax or ring him on his telefone:

Castello di Mirowse:
Fax: +39 06 uh....
Telephone: +39 06 ah, er..., I know this one, its err....
Mirrhose de Perfosor:
Mobile (France): +33 6 err...
Mobile (Australia): +61 4 um.... okay, so I cant rember eihter of tehse eihter.

OKAY. So Mwrise canot his phone numbers rember rite now. He WILL updateinate tihs post once he has asked Aglíe to of tehse Trivial details him remind.

The discoviries of Mjeriése (genius) at Castello di Muwrhèse

Mes amis, your bon ami Mwrwse has for too long promisinated to a wobleg postinate about some of teh discoweries most exciting which he & Agly at Castello di Merese foundinated. Well, mes amis, it tru is, they much excitinating have their foundinated. Mereise, he knows not where to begin (even though he a grate geynius is!!!).

Mjereose & Àglìè they have foundinated at Castelo di Mjerwsoe:

• a secret hidden library with thousands of books straetching back to AD600;
• a secret Templar chapel;
• several paintings that Aglie he estimates that they from 1200AD dateinated;
• three life size solid gold sculptures of people
• a treasure room full of assorted gold coins, gold artefacts & jewelery (including a few crowns, in which Mjerowse much fetching looks!);
• HUNDRED and HUNDREDS of secret passageways, rooms and chambers. Some with traps, and pitfalls and other things which much freindly were not!!!

Amongst the books was teh 8th century book, full of full of secret Templar hystery and secret World Domination plans which Algie foundinated. All these books have helped Mjerowse (& his side kick Agly) to asemble teh secret histry of teh Templars, and how improtatn Castello di Mjerrowse was to them & to their (successful!!) plans tow wrold domination achievinate.

It turns out that there a Templar castle on this site has been since at least 200 BC, wiht mentions of it in the oldest manuscript " Piani segreti di devoti cristiani Cavalieri Templari" ( "Secret plans of the devout Christian Knights Templars" ), which mentions teh castel having been built recently (well, recently when this manuscropt it was written, in BC 200!!!).

Mjerose & Agly have agreeinated to sell a few select items that they need do not, which Mjerrowse much money will make. This useful will be!!

Also, Mwehrose Agly teh letter that Mæræhyse had from teh Templar grand master receivinated, and of it Aglie much excitinated was!! Teh Templar grand master wants to us some important secrets about teh Templars tell & arranged to us at Malbork Castel see. Aglie much excited was, as he there wanted to go anyway.

SO, mes amis, TOOMORROW, we in to teh car will get & to Malbork drivinate. Much exciting things are bound to happen, mon amis. Watch this space!!!!!1!

The Grate Whine of Castello di Murhyse

Mes amis, even wiht the excitement of all the exciting discoveries at Castello di Maurice, do not think that Mjerose or Aglie are not about this years wine thinkinating. M. Aglié has Mjerowse much advised been givinating, and will wiht this years wine making help, once Mjarwose has had teh grapes harvestinated.

Mjerowse, he inclined is to decline help -- he is a GEYNIUS, he needs help from no others! But maybe, just maybe, the non-genius might be able to help the genius bring teh true extent of his geynius to light, wiht some advice & guidance on how to do this new thing that Mjürüse has not before tryinated.

In any case, Mjeroîse & Aglie last night a LABEL designinated for "Il Genio del Vino", Mjérøse his FLAGSHIP whine. The wery name explains explanitorially how it expresses teh GEYNIUS of Mjérose le genie! The one bad thing is that Aglie, he insistinated that HIS name also alongside that of that great genius, that piinacle of intellictual grandness that is Muruse must be!! THis too much was, but eventually Mereése had to agreeinate.

Mjerøse he is sure this whine it many prizes will win, and lots will sell. It will be teh best whine ever, and everybody will love it and give Mjárøwse lots of muny. He just has to make it first. A trivial thing for such a grate genius!!!

Mjaerwose, a Rolls Royce Phantom, and teh Routes des Vins du Canada!

Mes amis, Mjerrhîse he still in Móntréál in is, and he here for MORE than one more week is and he much excitited about this is!! Tomorrow, he for a trip along teh routes des vins wich in Quebec are whihc are region of the Eastern Townships, Montérégie, Central Quebec, Quebec, Lanaudière and the Lower Laurentians and teh region of region of Brome-Missisquoi. Mwaereawse, he wait cannot!! He is sure that he, he will much about whine making find out, which will him in his estate in italy help wiht,. So Mjerroese hhe has himslef a Rolls Royce Phantom hirinated so that he a car in wihc to therre drive has!!

And the exciting thing, mes amis, is that Mqrhyse he alone is not going! No, mes amis, his ex-bon ami Aglie will be wiht Mhurwise coming.

Aglié Mjarase on his French iPhone (phone number +33 6 err...) rang earlier this week, to find out to Mjrjuse whjat happened had after he from teh secret society secret meeting disapprearinated. Murwose, he did not want to admit that he had them tricked, and that he he from them ran away and now he porbabaly should not keep teh muny they him gave. OH no! He not any of it giving back is. Also, AGlie he useful could be in Mjorose his plan to determine teh history of his Templar castle. But now Mearwse him he does not trust. This Agley, he up to no good is.

When Ugliè he herd that Mjurose in Canada was, he to come over and visit offred. He suggested that we, we BOTH could along teh route des vins dirvinate together!! A good idea, mon ami, but Myrose teh dirving will do. He does not teh drivinrg of Agly trust -- M. Aglie at less than 120km/h drivinates!!!

Maurice for the win!!!1!

Muirise, he has won!! HE has outwitted a secret soceity most evil, that to get him was out to! AND until a few days a go he realised not what it was up to! HE into their trap most diabolical walked in most placidly like a lamb to teh slaughter!!! BUT Miuriowse, he was no lamb for teh slaughetr! No, mon ami, he outwitted them! OUT WITTED THEM ALL,!!

Eh bien, he from his estadia to Buenos Aires in his Rolls Royce drove back. Then he to the secret meeting most secret that his EX bon ami Aglie had invitinated him to went. This, it was at teh Buenos Aires "Museo de Artes y Oficios", just under their foucaults pendulum was heldinated. At the hour appointed, we all around teh pendulum gather for arcane and ancient rituals most secrete. Then, Muirrhose he saw several ectoplasmic forms appear, but Miujrrowse he them ignored as they just about teh weather and motorsports wanted to talk.

Eventually, though, teh REAL prupose of teh meeting apparent became: they convinced were that I about the secret Templar plans knew more, and tehy wanted me about them to interrogate!! I! MUarhse, the geynius of which the world has never equal measure before seen!! This, it most preposterous was. THEN they Muirowse told something most shocking: this, teh inheritance that Mjürose had seemed to have inhertiated from his Great Uncle Pedro a fraud was!!! They had it just made up to get Muirrose to Argentina for this meeting most secret!! This, it shocked Mirrowse. If this, it true were then wonce again he no muny would have!!! BUT Then, then they Murrose said to that IF he told them all about the Templar secrets, they the inheritance would let him keep!! Mirrose, he knew not what to do!!

But then, Mjurowse he an idea had. He would pretend that he DID have a secret Templar map, and that he woudl them of teh secret Templar plans for wrold domination tell. Well, this it required Mijorouse to of something think, and fast! But luckilly, Mjarise a geynius is! And for a geynius like Mhîrøse nothing impossible is. Then Mirrowse he rembered that he always, but always singned copies of his books in his bags keeps, in case he across an adoring fan most devoted happens to stumble. He got out a copy of his 1982 book Roses and Hamburgers: the Rosicrucian Role in the Fast Food Revolution, and to Aglie it gave. Mirse then claimed that the secret of teh Templars was in this hidden, and the map they sought was encoded in teh diagram on p. 498. HE said that because of teh TEMPLARS ever watchfullness, he could not them more tell, but that they could use his book Thor and the Origin of Modern Dental Floss much of value find to help them on their quest. He them a copy of this gave too. Whilst when they destracted were trying to figure this riddle most complex out, Muirrose to his Rolls Royce ran, and DROVE off as quick as he could!!

Well, he drove at only 150MPH, but he did not stop until he the 5,280 miles to his apratment in New York had driven -- YOU remember, mon ami, the one he inheritated from his rich Uncle!! He feels that here, here he safe will be -- HOPEFULLY they will his story beleive!!! And hopefully his inheritance will him let keep!

Mirhose in Argentina!!

Mes amis!!!1! Mjurolse le genie and his bon ami Aglie where in their investigations at Castello di Maurese so engrossed that they did not notice that they to Argentina to flyinate had to!! WE both our flights to miss managed!! But Miorohse to Argentina HAD to go, to his multi-million-dollar inheritance claiminate!!

Eh bien, we both on flights a day later planed than to get managed. WE even on teh same flight managed to get,and as there were in 1st class many seats spare we together sat and the many htings at castello di mirose had we foundinated had discussed.

Eh bien, it good to be in Argentina now is. Mirrowse enjoying Buenos Aires is!! He in his city apratment currently staying is, and it tres chic is!!!1! This apratment, it in San Telmo is, which a part of teh city most beautiful is.

Tomorrow MJoröewse he goes to see his estate in teh countryside.. Then, next week, when he from surveying teh extent of his new dominions gets back, he will to teh SECRET MEETING of te SECRET SOCIETY that Aglie has invitinated him to go to go. This secrete meeting, it most secret is, and Mirrowse he Aglie has pormised that he NO BODY, but nobody, else will about this tell!!! THIS is a promise he keep intends.

MEs amis!! Muiroswe, he much exicited is!! HE to see his estancia see wait cannot, and for the secret meeting most secret wait cannot. Even for a greate geynisu like Mjorhose, the excitement, it most unbearable is!!!

Jagulars

MES AMIS!!!!! OH NOES!!!!! WOE !!!! CATISTROPHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mirose he most upset is! HE has just rembered, that when in Sidney he was meant to pick up his new Maserati Quattroporte and his new Jagular XKR from teh dealers.. Whilst he teh Maserati rembered to pick up, he forgot COMPLETELY to teh Jaguar pick up!!!

OH NOES!!! WHAT is a geynius to do?!?!

Luckily Ratatataotksr, he still in Sydnoy is, and does not to Norway fly back until next Tuesday. Miurowse, he will Ratatatatatataoskr ring and askinate him if he will teh Jagular pikc up and to the car park at the sadney apratment of Murose it takeinate.

Then Muirowse he must to sleep go back. He STILL KILLER JET LAG has!!!?!/?1!

Returngin to Italy...

Mes amis, tomorrow Muéîrjhose to Italia flys back. He is going to see his bon ami Aglie, who is to visit Mjhrwse in his new Italian castle coming to visit!! This, it most exciting will be!! And it, it will make up for teh fact that M. Agliè, he did not to the birthday praty de Mjiwrøse come!

Mjuwjose has whit the lawyers in Sidney his inheritance worked out. He no longer has to worry about muney, mes amis!! He woes financial, they are solved!!!

Eh bien, Mjswzrnwrce he will again write when he in Italia is arrivinated.

Two Steam Horses

Muaejwryse he has on the tellyphone with Ratatataoskr spoken. Ratatoskra has Muiirhuwse his new car to Muiiwrise his Italian castle delivered. You may rember that when Muirowse he he thought that he was bank rupt, he a new LADA himself bought. Well, it turns out he needs it not -- or maybe he does, it for around teh estate will be good to drivinate, on teh dirt tracks and fields where his Lamborghini it no good is.

Also, Muirroise found he a slight mistake made and did not a LADA NIVA buyinate, he a Citroën 2CV boughtinate. It seem that Mirowse he somehow managed to on teh worng car bidinate on eBay.es.

 

Ah well, it much fun arround his estate to drivinate will be. And Ratatatatatatoskr has said that he will at teh car look, and for problems mechannical look and them solvinate which for Muiiwworuse a great favour will be as even though Mirose a greyte geynius is his genyis it does NOT streatch as far as ADVANCED CAR MAINTENANCE, mes amis. Aeroplanes, maybe. But not cars.

Singed Papers

Mes amis, teh papers tehy are signed by Muirrhwøse the geynius, and the formalitlies they are all having been done. Muîrhowse his inheritance it is secured!

Muiirowjse on teh way back for a coffee to cellebrate stoppinated. It was a feeling most weird, mes amis, knowing that for this Mjwryse would with HIS OWN MUNY have to payinate. It most destressing for Muwråse was!!! HE almost with his muny could not bear to part!!! But alas, even such a grat geynius as Muirose will with this have to learn to bear.

Eh bien, that is enough for today. Your bon ami Muirrowse, he much tired from his KILLER JET LAG is. He will more tomoorrow right.

Finally arrivinated in Sidney

Well, Muirrhyse has arrivinated in Australia after again fllying with Atterrissage Forcé. Well, wonce again Muirrhyse he killer jet lag has!!

First, eh went to pick up his Maserati Quatrroporte, and tehn to his apartment new in Sydney went to drive. But alas! This proved harder than previously anticipated.

Muirhyse, he sat down in teh drivers seet. But he much confused was! There was no steering wheeel, no pedals, no speed o meter or rev o meter dials, NOTHING mes amis!!! Then, after much thought and reading the entire owners manual, Muirowse he noticed that all of this, it was on the right hand seet! THEN he rembered, this, this is where these things are stored in Australiaian cars!! Lucky Muirhyse such a great geynius is, or there no hope for him would have been!

Once Muirrhyse had this figured out, he could drive to his new apartment which JUST near teh Opera Hosue is.

Well, Muirrhyse he decideded to the Eastern Distributor road take. But alas!! The drivers here, they know not how to drive! Even on teh motor way he kept meeting lots of oncoming traffic -- they kept trying to drive on teh left hand side of teh road!!! Still, at least teh Sidneysiders much glad to meet Murrhose were -- they kept blowing their horns in greeting at him, as he down teh motor way crusied at a leisurely 180km/h. (Leisurely,, except for Muuirese having to dodge all teh oncoming traffic -- drive on the right, peoples!).

Well, he in his new apratment now is, and it much beautiful is mes amis!! He wery pleased with it is. Tomororw he picks up his Jaguar XKR, and meets this lawyer to sign the documents that will get Muirrhyse his inheritance and saveinate him!!

Lada NIVA - The NEW car of CHOICE for MUIRHO∫E teh GEYNIUS

Mes amis, Muirrhuse has on to eBay.fr logged on to, and has found himself a Lada Niva foure wheel driven car to replace his Rolls Royce, Bugatti and Lamborghini cars.

Bit of a come down for our great Geynius Miow®hoße, mes amis, quite a bit of a come down from his Ferrari --- but what can he do? Mon ami Capitan (non, mon ex-ami le Capitan) said his credit cards could no longer use -- so Murrhüøsåe must his own money use. And of that he has not much!!

Eh bien, this car new it will be of much service for Müriyse to arround his vineyard new drivinate. And he will be able to much money make selling his Castello di Maurice wine and olives, from his new country estatate in ITalia.

Muirrhowse has for teh car wiht pay pal just payinated. ANd now his bon ami Ratatoskr will collect it for him, and to Muirrhywße's new home in Itali it drive. And then he will able be to Muiirhuse help his old cars sellinate. Watch eBay.it, mes amis, watch eBay.fr!!

Woe is Meuwrose!

Muirrhyse, he is not certain what to do! The catatsorophy most catistrofieck that Muiirhyse has it, it is catatatstroetirophic! Even for such a great geynisu as Muirrhuse, he not certain what to do is!

Mes amis, he is not certain which of his hosues in Europe to sellinate. Maybe he should his new castel in Italy keep, at least from this he can some muney make by selling teh wine and teh olives that he will at this new hosue grow. But what of his apartment most beautiful in Paris? Or his chateau in teh south of France! Oh mes amis, it really is too much for Murrrowse to bear!!

Also, he will have to his new Lamborghini most beleoved trade in for
another Lada. And all his other cars, he will them have to sellinate too!

Also, who will pay for his new book to be published? It is not cheap, mes amis! Le publisher de Maurice, M. Garamond, is wery suportive of teh great geynisu that is Muirrowse, but even so he must Muaerowse much muney charge to his books publish -- that is publishing, mes amis, that is publishing.

Eh bien, do not worrry my raeders. Muirrhowse will of something thinkk -- do not worry yourselfs! It may be a hard challenge, but MUIEAEROWYESE is a great GEYNIUS. ANd a GREAT GEYNIUS as that CAN DO ANYTHING!!

Cataistriophie most catastrofic!

Mes amis, THE WORST it has happened!! Muirrhyse was just his own busines minding, sitting in teh kitchen of his new country villa near Rhome, when he heard a melliflopter landing outside. Then someone the kitchen door kicked in.

Miurrhy'ses old friend Capt Jerrold von Obiwankanobe walked through the door, along with about a dozen commandos of the US Army. "Well, Muirrhyse", he said. "Pleased to meet you onse again. Let me introduce you - my friends here are members of DELTA force, and will be happy to answer any of your questions, should you be stupid enough to ask any."

Well, mes amis, Muiirhowse he was not happy. But it got wrose, mes amis, much wrose. Apparently, teh Capitan did mind Muirrhise using his credit cards and taking out loans for him. Muaerhowse ttried to explain that it should not matter, as Murrhese a great geynius is but M. le Captain he wod not listen.

M. le Kapitan, he said that he would have to seize Muirrhyses properties. He said he would graciously allowe Murrihyse to keeep one (1) house in Europe and one (1) hosue in Australiaialia, but NO MORE. Of course, to this Muirrhyse objected most severly! He tried to remain calm, and civil, but it wery hard was given the stress and the provication. Still, the soldiers did not have to respond like that - just becuse Muirrhyse had hit one of them over the head with the kitchen table, and tried to steal the gun of another so he could it use to hit them on the head with - there was no call for them to threaten to shoot!

Mes amis, MUIRRHYSE he is not sure what to do now. HE has only two weeks to PAY UP all his debts to the good Capitan and the CIA, or loose his hosues most precious. Also, he can no longer his credit cards that he from the Capitan borrowed use.

Oh noes!!! Soon Murrihse will wonce again a penniles geynius be, reducced to once more dirving around in his Lada Riva!!!

Driving break

Muirrhose he has for a coffee stopped somewhere near - er, what does that sign it say - near Lisboa. He still on his way to Rhôme is, and is much looking forward to there getting. He will be meeting with his publisher M. Garamond also whilst in Rhome, luckily he also is visiting that city now.

M. Garamond was Muiirrhese asking how he could these many hosues afford to buyinate!! Simple, mon ami, wery simple. Firstly, he has many kredit kards which he from M. le Captain Jerrold von Obiwankanobe got when the Kaptains bag Muirrhuse he borrowed. He will also be able to use the Captains documents to get a loan -- he is certain that the Kaptain he will not mind for such a geynius as Miurrhose to this do. After all, he has only complained once -- and that was just to chocolate cake offer.

ALso, he has his share of the US$35million he helped the fiendly M. J. Oke move out of Benin on behalf of le African Non-Monetary Articulate Albatross Bank (ANMAAB). That was quite a bit, mes amis, quite a bit!!!

Ah, le temps! Le temps!! Muirrhyse must his espresso finish, and in his Lamborghini get, and continue dirving south. At 200mph, it should not long take!!!!!!!!

Roman Treasure found in Northern France

From the Norwegian newspaper Den Ekorn Avis:

Roman Treasure found in Northern France

Luck doesn't come much better than it does for M. Caméléon de Madagascar. Whilst walking in the woods near his home in Pas-de-Calais, he spotted a Roman treasure hoard which archaeologists are already describing as "the find of the decade". Le Musee du Louvre has offered an undisclosed sum to M. de Madagascar for the find.

Well, Maurice, looks like this time it was 'the real thing', eh? Not some trick played on you by that reptilian friend of yours. Only trick he played was to actually collect the treasure that you couldn't be bothered to even look at properly.

Maurice 0, Chameleon 8.

Yours squrrelishly,

Ratatoskr.

This geynius is not fooled this time,, mes amis!!

Well, mes amis, Muirhose he was in the woods near his home in Armidale, France once again for a walk going. Well, when he was along the path through the woods walking he over something tripped! THis , it was most undignified for a geynius such as Miaeröçe!!! Well, when he went back to shout at whatever it was that tripped up the geynius Miroise, he found it was a buried Roman treasure!

FOr a moment, Miaeurowse he overjoyed was. Roman treasure! THis, it would more muney for Muirowse be. But then Maurose he rememebered. That chameleon in the area is! It must be him, mes amis, trying to your hero must magnifique trick again. Oh no, you cannot Murrhise the geynius the same way fool twice!

Eh bien, Muirise the geynius he took no further notice of this chameleleon most fiendish, he had it fooled! HE just on his way walked, not looking back at all!!!

MAIURHYSE 1, CHAMELEOEN 7. SO FAR, mes amis. WATCH THIS SPACE. Maurice le génie triomphe! Él no puede ser golpeado, mes amis, no siempre!!! No, en absoluto!!!!

IPHONE 3G!!!!!!!!

Mes amis, Maewrosr has just recently of teh luanch of teh NEW 3G ipone read. Now Mearose wants one! His old iphone it seems outdated by comparison. But woe is Mearruse! The new iPohne it does not luanchinate until 11th July, 17th Julie in FRance (which is where Maerhose he is now). What is a Maerorse to do?

Well, this mronign Mawuruuuçe took himself down to the warehouses of Orange France, and climbed the high walls and dodged security guards, and mes amis he is now please do be able to tell you that he now an ipHone 3G himself has! Also, he has his agents in aUstraliaia even now working for him to get an Australian iphOne for Morise his Australian SIM card. Merise will not be left out or left behind, No sir he will not!

Maurise cannot wait to a phone call on his new iphoNe make. Also he is certain that a device this elegant, it MUST the new emails make arrive in Murrhyçe's inbox!