Brithday (1st Avrile) post

Mon amigos it Mèré"s brithday on teh 1st Avril was & he for it didnt raelly much do just went out for a coffeee.

HAHAHA, POISON D'AVRIL!

Of corse Móróswe had a fantastic britdhay praty at his hosue in Armidale, NSW, Australie, wiht all teh friends taht he is currently speaking to (IE, not Agliè!!!?@!!1!!!!!#$*!). Merise ahd been planinating to have his praty in Paris Frnance but actualy he tehn changed his mind at teh last minute. He caught up in wineyard work in his wineyard here in Armidale NSW Australie had become so didn"t ahve time to flyinate back to Paris. Eh bien, he a much well stocked cellar in Armidale has so it no hardship was. He inwited his non-geynius brother Mycroft, his old enemy Lady Shelom, & his ex-PA Ratatoskr. He spended DAYS working on teh prefect menu.! Withch he will postinate here!!! At teh end of tihs post.

Eh bien, it a good praty was & went on for a couple of dayze with lots of whine & food & had ovwer 150 courses of withc he only posts a sample as an extract here at teh end. But it mutch good was.

Moruse didnt ahve as much luck in teh wineyard. He had decided to change teh grapes he grew from teh rubish PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY taht he currentyly grows tehre is. He decided to graft owver to teh mutch more prestigious Cabernet Dorsa & indeed went along to his wineyard one day & started on it as soon as he had decided witch wines to grow . Tihs ahppeninated to be at 1 am on a Tuesday mroning but such details are IRRELIVANT to a geynius such as Moóròose dont forget. Anyway teh wineyard manager found Merose cutting grapewines down & grafitng tehm ovwer to Cabernet Dorsa at 6:30 am & ewentually Managed to argue to Merise taht PINTOT NOIR & CHARDONNEIGH were a better bet & ewentually even Moirise ahd to concede taht teh stupid plodding idiotic nongeynius wineyard manager mite ahve a point ... as PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY are teh grapes of Burgundy a fact Merise had temprarily forgonated. Mzwrzese ahd only grafted over two rows of wines witch he left teh manager to graft back again to PINTOT NOIR, before going to PLAN HIS BRITHDAY DINNER!

Eh bien. It owver now is.Merise ahs pormised a lift back to Bordeaux to Mycroft .... teh plane is loaded ... Merise is in teh pilots seat & teh plane is feuled & ready to go & at teh end of teh runway & AIR-TRIFFIC CONROL & MYCROFT are now HASTLING Meoórse to take off cause he"s ALLEGEDLY holding up teh rest of teh hairyport ( he has TRIED explaning to tehm taht he is riting a wobleg post , & his audience canot waite , but tehy won"t listen!!@1!!#*! ) so Merise must stop NOW, full throttel, full lift, & TAKE OFF ......................................

EXTRACT from teh menu.

(IE NOT TEH HOLE TIHNG.)

Entree: 

Omlette aux truffes

Srerved wiht: 1949 Krug Priwate Cuwée (1949 was a good wintage!)

Plat princiapuaxs: 

Bouillabaise (merises speciality)

Swerved wiht: 1985 DRC Montrachet ; 1989 Zind-Humbrecht Riesling Rangen de Thann Clos St. Urbain (OKay tihs was a new one fror Mwzerise ... he doesn"t often drink ALSACE but it wery nice was ... a gift from MYCROFT who is ok somethymes)

Boeuf-Bourgignone

Sreved with:  1982 Mouton Rotschild; 1982 Pétrus; 1982 Haut-Brian !!

Eight young partidges, truffled & cased in bacon fat, cooked in cognac

Sreved with: 1978 Faively Chambertin-Clos-de-Beze ; 1978 DRC Grands-Echezeaux; 1978 Paul Jaboulet Aîné Hermitage La Chapelle

Tehn

Cheese plate with 64 distinct thypes of cheese from France, Germnay, Spain, USA, Australie, UK, Portugal, &  other plaices.

Chacuterie selectuioin.

Srerved wiht 1978 Penfolds Grnange * & * 1978 M. Chapoutier Hermitage La Sizeranne

Dessert:

Pudding aux MUres / Mu,llbery pudding

Poires Savoie

Fromage a la Creme

Srerved wiht: 1811 Chateau d'Yquem ; 1989 Zind-Humbrecht Gewurztraminer Rangen de Thann Clos St. Urbain Sélection de Grains Nobles (OK I amdmit another gift from Mycroft who is somethyms weyry genrous)

Tehn

Cognac, Armagnac, Coffes.

Chrismess in NYC ....

 .... MES AMIS it teh 23st Decembre is witch means taht in just three (3) or four (4) days it Chruismess will be. Mawrise, he to excited for words is .

.... ESPECIALLY as his sort-of-freind/research associate Algíe has flown in to New York to spend Chrismes here -- he arrivinated last nite -- and will spend Chrismess lunch wiht Moerose. Mirose wait canot, and already a magnifique meal is (venison! duck! goose! turkey! ham!) and many magnifique whines witch he has pulled out of his "Cellar" (actually a whine fridge as he an apratment here has) including a few prized bottles of 1955 DRC Grands-Echézeaux and some 1982 Château Latour.

... BUT ALSO his brohter teh non-geynius Mycroft will be wisiting NYC for a few days and also to lunch on Chrismess will be coming

... AND ALSO his secretary Ratatoskr is going to be there too. It quite a turn out will be! Who said Mérise didn';t ahve any freinds? Merise has proved them worng. He does freinds have, even if he them mostly ignores. As they not as grate geyniuses as Morose are. AH, its lonely at teh top mes amis.

... EH BIEN that not the point is .... the point is to wish everybody a HAPPY NOEL & MERRY NEW YEAR as we say in France. Muarise is looking froward to opening his Chrissmess preseents...!>!?!!!1!!#@!!

Dinner at teh estancia

Mes amis... dinner tonight was roast venison with blackberry and juniper sauce. Since Morose he could not decidinate which whine to have, he HAD BOTH, teh '84 Henschke Hill of Grace AND '96 Domiane Leroy Pommard Les Vignots. You may all tihnk taht taht sounds like a dinner most magnifique... but....

it is NOTHING, NOTHING mes amis,, in comparison to teh banquet Morause has planneded for tihs Sunday evening,, wehn he will inwite a few local neighbours for a dinner most magnifique, before he back to Buenoes Aires heads. No, it is no use pleading... Murohse cannot any more guests accomodatinate.

All he will say for now is taht teh diner will include:

• 12 courses, including venison, pheasant, fois gras, caviar...
• 29 different whines
• 5 first growht Bordauxs
• 6 grand cru burgundies
• for after,,, Mearise his FAMUOS macarons and coffee.

Eh bien. Murhose must get back to it planning. And he must ring Ratatoskr back to discuss some wery improtant busines taht has come up in his home town of Paris NSW Australie. MORE SOON MES AMIS.

Maurice featured in WI magazine?

Ello.

Found this whilst on business from Odin in Devon recently (don't ask. No, really, don't):

Taunton Bake Sale

Last month's fundraising bake-sale in Taunton went far better than expected, raising £1,700 for our charity of the month. In this we were ably assisted by members Patricia Fawltington, Elizabeth Mountbatten and Emily Hythe. We were also rendered invaluable assistance by world-renowned Australian pastry chef Maurice de Perfossor, who baked some of his inestimable macaroons. Though these proved a great temptation to those supervising the stall, we managed not to eat all of them and those that remained sold like hot cakes and no doubt helped us raise far more money for charity than expected. We will be holding another bake sale in Taunton in late April.

So, was this an excerpt from The West Country Templar's Bulletin? Eh? NO. It was from West Country Women's Institute Monthly Newsletter. Maurice, told you it was the WI you were infiltrating, not the Templars. Course, he wouldn't listen, eh? What changes? Would laugh if it wasn't so typical of the so-called "geynius".

Well, gotta dash. More soon.

Yours nuttily,
Ratatoskr.

Maurice has mail!

Life with Maurice around is fun, eh? Even just opening his mail is exciting enough:

Your mail

3:17 PM (18 hours ago)
Ratatoskr Squirrel to Maurice

Hey Maurice,

Mail arrived for ya. Something from some Templar
Grand Master. Opened it, sorted it, forwarded 
it on. Lemme know if you get it, eh?

Ratatoskr.

--
Ratatoskr Squirrel
Yggdrasil, Norway
Email: ratatoskr.squirrel@gmail.com
Web: http://ratatosksquirrel.googlepages.com/


Maurice de Perfossor to me

show details 3:20 PM (18 hours ago)

THankyou my pa. I will let you know 
teh instant it Mjerése  recievinates. 
It like it much improtant sou nds like 
it is!!!

-- Maurice de Perfossor
Le plus grand génie

Email: maurice.deperfossor@hotmail.fr
Website: http://lemondedemaurice.blogspot.com/


> Date: Sat, 4 Jul 2009 15:17:51 +0100
> Subject: Your mail
> From: ratatoskr.squirrel@gmail.com
> To: maurice.deperfossor@hotmail.fr
- Show quoted text -

>
> Hey Maurice,
>
> Mail arrived for ya. Something from
> some Templar Grand Master. Opened
> it, sorted it, forwarded it on. Lemme
> know if you get it, eh?
>
> Ratatoskr.
>
> --
> Ratatoskr Squirrel
> Yggdrasil, Norway
> Email: ratatoskr.squirrel@gmail.com
> Web: http://ratatosksquirrel.googlepages.com/

What can you do with the new Windows Live? Find out

No idea what he thinks this mail from this so-called Templar Grand Master is. But can smell a fake like this miles off. Just like with Maurice! He's not a genius, sure as acorns are acorns. And that's something about with I'm VERY sure!!

Yours nuttily,

Ratatoskr.

A genius on the road!

So Maurice is on his way back to his castle in Italy. Anyone out there want to guess just how many stupid, obvious wrong turns he'll make along the way? Or at least how much time he'll spend driving the wrong direction? No? Eh, can't blame you. Oh my gosh, but that Maurice fella just can't navigate. Safe to say the answer to both is "LOTS". Hope he misses Norway this time. Don't want to have to meet up with that so called "geynius" again. Oh boy. Being his PA is hard enough without having to meet the man.

Eh, just got to sort his mail then send it on to him. NO idea what he does with it when he gets it. Eats it, for all I know.

Yours squirrelishly,
Ratatoskr.

Jagulars

MES AMIS!!!!! OH NOES!!!!! WOE !!!! CATISTROPHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mirose he most upset is! HE has just rembered, that when in Sidney he was meant to pick up his new Maserati Quattroporte and his new Jagular XKR from teh dealers.. Whilst he teh Maserati rembered to pick up, he forgot COMPLETELY to teh Jaguar pick up!!!

OH NOES!!! WHAT is a geynius to do?!?!

Luckily Ratatataotksr, he still in Sydnoy is, and does not to Norway fly back until next Tuesday. Miurowse, he will Ratatatatatataoskr ring and askinate him if he will teh Jagular pikc up and to the car park at the sadney apratment of Murose it takeinate.

Then Muirowse he must to sleep go back. He STILL KILLER JET LAG has!!!?!/?1!

The 46th birhtday praty de Maurise le genie!!!!

MES AMIS!!! IT WAS SUCH AN EVENT!!!

Ah yes, the brithday praty it was most magnifique. And yet, it, it did not without problems occur. You see, mon ami, that Muiiewrøse he invited 200 people to his praty, and so this it was the number of people he told the caterer to provide food for. And yet, only three people were there! Including Muirrowse!!! No, not even mon ami Sarkozy! Or mon ami Berlusconi!! Or even mon ami Chalres Dickens!. This, it not a good start was.

Well, Muirwowse he decided to start the evening by opening a bottel of Penfolds Grange from teh year of Mårøse his birth (1963). But then, then he noticed that his old nemesis Lady Shellom was one of the few guests that had come! He did not want to such a wine for her get out! Especially after what she wrote about him in her book Modern Australian Literature: Geniuses and Frauds!! No, it would not do! But then, Miueroîse he rembered how far his bon ami Ratatatatatoskr had flown to get here, and thought maybe he should get out teh good wine for Ratatatatatatatoskr's sake even so. Eh bien, it was so.

The rest of the evening, it most magnifique was. Muirrhose had enough entrées for 68.3 people, he could not the Ragoût of Lobster keep away from! Then he for the main course had teh Ballontine -- turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a pheasant stuffed with a grouse. he off this had enough for 30 people! AND then he on to the venison moved!!! Then, for desert Mirrowse he had the Baba au rhum, the Teurgoule and the Crème brûlée -- he kept for more going back, and ate enough meals for 110!!

The dinner! It most magnifique was! Muirrowse he oppened bottles of 1958, 1959, 1963, 1964, 1971, 1983 and 1985 Penfold Granges, and the 1972 Romanee Conti annd 1985 La Teche that Ratatskr he brough wiht him!

The food, it was magnifique! The conversation, it was exceptional!! So much intellecutral discussion!! For hours with Ratatoskr I discussed the literary significance of acorns. Muirrhêse he was with his presents much happy with: both Ratatatoskr and Lady Shelom new berets gave mirrease. It a most wonderful evening was!

Well, that was the brithday de Mauiroswe for 2009! And it quite an event was, even if it did not go exactly to the plan de Muirrowse!!! NEXT year, though, it will MUCH better be. For one thing, Mirrôse he will not Lady Shelom invitinate!!!

TRAPPED!!!!

MES AMIS!!! Muiearhyse he is most destressed. He in the lift was trapped last night during teh large scale power cut out that in Sidney happeninated!! Muirrhøsé, he sure is that this a conspiracy was that designed to target Muîrrhoswe personnaly was. But MuÂŒ„Íhfxse, he will NOT be intimitadated!

Eh bien, he to his birthday praty tomorrow much looks forward. So many guests, so many people admiring that geynius that is Maerowse!!! He has not heard back from anyone other that Ratatoskr, but he is sure that Muérhose his freinds will come -- Even his bon ami M. Kevin Rudd.

See you there, mes amis!!!!1!

Safe to read -- NOT from Maurice le genie!

Well, seems like I'm taking Maurice's place -- sitting around in an airport, waiting for a 'plane. But fear not, "mes amis", Ratatoskr isn't planning to become another Maurice. Help no! I'm just en route to Australia, to catch up with Maurice for his birthday.

Well you may ask why's a squirrel so keen to get to the birthday of that so-called "geynius". Well, apparently he'll be opening some of his new old bottles of Penfolds Grange. Can't let it be wasted on someone like Maurice can we? Duty beckons. Once more unto the breach, etc, etc. Hope he has acorns too.

Also, won't be flying "Atterrissage Forcé, unlike that Maurice I actually fly with a REAL airline. Air New Zealand this time. Business class ain't too bad. Good enough for this immortal squirrel!!

Then back to Norway. Just hope he likes his new 2CV...

Planning a birhtday praty for MJIRHUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mes amis, Muiriowse has a small "wine cellar" for his Sidney apratment madeinated -- weill, mes amis, it more a small room is, not an cellar. Still he has spent teh day filling it with bottels of Penfolds Grange.

He also has been around as many whine shops as he can find, and filed it wiht the choice of teh SUDNAY whine world

This it not as dramatic as his cellar in his chateau in teh south of france is

but it still much good is. It much good for his birthday will be, which lucky is becaue Mujriwse his birhtday will be in a few DAYS TIME, mes amis!

Well, Mijwrise has many people for his birthdya party invited over. Including his bon amis Nicholas Sarkozy and Silvio Burlosconi. Also, he Ratattatatoskr and Aglie has invitinated. He hope they all to his party most magnifique will come! He thinks that this, his 46ht birthday praty a TRIOMPHE will be!

Wish him luck, mes amis!!

Two Steam Horses

Muaejwryse he has on the tellyphone with Ratatataoskr spoken. Ratatoskra has Muiirhuwse his new car to Muiiwrise his Italian castle delivered. You may rember that when Muirowse he he thought that he was bank rupt, he a new LADA himself bought. Well, it turns out he needs it not -- or maybe he does, it for around teh estate will be good to drivinate, on teh dirt tracks and fields where his Lamborghini it no good is.

Also, Muirroise found he a slight mistake made and did not a LADA NIVA buyinate, he a Citroën 2CV boughtinate. It seem that Mirowse he somehow managed to on teh worng car bidinate on eBay.es.

 

Ah well, it much fun arround his estate to drivinate will be. And Ratatatatatatoskr has said that he will at teh car look, and for problems mechannical look and them solvinate which for Muiiwworuse a great favour will be as even though Mirose a greyte geynius is his genyis it does NOT streatch as far as ADVANCED CAR MAINTENANCE, mes amis. Aeroplanes, maybe. But not cars.

Lada NIVA - The NEW car of CHOICE for MUIRHO∫E teh GEYNIUS

Mes amis, Muirrhuse has on to eBay.fr logged on to, and has found himself a Lada Niva foure wheel driven car to replace his Rolls Royce, Bugatti and Lamborghini cars.

Bit of a come down for our great Geynius Miow®hoße, mes amis, quite a bit of a come down from his Ferrari --- but what can he do? Mon ami Capitan (non, mon ex-ami le Capitan) said his credit cards could no longer use -- so Murrhüøsåe must his own money use. And of that he has not much!!

Eh bien, this car new it will be of much service for Müriyse to arround his vineyard new drivinate. And he will be able to much money make selling his Castello di Maurice wine and olives, from his new country estatate in ITalia.

Muirrhowse has for teh car wiht pay pal just payinated. ANd now his bon ami Ratatoskr will collect it for him, and to Muirrhywße's new home in Itali it drive. And then he will able be to Muiirhuse help his old cars sellinate. Watch eBay.it, mes amis, watch eBay.fr!!

High Luxury Car. Missing Tickets of the HAIRYPLANE.

Mes amis, here a photo of Muarose his TOYOTA HILUX outside his hosue in Paris Australia  is:

And here one of Marrowse down the main street of Paris Australia in his Porsche Cayenne Turbo S SUV drivinating is:

Well, that's all the fun that Muarose he time for at the moment has. He seems to have his hairyplane tockets for his plain trip to France lost again.

He on the 2nd January back to France was planinng to flyinate, but now without his ticket this he cannot do! He must new tickets buy!! Mirrohße he most upset and agitated is. He certain he on the table by the stairs put them down only yesterday, and maybe he certain is that he there only this morning sore them, but then that now MUIRRRRHISE the full force of his geynius on this matter puts he also thinks that maybe he in his desk draw put it but allas it in neither place is though Mioruse in the desk in his litle gazebo summer house has not yet looked and maybe it in their is or maybe Mioruse in the glove box of his Porsche has it left or maybe he accidentally on it as if it scrap paper were wrote and then it away threw but alas Mirise he no longer certian is and now he much agitated is and he still cannot it find aargh maybe if he rang Ratatoskr or Aglie that they might that maybe they might know what Muairose should do but alas Muirose much agitated is and did he mention that he on the table by the stairs has checked and he certain that it there was and it not is???

In Norway again (realy, mes amis!!)

Well, now Muarise realy now in Norway is. He saw Ratatoskr when he stopped for coffee in Oslo did. Strange, Ratatoskr did not seem to Muirise see, and left rapidly.

Still, it too cold is. Murarse must get back home to Armidale France soon!!

Uh oh...

Oh No. Maurice is back in France. Quick everybody! We have to move to another continent before he finds us! What's a squirrel to do, eh? Well, goin' back to Norway might be best move for Ratatoskr. Not Maurice's cup of tea, Norway. Too cold for Maurices.

Good luck everyone! And remember: DON'T ENGAGE MAURICE IN CONVERSATION
(oh boy, would you be in for it then!!!)

Yours sqirrelishly,

Ratatoskr.

Oh Noes!!!

Mawrhyçe he has just off the telephone got. He a call from the gendarmerie, with news most bad for Murrhy∫e.

Morhise, his house in Armidale France had been into broken! La police said that it looked as if nothing had been taken, but the theaf he or she had for something been looking. La police,they thought maybe the theif for a document or map was looking, as all the filing cabinets had been gone through, and pictures off the wall had been taken.

This, it most bad is, mes amis. Murrhyse he will ring Aglie this evening, maybe he advice for Mauruse might have. Also, he can maybe Agliè tell that the map Murrhise he pretended to have probably stolen was. Then Aglié will stopm Maurhyse for it pestering. He most insistent that this map at all costs must have, so Mawrose him told that it in Armidale France was. And then the house de Mauruse in Armidale France it was burgeled. SO that is a good excuse for Mirise to pretend that he the map did really have but now alas no longer does as it stolenated was. So alas, now he to Agli~e cannot it lend.

Still, Muiruse hopes that nothing of his was really stolen... He will have to Ratatoskr get to check the place out for Muiaryse,

Dial a geynius Attempt 2!

Okay, mes amis, so the first attempt it did not work. Alas, Miruse could not remeber his mobile telephone numbers.

But not to wory, mes amis, he will give you his landline number.

Okay. The number of the telefone of his house here in the south of france is +33 4 -- err, Morrise canot the rest remmememeber.

Okay. The telefone number of his flat on Rue Mouffetarde it is +33 1 -- er again he cannot the rest of the number rember.

Okay. The telephone number of his house in Armidale in France it is +33 3, er.

Okay. New plan. The phone number of his house in Paris in Australia, it is +61 2 677 err. Hmm. Maerrose he can rember more of this number, but alas it is not enough!

Hmm. New plan, mes amis. Mowerussse he will try to withtth RATATATATOSKR get in touch. He will let you know.

Dial a genius!

Mawruse has decided to give out his iPhone mobile telefone number on his interweb page, so that you his raedership most devoted and most loyal, can with such a great geynius get to speak! An unprecedented opportunity for his raedership most devoted!

Mes amis, the phone number it is +33 6 -- er hang on, Morrhuse he cannot remember the phone number of his iPhone! THis is most distressing. Maybe Ratatsokr, he will know.

Actually, maybe you can all ring Mowrise his Australian mobil telefone. Mes amis it is +61 4 -- err, mes amis Moruse he cannot that remember either. Alas! Catastrophe!!

Muaerrise he will Ratatatoskr contact, and to you all get back.

Readers Questions

From: Chameleon [chameleon@snigger.com.mg]
To: Ratatoskr
Subject: iPhones

So you did end up going to Australia to "acquire" an iPhone for Maurice eh?

Snigger.

~Chameleon

Nope, Ratatoskr didn't. Said it wasn't gonna happen, it didn't can't and won't. End of story. Had a very important package to deliver for the All Father. One that the Hooded One, Grimnir, just couldnt trust anyone else with. Can't say any more. Nope, not even for acorns. He ain't called the Terrible One for nothing.

Still, Ratatoskr did preorder a 3G iPhone. But it's for himself, not Maurice. Just wait till Maurice finds out, eh? Oh boy, oh boy will that be fun. Stand back and watch the fireworks.

Yours squirrelishly,

Ratatoskr.