On teh plane

Merrose, he is on teh plane back from Colombia to France at last mes amis! Horray! Merose, he is overjoyed. Also, the plane it has WIFI. Maerose, he is of this even more overjoyedd.

He is most upset thoughg that he cannot a signal on his Apple iPhone get, he has been trying to make a fone call on it. Allso, the stewardess she is much intent on harrassing Merise to turn his iPhone off. Also, Marose has tried useing Skype on the hairyplane wifi network but it works not.

Ah, at least he can use the airplane skyphon. This, it is wery expensive but never fear! Mearose still has the credit cards from the captians bag that he took off of the captitan of the S.S. Cado.

Still, he at least will in Paris be soon. And now he must get on the fone to M. Garamond, Merisess'es publisher most esteemeed.

Got laptopp compttutor back again!

Mes amis, Merrhyse has his most grateful audience in the dark left for two long. It is not fair on my fans most devoted to be deprived of the wit and wisdom most gracious of Meruse for so long. Eh bien, the wait it is over.

Merise, he on Thursday left Rome to to Greece to travel. Alas, when he there got he went to his bag to his laptop comptutur new get out. Alas! It was there not. THere was a chameleon disguised as Merrhiçe's laptop most beauitful. This sniggered, and scuttled off and hid.

Luckily, Mariße was able to ring mon ami M Garamond, who was able to get the hotel which in ROme Merhase had staide in to the laptop FedEx ahead. It got to Croatia ahead of Merrhyse.

Mierrhiçe, he had an radio interview today in Croatia but that did not go well as Mirose he does not Croatian speak. HE is now in his hotel room. He would share a description of his view from the window or even a photo with his readers most devoted but alas Merrose cannot as it dark outside is.

En route to Rome

Well mes amis the book luanch at Milan went better than Merhyse had worried. Mawruse, he had worrie d that no one would to his book luanch most amazing want to come. But there was three, maybe even four people there! It was most incredible, the atmosphere it was electric as M Garamond introduced the Greatest Geynius, Dr Maurose de Parfosser.

When I my reading gave, the crowd was completley silent, mes amis, hanging on every word of Merise. They adored me, mon ami, they adored me! At least fifty per cent of the crowd came up afterwards to buy copies of the book ,and get tehm signed by Mewrrisse.

YOu may rememer Maurise had his suitcase in Paris left behind when he mistook a chameleon for his suit case. Well, mes amis, Merrhyse was able to much beutiufl clothes in Milan buy to replace the ones he has in Paryse forgotten. You should have seen him in Manutius's office! Merrhyse was the epitome of elegience.

The only thing which makes Meriçe sad now is that he the Leaning Tower did not in Milan find. Merrhyse, he would have so liked to visit this well known land mark! Maybe next time he will find it and get to visit it finally.

Eh bien, it is over now. MEs amis, I am on my way to Merrhises next signing, which this one is in Rome. Look forward to seeing you all there mes amis!

From MAWRYSE, blogging LIVE on the TRAINE to RHOME!

Site seeing, at the Leaning Towerr

Mes amis Merrhyçe is having a day around Milan looking It is sightseeing most beautiful, in this city so scenic. Mœrysse, he is taken a break to sit down and a coffeee drink, and decided he must use his iPhone to post another entry to his readership most devoted on his weblog most magnifique.

Mon ami I am trying to find the cities landmark most famouss, the Leaning Tower but Merwhyse he can find it not. He M. Garamdond tried to ask where it is but he became much agitated and would not Merrhyse tell. It would Merrhises day most perfect make if he could it see, but alas he can it find not.

Maybe this pigeon will know where it is. Meirhyße will ask it.

Arrrived in Florence

Greetings mes amis from Mwerrhyse, currently blogging live in his hotel most splendide to which he has arrived in the city most lovely of Milan. Tomorrow, Marise he will luanch his new book The Mthwash of the Gods at the Milan offices of his publisher new, Manutius.

My publisher new, M. Garamond, is most kind. He has ordered the food and drnik for the partrty most splendide he has planned. He said he will me the bill send later.

Mes amis, the trip it has not been with out incident though. Merrhyse all his stuff packed into two bags -- a large bag for clothes and books, and a bag much smaller for carry on to plane. When he got to Milan, he the other bag realised was not right. The scaly texture, it was not just the wondeful luxury vinyl effect. Also, the bag it sniggered. It was that chameleon again! The real bag de Maurise is still in Paris. This got Merrhyse most upset and agitated. Still, the hairport security persons were most overreacting when Merrise just a few chairs, tables and windows and the luggage conveyor belt broke. They did not their guns have to pull on Merrhyse. Also they should not have got so upset when he merely tried to grab their guns and hit them repeatedly with their guns. What is wrong with that?

Still, this did not Merrhyse his baggage regain. So Mawrhyse had to go buy more expesnive good clothes for his book launch. He must for this look most splendid.

What Meruçe had in his carry on bag:
- A new MacBook computer
- His Apple iPhone
- HIs satellite telephones
- A copy of Foucault's Pendulum by Umbarto Eko
- A camerra digital
- A new calculator he himself bought, to calculate all the money Mewryçe will be on this tour making
- A fountaien pen

The MacBook, it is confusing. Even though Merryse in Parrhyse bought it, the software it is all in Breton. Merise cannot it understand. If it were in English or Franch he could it understand. But he cannot Breton understand!

Mawrhyse, he tried to change the language to Englsih. But the computer, it said "I'm sorry Dave, I can't let you do that." My name, it is not Dave! And for some raison I wanted to the computer ask to open the Pod Bay Doors. I know not even what these are! It is most mysterios, mon ami. Most mysteriious.

Mes amis, you should all lok forward to the book luanch tomorrow. Merrhyse, he cannott wait for this event most historique. It is a momentous event! I will see you all there mes amis!

From MAURYSE, blogging LIVE in MILANN!!

Maurice's schedule for the Book Signing Tour

Bonjour mes amis...

Fooled you, eh? Bet you thought that was Maurice. Not, it's me Ratatoskr!


Well, Maurice is OFF and on his grand tour of Europe now. He wanted me to let you all know his schedule. Here it is, folks:



From: Claudio Garamond [cgaramond@manutius-press.it]
To: Ratatoskr [ratatoskr.squirrel@gmail.com]
CC: Maurice de Perfossor
Subject: Maurice's schedule for the Book Signing Tour

Ratatoskr (and Maurice),

Here is the schedule for Maurice. This is as agreed on the phone with Maurice last week.

Fri 7 Mar 08:35 Fly EasyJet from Paris to Milan.
Mon 8 Mar 11:00 Meet myself at Manutius's offices. Then lunch
Mon 8 Mar 14:00 Book launch, reading and signing at Manutius' office.
Tue 9 Mar Travel to Rome
Wed 10 Mar Signing at Bookstore 'Credulone' in Rome at 10:00
Thu 11 Mar Travel to Greece
Thu 11 Mar Interview on 'Aristophanes Radio' at 18:00
Fri 12 Mar Signing at Bookstore 'Medea' in Athens at 10:32
Sat 13 Mar Free day in Athens
Sun 14 Mar Travel to Albania
Mon 15 Mar Signing at 'American Books' in Tirana at 14:00
Tue 16 Mar Travel to Croatia
Tue 16 Mar Interview on Croatian national radio at 20:00
Wed 17 Mar Signing at 'Not Really American Books' in Zagreb at 13:00
Thu 18 Mar Travel to Ukraine
Fri 19 Mar Interview on local radio at 08:00, Ukraine
Fri 19 Mar Signing at 'Borders Books' 14:00, Kiev
Sat 20 Mar Travel to Poland
Sun 21 Mar Free day in Poland
Sun 21 Mar Interview on national radio, Poland, at 22:00
Mon 22 Mar Book signing in Krakow Books, Warsaw
Tue 23 Mar Book singing in Warsaw Books, Krakow
Wed 24 Mar Travel to Latvia
Thu 25 Mar Book signing at 'Lost Books', Riga at 11:00
Fri 26 Mar Travel to Norway
Fri 26 Mar Interview on Radio Odin at 22:00.
Sat 27 Mar Signing at Thor Books in Oslo at 09:00
Sat 27 Mar Singing at Wodin Books in Bodø at 16:00
Sun 28 Mar Free day in Oslo
Mon 29 Mar Travel to Germany
Mon 29 Mar Intreview on Radio Schweinhund at 22:20
Tue 30 Mar Signing at Analphabetin Bücher in Hamburg at 11:00
Wed 31 Mar Signing at English Books in Munich (Bavaria) at 14:00
Thu 1 Apr Travel to Switzerland
Thu 1 Apr Interview on Schweizer Radio at 20:00
Fri 2 Apr Book singing at Schwachsinnige Bücher in Geneva at 11:00
Sat 3 Apr Free day in Geneva
Sun 3 Apr Free day in Geneva
Mon 4 Apr Travel to UK
Tue 5 Apr Interview on BBC Radio 4
Wed 6 Apr Signing at Why Books in Milton Keynes at 13:00
Thu 7 Apr Signing at Why Not Books, London SE30
Fri 8 Apr Return to France
Sat 9 Apr Interview on French radio at 11:00
Sat 9 Apr Signing at cafe on Rue Mouffetard, Paris
Sun 10 Apr Return to country house near Armidale, France for well earned rest!

Yours

Claudio.

Well, Maurice is gonna be one busy little bee for the next few weeks... Remember folks, plan your holidays so you're not in the same country as he is. If he's coming to your country, go away for a few days! Its worth it. Oh boy is it worth it!

Yours squirrelishly
Ratatoskr.

Book luanch, mes amis!

Mes amis, I can the excitement stand no longer! The greatest book ever by the greatest genius ever will be launched early next week. Yes, mes amis, it is true. Next week The Mouthwash of teh Gods will be launched by Mawrises' publishers new, Mantius of Milan. My publisher new, M. Garamond has assured me that in this launch most magnifique no money will be spared. Mon ami, it iwill be a knight to remember!

Mes amis, Merrhyse must admit it all costs a lot. He wonders how these authors most famous, these best sellers like Steven King and Jeffrey archer must manage. It must be expensive for them, to their publishers to so many copies of their books convince to print.

Well, Merryse had to celebrate this! So he went to a concert most beautifil, of Music by J.M.W. Turner, that English composer most famous. It was a concert most beautiful, mes amis, and Merrhyse enjoyed it much!

When he to his apartment got back, he a suprise got. I just on my Louis XIV seat sat down, and then I to stand up again instantly had to! Their was a chameleon camoflagued on the seat de Marise. Well, this was quite a shock. Mowryse, he did not know chameleons could camolflage themselves as Louis XIV chair covers. The chameleon, it sniggered at me.

Well, this Mawrhuse got very upset. Mawrhyse, he had to make a cofffee to his nerves calm. He switched on the espresso machine, and went to pick up an espresso glass. It felt oddly scaly. The glass sniggered. Secre bleu! It was that chameleon most infernal again. That chameleon, it is most annoying. I know not even how it into Mewriçe's apartment most beautiful it got.

Ah well, mes amis, Merrhise is still calm and happy. Next week, he will on a tour embark to launch the book around Erope. Look for his signings and readings at book stores near you, mon ami! Soon, hopefully Meryse will also tour America and Asutralia to his book promote also. Mes amsi, keep an eye on Mirrhses' blog magnifique. He will you keep informed!

Now, Merrhise will relax and have a read. The book, why is it scaly. And sniggering...

Merrhyse waits for rescue

Well, mes amis, Mawrhyse is lost once agian. But he is no longer on a desert island, and he is to civilisation much nearer. He can feel it, mes amis! It is not far now, and soon Meriçe will be rescued, and soon he will an entrance most triumphant into pArise make.

Eh bien, for now he waits aroun in this barn in the middle of the countryside of some country. It is at least most beautiful though the weather it is cold and the trees they do not have leaves on them anymore. It must be winter here, which Merhîse guesses means he is in the hemisphere northern. Closer to Pariss, at least, mon ami!

Yesterday, Mirrhyse spooke again on the téléphone satellite to his new editor in Italy, about his new upcoming book, and his prospects for rescue. Alsas, M Garamond (my publisher new) was not a search and rescue party for me able to arrange. Still, Mawrhysçe himself has telephoned the authorities and they will hopefully for him be looking soon!

Mon ami, Merhysé will in Paris again very soon be!

Good news everybody!

Horray once again for Merhise! Marrhyse has just got off the phone, after a conversation on the iridium satellite phone that lasted for many hours. This, it was the last of a number of téléphone calls that Murose made to secure himself a new publisher more fitted to his status as an Author Most Important.

The Milanese publisher most prestigious, Manutius, has agreed to publish Merrhyçe's new book The Mouthwash of the Gods. Marhise, he is overjoyed! The owner, a M. garamond, says that when I get off this island prison most infernal he will to his office invite me for cofee. Also, Murrise has agreed to write a book on the ancient mystic traditions encoded in the easter island paintings for their series new, Isis Unveilled. Maryse, he is convinced it will be a triumph. I, Meryse will make it so!

Also, I started reading Foucault's Pendulum yesterday, but had to stop. Merrhyse, he did not understand it. It was too trivial for a mind as great as his. It's by some guy named Umbarto Eco or Umberto Eko, I can remember not. still it, it is not significant to this post at all.

Phoning Merise's editor

Merese rang his editor on the satellite phone today. I do not always with my editor get on well, so it was not as pleasant as one may expect of such a phone conversation.

After all, one would expect a lowly editor would of course be honoured to work for such a great genius as M. Muryce de Perfossor! Alas, it is not the case, mon ami. My editor, he is much annoyed with Merisse. Morase wonders if this is because he at him a chair threw last time we met. No, Merryse is convinced it is not this minor incident. Morrrise is the definition of composure at all times, and they were eventually able to rebuild their garden pagoda.

No, mes amis, it is simply that a person as mediocre can not with such a great mind, with such a genius as is Mariçe cope. No, it is beyond him and he is envious of my intellect and my fans most devoted. Maybe he is just of my red beret most wondeful envious.

Eh bien, when Meryße is off this island he will another publisher find. One who his great genius can appreciate. It will be them, not V. A. Nity Press that will publish Meryse's new messterpeice, the novel The Mouthwash of the Gods!