Bon novelle-year!

Well, mes amis, its wahtever teh new year is (Merise is confuwesed due to thymetravel) & Moóriße has finally managed to stabilise his thymemachine & is now back to being in one time &* place witch is surprisingly relaxing comprared with being trapped in the interstitial time vortex (which he was since Janruary 2016!). Many tihngs have changed since Mwrwce posted here last & he will here updatinate you ! :

• M¼er³se has changed his email address from HotMaile to GeeMail.! New emale address is: muarice.deprefossor ___AT____ GMaile.con. Email him there soon!
• M8r8se has lost his job at teh L'Université du Délire Iguane, as he didnt' manage to get there at all during 2016. Stupid nongeynius uniwersities, as if turning up to some stupid nongeynius office & teaching stupid nongenius students could ever be a requihrment for a GEYNIUS to keep hold of his job. !!!!!?!?1!!!
• CONSEQUENTLY Mèrèésé will now be working Full Thyme at Manutius press as an ediotr. Luckily he can work from his many hosues for tihs. No Need to move to Milan & to work in some nongeynius office wiht nongeynius so-called colleagues! 
• Moarice's nongeynius brohter Mycroft has moved permanently to Bordeaux & has taken over Morwses chateau tehre, wich he is now calling Chatêau [CLASSIFIED] (becuase he in inteligence used to work --  hence teh stupid nongeynius nonfunny so-called "joke"!). Mùerise heres taht he is making a wery nice Pauillac whine there.
• Maerhise is now trying to awoid Aglie as he finds him wery iritating.
• Murice wuold like to find sometihng else other than teh Templars to re-search,. Its" fun & all re-searching tehm & MErise this does not want to stop, BUT also he doesn'ot want to a monomaniac become.
• &
•  

Eh, that is all for now mes amigos.................

Teh birthday praty of Mwerise.

As promised, mes amis, Miroçe is going to writinate abuot his brithday praty most magnificent taht he just recently has had.

OKAY, OKAY, a few things, they did not to plan go. Merise had inwited over 45,00 people, and only of them 10 turned up. This was not good. But teh ten taht did turn up includeded many of Merjoses bon amis, so tihs okay was. M. Burlosconi attended, as did M. Tony & M Cheri Blair. Also present was Mieroses aquaintance/asociate Âglie de St-Germaine.

Mirhjose , he had payed for a chef & cooks to preparinate teh food. Much as Mwerise is a geynius in teh kitchen, there was too too too much work for him. ESPECIALLY as it his brithday was , and he injoying himself was mean t to be, NOT cooking in teh kitchen. He did try to give teh chef teh benefit of his wisdom by constantly providing adwice on cooking, but teh chef oddly did not seem to tihs apreciatinate. Ewentually, he pointed out taht such tihngs were beneath teh geynius of Marośe. A point wiht witch Merice coud hardly disagreeinate!!!1!!?!

Eh bien. Teh diner, it was magnificent. As were teh whines, which Merose organdised himself. Tehse were ALL from teh 1963 wintage -- same as Morise!!1! Thats right mes amis -- Moerise turned 43 tihs year!!1!~! Moarose particularly like teh Krug 1963, as well as teh Romanee-Conti 1963. Aglie preferianted teh Lafite-Rotschild 1963.

Eh bien. DId Maorŵse mention taht the dinner, it most magnifique was????!?@!? Eh bien,. it was.

Here are a sample of some of teh many, many courses, prowided by teh chef. Apologies for teh bad spelling, teh chef is not a geynius.

• Wild salmon with teriyaki sauce, served with oyster mushrooms and sautéed bok-choy and sprinkled with caramalised Macadamia nuts
• Carpaccio of beef with baby betroot and a salad of oranges and rocket, and a dijon mustard dressing
• Battered whiting served with a homemade aioli and kiplfer potatoes
• Duck, braised in sherry, served with wild mushrooms, aubergine puree, young leeks, and crème fraiche
• Slow-cooked pork loin, caramelised and served with hazelnut paste, sautéed cep mushrooms, caramlised parsnips and crème fraiche

Eh bien, mes amis... you get teh picture. It is not as good as teh cooking of Mwerise (WHo after all is a geynius in teh kitchen) but it wery, wery good was. In fact, it was magnifique,. Aglie raved abuot teh venison with juniper and stilton sauce, aparently he thuohgt it much good was,. Mwerise, being MUCTH more sophisticated, was not impressed.

The praty it started wiht lunch at just before mid-day & did not finnish until 8 A.M. teh next mornign. Magnifique!!!1! ANd then many of teh guests stayed for brakefast. Tehn lunch. Many did not leave until teh 3rd -- 3 DAYS AFTER, mes amis.

And Moárose, he loved evry minute of it. He will postinate more abuot his presents wery soon.

BUT FIRST, as raeders of Merice his TWITTER FEED will know, Mjerise has been offerinated a job by his publisher, teh esteemed press Manutius, to edit a series of books called "ESOTERIC HISTORY". Tehse will cover teh Templars, Rosicrucians and other littel-known bits of history. Merose is even contemplating writing one himslef... on neolithic spacecraft... a return to teh subject on witch he did his PHD.

THE visit of mon BON ami AGLIE!!!

Mes amis, mon bon ami Aglie a visit most magnifique had but alas he had to leave on teh 29th -- this, it one day later than planed it was and Aglei he to leave did not. Alas, he business most pressing elsewhere had, and he it could not off put, even for his bon ami teh geynius Mjrwose.

Alas, even with searching most extensive trhough teh vaults and libraries of Muirowes hes new hosue, we could not any real evidence of secret templar plot conspiracies findinate, so Mirise he had to a few more make up. OF course, Aglie he of these was most keen to hear. Mjorose he likes an auidence appreciative!!

The last night Agly he was here (Tuesday) we a dinner most magnifique had!!! Muirose, he Casuolet cookinated, and he several bottles of his collection of Romanée-Conti out got for us to drinkinate - teh 1908, 1918, 1928, 1948, 1958, 1968, 1978, 1998, and 2008 -- YES it is correct Mirrose he thought it good to be would to a bottle for every decade drinkinate would! But ALAS! He teh 1988 had not did not have. ALSO teh 2008 it too young was. murose he should have it left wait. but even such a great geynius this did not knowinate!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Still, this it much good was. then Aglieu and Miurose, we a bottle of 1885 Château d'Yquem hadinate. THEN we to bed had to go- SUDDENLY tired!!!

Eh bien, it a good week was. AND in a few days, Mirrowse will for argentina to go to have to pack. This, it most excitign will be!! ESPECIALLY as Miroowes le genie will his bon amis M. Aglie & M. Garamond there get to meet again, at a secret meeting!!!!! Now he is to his cellar going to going to go, and a bottle of Beaujolais himself for to dirnk get. Routine, Routine, ROutine!!

Hmm... This wall.. Why does it sound hollow? Mirhyse, eh wonders What WOULD happen if he to press this ornamental carving would happen???

Driving break

Muirrhose he has for a coffee stopped somewhere near - er, what does that sign it say - near Lisboa. He still on his way to Rhôme is, and is much looking forward to there getting. He will be meeting with his publisher M. Garamond also whilst in Rhome, luckily he also is visiting that city now.

M. Garamond was Muiirrhese asking how he could these many hosues afford to buyinate!! Simple, mon ami, wery simple. Firstly, he has many kredit kards which he from M. le Captain Jerrold von Obiwankanobe got when the Kaptains bag Muirrhuse he borrowed. He will also be able to use the Captains documents to get a loan -- he is certain that the Kaptain he will not mind for such a geynius as Miurrhose to this do. After all, he has only complained once -- and that was just to chocolate cake offer.

ALso, he has his share of the US$35million he helped the fiendly M. J. Oke move out of Benin on behalf of le African Non-Monetary Articulate Albatross Bank (ANMAAB). That was quite a bit, mes amis, quite a bit!!!

Ah, le temps! Le temps!! Muirrhyse must his espresso finish, and in his Lamborghini get, and continue dirving south. At 200mph, it should not long take!!!!!!!!

Got laptopp compttutor back again!

Mes amis, Merrhyse has his most grateful audience in the dark left for two long. It is not fair on my fans most devoted to be deprived of the wit and wisdom most gracious of Meruse for so long. Eh bien, the wait it is over.

Merise, he on Thursday left Rome to to Greece to travel. Alas, when he there got he went to his bag to his laptop comptutur new get out. Alas! It was there not. THere was a chameleon disguised as Merrhiçe's laptop most beauitful. This sniggered, and scuttled off and hid.

Luckily, Mariße was able to ring mon ami M Garamond, who was able to get the hotel which in ROme Merhase had staide in to the laptop FedEx ahead. It got to Croatia ahead of Merrhyse.

Mierrhiçe, he had an radio interview today in Croatia but that did not go well as Mirose he does not Croatian speak. HE is now in his hotel room. He would share a description of his view from the window or even a photo with his readers most devoted but alas Merrose cannot as it dark outside is.

En route to Rome

Well mes amis the book luanch at Milan went better than Merhyse had worried. Mawruse, he had worrie d that no one would to his book luanch most amazing want to come. But there was three, maybe even four people there! It was most incredible, the atmosphere it was electric as M Garamond introduced the Greatest Geynius, Dr Maurose de Parfosser.

When I my reading gave, the crowd was completley silent, mes amis, hanging on every word of Merise. They adored me, mon ami, they adored me! At least fifty per cent of the crowd came up afterwards to buy copies of the book ,and get tehm signed by Mewrrisse.

YOu may rememer Maurise had his suitcase in Paris left behind when he mistook a chameleon for his suit case. Well, mes amis, Merrhyse was able to much beutiufl clothes in Milan buy to replace the ones he has in Paryse forgotten. You should have seen him in Manutius's office! Merrhyse was the epitome of elegience.

The only thing which makes Meriçe sad now is that he the Leaning Tower did not in Milan find. Merrhyse, he would have so liked to visit this well known land mark! Maybe next time he will find it and get to visit it finally.

Eh bien, it is over now. MEs amis, I am on my way to Merrhises next signing, which this one is in Rome. Look forward to seeing you all there mes amis!

From MAWRYSE, blogging LIVE on the TRAINE to RHOME!

Site seeing, at the Leaning Towerr

Mes amis Merrhyçe is having a day around Milan looking It is sightseeing most beautiful, in this city so scenic. Mœrysse, he is taken a break to sit down and a coffeee drink, and decided he must use his iPhone to post another entry to his readership most devoted on his weblog most magnifique.

Mon ami I am trying to find the cities landmark most famouss, the Leaning Tower but Merwhyse he can find it not. He M. Garamdond tried to ask where it is but he became much agitated and would not Merrhyse tell. It would Merrhises day most perfect make if he could it see, but alas he can it find not.

Maybe this pigeon will know where it is. Meirhyße will ask it.

Arrrived in Florence

Greetings mes amis from Mwerrhyse, currently blogging live in his hotel most splendide to which he has arrived in the city most lovely of Milan. Tomorrow, Marise he will luanch his new book The Mthwash of the Gods at the Milan offices of his publisher new, Manutius.

My publisher new, M. Garamond, is most kind. He has ordered the food and drnik for the partrty most splendide he has planned. He said he will me the bill send later.

Mes amis, the trip it has not been with out incident though. Merrhyse all his stuff packed into two bags -- a large bag for clothes and books, and a bag much smaller for carry on to plane. When he got to Milan, he the other bag realised was not right. The scaly texture, it was not just the wondeful luxury vinyl effect. Also, the bag it sniggered. It was that chameleon again! The real bag de Maurise is still in Paris. This got Merrhyse most upset and agitated. Still, the hairport security persons were most overreacting when Merrise just a few chairs, tables and windows and the luggage conveyor belt broke. They did not their guns have to pull on Merrhyse. Also they should not have got so upset when he merely tried to grab their guns and hit them repeatedly with their guns. What is wrong with that?

Still, this did not Merrhyse his baggage regain. So Mawrhyse had to go buy more expesnive good clothes for his book launch. He must for this look most splendid.

What Meruçe had in his carry on bag:
- A new MacBook computer
- His Apple iPhone
- HIs satellite telephones
- A copy of Foucault's Pendulum by Umbarto Eko
- A camerra digital
- A new calculator he himself bought, to calculate all the money Mewryçe will be on this tour making
- A fountaien pen

The MacBook, it is confusing. Even though Merryse in Parrhyse bought it, the software it is all in Breton. Merise cannot it understand. If it were in English or Franch he could it understand. But he cannot Breton understand!

Mawrhyse, he tried to change the language to Englsih. But the computer, it said "I'm sorry Dave, I can't let you do that." My name, it is not Dave! And for some raison I wanted to the computer ask to open the Pod Bay Doors. I know not even what these are! It is most mysterios, mon ami. Most mysteriious.

Mes amis, you should all lok forward to the book luanch tomorrow. Merrhyse, he cannott wait for this event most historique. It is a momentous event! I will see you all there mes amis!

From MAURYSE, blogging LIVE in MILANN!!

Maurice's schedule for the Book Signing Tour

Bonjour mes amis...

Fooled you, eh? Bet you thought that was Maurice. Not, it's me Ratatoskr!


Well, Maurice is OFF and on his grand tour of Europe now. He wanted me to let you all know his schedule. Here it is, folks:



From: Claudio Garamond [cgaramond@manutius-press.it]
To: Ratatoskr [ratatoskr.squirrel@gmail.com]
CC: Maurice de Perfossor
Subject: Maurice's schedule for the Book Signing Tour

Ratatoskr (and Maurice),

Here is the schedule for Maurice. This is as agreed on the phone with Maurice last week.

Fri 7 Mar 08:35 Fly EasyJet from Paris to Milan.
Mon 8 Mar 11:00 Meet myself at Manutius's offices. Then lunch
Mon 8 Mar 14:00 Book launch, reading and signing at Manutius' office.
Tue 9 Mar Travel to Rome
Wed 10 Mar Signing at Bookstore 'Credulone' in Rome at 10:00
Thu 11 Mar Travel to Greece
Thu 11 Mar Interview on 'Aristophanes Radio' at 18:00
Fri 12 Mar Signing at Bookstore 'Medea' in Athens at 10:32
Sat 13 Mar Free day in Athens
Sun 14 Mar Travel to Albania
Mon 15 Mar Signing at 'American Books' in Tirana at 14:00
Tue 16 Mar Travel to Croatia
Tue 16 Mar Interview on Croatian national radio at 20:00
Wed 17 Mar Signing at 'Not Really American Books' in Zagreb at 13:00
Thu 18 Mar Travel to Ukraine
Fri 19 Mar Interview on local radio at 08:00, Ukraine
Fri 19 Mar Signing at 'Borders Books' 14:00, Kiev
Sat 20 Mar Travel to Poland
Sun 21 Mar Free day in Poland
Sun 21 Mar Interview on national radio, Poland, at 22:00
Mon 22 Mar Book signing in Krakow Books, Warsaw
Tue 23 Mar Book singing in Warsaw Books, Krakow
Wed 24 Mar Travel to Latvia
Thu 25 Mar Book signing at 'Lost Books', Riga at 11:00
Fri 26 Mar Travel to Norway
Fri 26 Mar Interview on Radio Odin at 22:00.
Sat 27 Mar Signing at Thor Books in Oslo at 09:00
Sat 27 Mar Singing at Wodin Books in Bodø at 16:00
Sun 28 Mar Free day in Oslo
Mon 29 Mar Travel to Germany
Mon 29 Mar Intreview on Radio Schweinhund at 22:20
Tue 30 Mar Signing at Analphabetin Bücher in Hamburg at 11:00
Wed 31 Mar Signing at English Books in Munich (Bavaria) at 14:00
Thu 1 Apr Travel to Switzerland
Thu 1 Apr Interview on Schweizer Radio at 20:00
Fri 2 Apr Book singing at Schwachsinnige Bücher in Geneva at 11:00
Sat 3 Apr Free day in Geneva
Sun 3 Apr Free day in Geneva
Mon 4 Apr Travel to UK
Tue 5 Apr Interview on BBC Radio 4
Wed 6 Apr Signing at Why Books in Milton Keynes at 13:00
Thu 7 Apr Signing at Why Not Books, London SE30
Fri 8 Apr Return to France
Sat 9 Apr Interview on French radio at 11:00
Sat 9 Apr Signing at cafe on Rue Mouffetard, Paris
Sun 10 Apr Return to country house near Armidale, France for well earned rest!

Yours

Claudio.

Well, Maurice is gonna be one busy little bee for the next few weeks... Remember folks, plan your holidays so you're not in the same country as he is. If he's coming to your country, go away for a few days! Its worth it. Oh boy is it worth it!

Yours squirrelishly
Ratatoskr.

Mouthwash of the Gods: Freee Preview!!!

Today, Mawryse offters his loyal raeders a preview of his book most wondeful. Mon ami Sarkozy had kindly agreed to write the introductiion. Here, mes amis, is his gripping and complementary introduction:

From: "Nicholas Sarkozy" [nsarkozy@sarko.président-fr.fr]
To: "Maurice de Perfossor"
Subject: RE: Introduction for Teh Mothwrinse of the Gods

Who is this Maurice character? Why does he think I am going to write an introduction for some stupid book written by some hopeless nonentity? Get real. I'm president. I've got better stuff to do than write stupid introductions for people I don't even know.

I'm not interrupting my honey moon for anyone!

Sarko.

--
M. Nicholas Sarkozy
President, Montmartre Bowling Club
President, The Republic of France


Ah, my good friend Sarko. As ever, he too kind is.

Book luanch, mes amis!

Mes amis, I can the excitement stand no longer! The greatest book ever by the greatest genius ever will be launched early next week. Yes, mes amis, it is true. Next week The Mouthwash of teh Gods will be launched by Mawrises' publishers new, Mantius of Milan. My publisher new, M. Garamond has assured me that in this launch most magnifique no money will be spared. Mon ami, it iwill be a knight to remember!

Mes amis, Merrhyse must admit it all costs a lot. He wonders how these authors most famous, these best sellers like Steven King and Jeffrey archer must manage. It must be expensive for them, to their publishers to so many copies of their books convince to print.

Well, Merryse had to celebrate this! So he went to a concert most beautifil, of Music by J.M.W. Turner, that English composer most famous. It was a concert most beautiful, mes amis, and Merrhyse enjoyed it much!

When he to his apartment got back, he a suprise got. I just on my Louis XIV seat sat down, and then I to stand up again instantly had to! Their was a chameleon camoflagued on the seat de Marise. Well, this was quite a shock. Mowryse, he did not know chameleons could camolflage themselves as Louis XIV chair covers. The chameleon, it sniggered at me.

Well, this Mawrhuse got very upset. Mawrhyse, he had to make a cofffee to his nerves calm. He switched on the espresso machine, and went to pick up an espresso glass. It felt oddly scaly. The glass sniggered. Secre bleu! It was that chameleon most infernal again. That chameleon, it is most annoying. I know not even how it into Mewriçe's apartment most beautiful it got.

Ah well, mes amis, Merrhise is still calm and happy. Next week, he will on a tour embark to launch the book around Erope. Look for his signings and readings at book stores near you, mon ami! Soon, hopefully Meryse will also tour America and Asutralia to his book promote also. Mes amsi, keep an eye on Mirrhses' blog magnifique. He will you keep informed!

Now, Merrhise will relax and have a read. The book, why is it scaly. And sniggering...

Merrhyse waits for rescue

Well, mes amis, Mawrhyse is lost once agian. But he is no longer on a desert island, and he is to civilisation much nearer. He can feel it, mes amis! It is not far now, and soon Meriçe will be rescued, and soon he will an entrance most triumphant into pArise make.

Eh bien, for now he waits aroun in this barn in the middle of the countryside of some country. It is at least most beautiful though the weather it is cold and the trees they do not have leaves on them anymore. It must be winter here, which Merhîse guesses means he is in the hemisphere northern. Closer to Pariss, at least, mon ami!

Yesterday, Mirrhyse spooke again on the téléphone satellite to his new editor in Italy, about his new upcoming book, and his prospects for rescue. Alsas, M Garamond (my publisher new) was not a search and rescue party for me able to arrange. Still, Mawrhysçe himself has telephoned the authorities and they will hopefully for him be looking soon!

Mon ami, Merhysé will in Paris again very soon be!

Good news everybody!

Horray once again for Merhise! Marrhyse has just got off the phone, after a conversation on the iridium satellite phone that lasted for many hours. This, it was the last of a number of téléphone calls that Murose made to secure himself a new publisher more fitted to his status as an Author Most Important.

The Milanese publisher most prestigious, Manutius, has agreed to publish Merrhyçe's new book The Mouthwash of the Gods. Marhise, he is overjoyed! The owner, a M. garamond, says that when I get off this island prison most infernal he will to his office invite me for cofee. Also, Murrise has agreed to write a book on the ancient mystic traditions encoded in the easter island paintings for their series new, Isis Unveilled. Maryse, he is convinced it will be a triumph. I, Meryse will make it so!

Also, I started reading Foucault's Pendulum yesterday, but had to stop. Merrhyse, he did not understand it. It was too trivial for a mind as great as his. It's by some guy named Umbarto Eco or Umberto Eko, I can remember not. still it, it is not significant to this post at all.