Welcome, Mycroft. Seriously.

Welcome, Mycroft. Seriously.

Right, now we have the lame puns out of the way... was glad to hear that Mycroft de Perfossor, Maurice's younger, more intelligent brother, will be posting "guest posts" on the weblog.

Oh boy. And I said Maurice had messed-up big time when he allowed ME to do this. Oh boy, oh boy. And now he's let Mycroft in on it, eh? Well, expect some interesting weblog posts coming up on the true genius of Maurice. Will be interesting reading....

Yours nuttily,
Ratatoskr.

Maurice on Facebook

Oh no.

Maurice has started playing one of those restaurant games on Facebook(tm).

Stop it Maurice! Just stop it, please! You'll break Facebook -- either that, or damage the sanity of other users. More than normal that is.

This is why I don't use Facebook meself, eh?

Yours nuttily,
Ratatoskr.

Maurice featured in WI magazine?

Ello.

Found this whilst on business from Odin in Devon recently (don't ask. No, really, don't):

Taunton Bake Sale

Last month's fundraising bake-sale in Taunton went far better than expected, raising £1,700 for our charity of the month. In this we were ably assisted by members Patricia Fawltington, Elizabeth Mountbatten and Emily Hythe. We were also rendered invaluable assistance by world-renowned Australian pastry chef Maurice de Perfossor, who baked some of his inestimable macaroons. Though these proved a great temptation to those supervising the stall, we managed not to eat all of them and those that remained sold like hot cakes and no doubt helped us raise far more money for charity than expected. We will be holding another bake sale in Taunton in late April.

So, was this an excerpt from The West Country Templar's Bulletin? Eh? NO. It was from West Country Women's Institute Monthly Newsletter. Maurice, told you it was the WI you were infiltrating, not the Templars. Course, he wouldn't listen, eh? What changes? Would laugh if it wasn't so typical of the so-called "geynius".

Well, gotta dash. More soon.

Yours nuttily,
Ratatoskr.

Apollogys for last nihgts post, mes amis...

MEs amis, Mwerise his head hurts and he doesnt feel well and also his haed hurts. Well, he too much to drnik last nihgt had. As well as teh wines he in his last wobleg post metnioned, Agly & he had a 'whine tasting session' BEFORE teh dinner, including:

• 1985 Domaine Romanée-Conti Montrachet
• 1992 Penfolds Grange
• 1990 Delas Hermitage Les Bessards
• 1989 Tenuta Caretta Poderi Cannubi Barolo
• 989 Bruno Giacosa Barolo

Well, by teh end of teh evening, Mjwyse had had MUCH TOO MUCH to dnirk. And yet, and YET, even tough he a grate geynius is, he thought it was a good idea to then sit down and write a wobleg post. Teh result (last night s post) was incoherrent and rambling, wiht many speling mistaeks, and it made sense did not.

Murrûse wishes to apologise to his many loyal raeders, and pormises taht tihs will not again happeninate. He is looking into ways to DELLETE teh post, so taht this shameful episode can be forgottten & we can all prettendinate that it did not happen!!!!!!!!1!!!!11!!!!!!?!!!!

A genius on the road!

So Maurice is on his way back to his castle in Italy. Anyone out there want to guess just how many stupid, obvious wrong turns he'll make along the way? Or at least how much time he'll spend driving the wrong direction? No? Eh, can't blame you. Oh my gosh, but that Maurice fella just can't navigate. Safe to say the answer to both is "LOTS". Hope he misses Norway this time. Don't want to have to meet up with that so called "geynius" again. Oh boy. Being his PA is hard enough without having to meet the man.

Eh, just got to sort his mail then send it on to him. NO idea what he does with it when he gets it. Eats it, for all I know.

Yours squirrelishly,
Ratatoskr.

Roman Treasure found in Northern France

From the Norwegian newspaper Den Ekorn Avis:

Roman Treasure found in Northern France

Luck doesn't come much better than it does for M. Caméléon de Madagascar. Whilst walking in the woods near his home in Pas-de-Calais, he spotted a Roman treasure hoard which archaeologists are already describing as "the find of the decade". Le Musee du Louvre has offered an undisclosed sum to M. de Madagascar for the find.

Well, Maurice, looks like this time it was 'the real thing', eh? Not some trick played on you by that reptilian friend of yours. Only trick he played was to actually collect the treasure that you couldn't be bothered to even look at properly.

Maurice 0, Chameleon 8.

Yours squrrelishly,

Ratatoskr.

Greetings from Yggsdrasil

Hello! Ratatoskr here, bringing you more news on a great genius. And also news about Maurice, his friend.

Well, Maurice is back in Paris, eh? I'm pretty happy for him, I guess. He'd be glad to be at home again. It was quite a trip for him! Especially crash landing in France. Gee, that 'genius' messed up again there I think!

Oh gosh. I wonder when Maurice will ring, to tell his old friend Ratatoskr all about it. Oh boy oh boy, I really gotta to switch off that old mobile telephone. Really don't want to hear all that over again.

Maybe I could tell him I don't get any phone reception here at Yggsdrasil. I do, of course, but Maurice does not have to know that, eh?

Yours squirrelishly,
Ratatoskr

Where's Maurice?

Any one want to guess where Maurice is now?

Go on, try!

Wrong. But Ratatoskr knows where Maurice is. Maurice is in the south of France. He hasn't realised it yet, but I guess he will have to eventually.

Oh yes, and that language the locals speak that Maurice cannot understand? It's French. Maurice cannot understand it because - whisper it - Maurice can't actually speak French.

Yours squirrelishly,
Ratatoskr.

Frenquenly unasked questions

F.unA.Q. no 3489312

From: "Níðhöggr" [nithhoggr@dragonclaw.yggsdrasil-online.org]
To: Ratatoskr.Squirrel
Subject: Paris

Has Maurice ever really visited Paris?

Good question for Ratatoskr. I'm perfect squirrel to answer this. Easy -- its as likely as I've ever visted Ásgard. That answers it for once and for all doesn't it?

Hey! whos that asking then how come Maurice knows so much about Paris if he's never been there? Easy. Never said he'd not been to Paris. Matter of fact, I've visited Ásgard. Why'd you think I hadn't. I am Ratatoskr, no ordinary squirrel.

Ásgard's a nice enough place, but the cafes are overrated and the gift shop is frankly just overpriced.

Oh yes, and Víðópnir says to say your flames are luke warm and you can't fly as well as him. After all you're at Yggsdrasils roots whilst he soars high above you at its very top. You want me to pass on another message back to him for you? Eagles, huh.

Your squirrelly squirrel,
Ratatoskr.

Fun facts to know and share #56971

Maurice is not really French, he is just pretending.

I'm not tricking you. Not at all. I, Ratatoskr, really am a squirrel, and I live on Yggsdrasil. Boy oh boy did that genius Maurice mess up hiring me as his PA, rather than Hermes. Squirrels do not good PAs make. Still, great for Ratatoskr. Keeps me in acorns.

It's not exactly the first or last time that Maurice has messed up big time too.

Regards,
Ratatoskr.Squirrel

Ratatoskr!

Well hello there from Ratatoskr, your all time favourite squirrel. 

Well things were pretty quiet here on Yggsdrasil, then I checked my email and found that my good friend Maurice had invited me to contribute to his weblog! Boy oh boy did that so-called 'geynius' mess up this time. Truly they say to err is human, but to really really mess up big time, massive scale you need to be Maurice.

And it may be human to err, but as a squirrel that doesn't really apply to me.

Yours,
Ratatoskr