Zondering qround ?ONTRÉQL111

?ES Q?IS ,rhyise he is in q cqfé in ?ontréql qround sitting qnd q coffee enjojying zhen suddenly he re,bered his LOYQL FQNS ,ost loyql1 Qnd then; ,es q,is; he si,ply just HQD to q nnez zobleg post postinqte: Qnd here it is ,es q,is11

Photograph by Tango7174

Qqqqqqqqqqqqqrgh:::::: ?jurozse hqs just noticed ) he is using the AZERTY keyboqrd zonce qgqin1 Oh noes111 He zill try to type porpely from NOW ON, but it much difficult is qnd even such a greyte geynius qs Mjerêse zill mistqkes ,qke:

Hmmmm:::: getting more used to this noz mes amis.

Eh bien, Mjèrése hqs teh hiways qnd biways of Montréql been explorinqting qnd ,uch interesitng he has it found111 Especcialy teh Vieux Montréal, zhere Mhwrzyse enjoyed seeing teh Vieux-Port; teh Château Ramezay Museum qnd wandering round teh Barri Gotic.

Teh view from Mjeréqse his hôtel windoz111

Eh bien; it is true: Mjeérhjyse he thinks he himslef should qn aprrqtment here find1

Return to Castello di Maüris!!.

Mjorwíse he woken up has after a good night s sleep (though he did some how manage to pour spill hot chocolate all over Murjhóse himslef -- not good, mon ami, not elegante!).

Well, now he teh road wants to hit, and so in a munute he will to his Bugatti Veyron go, and to Castelli di Maúryße drivinate. Wonce there, he will its secrets fully be able to discover fully.

Méjrioce le genie, he not even time for brakefast yet has had yet, but eh bien he will brakefast on teh road buyinate -- maybe un café au lait and some croissants. Mmmm... croissants.

Photo by ana branca

Returngin to Italy...

Mes amis, tomorrow Muéîrjhose to Italia flys back. He is going to see his bon ami Aglie, who is to visit Mjhrwse in his new Italian castle coming to visit!! This, it most exciting will be!! And it, it will make up for teh fact that M. Agliè, he did not to the birthday praty de Mjiwrøse come!

Mjuwjose has whit the lawyers in Sidney his inheritance worked out. He no longer has to worry about muney, mes amis!! He woes financial, they are solved!!!

Eh bien, Mjswzrnwrce he will again write when he in Italia is arrivinated.

Breakfast on teh run....

Wow! Muirrhise he is now able to experience teh glory that is Rhôme -- and just in time for breakfast, mes amis! So many beautiful and hysteric buildings! So many cafe-lined squares so elegant!! It is in such as squire that muirrrhuse he is now sitting, enjoying a breakfast most leaisurely.

Hold on mes amis!! This sign, it says that Muirrhyowse he in Gdańsk is, not Rhôme. So that, it explains why everyone Polish is speaking, not Italian! Dobrze, że wyjaśnia wszystko!

Well, moi znajomi, Muirrhyse must now finish his espresso and into his Lamborghini get, and see if to Rhôme by lunch time he can it make... Życz mu szczęścia, moim przyjaciołom i lojalni czytelnicy! Σύντομα θα πρέπει να είναι στη Ρώμη...

Arrived in Australia!!

Well, of course mes amis merrhuse he arrived in Australia some days ago! He on the 3rd August AD 2008 set out, and now it is the 17th. Mes amis, Muaruse he did not his raeders most devoted in suspense want to keep, but he jet lag most terrible had!

The plane flight, it was than last time much better. The flight, it took 78 hours -- it only 52 hours was meant to take but the pilot he got lost and a few rwong turnings took. Eh bien, it was good to in Sydney hair port finally touch down. But after a flight so long Murrhyse he killer jet lag had!

Mes amis, Murrhuse then to Paris in Australia drive. It was a long drive, and Muiryse he kept falling asleep at the wheel. This, it was not good! Even with Maurhyse his built-in in-car espresso machine he could not keep up enough with enough espresso coffe to Muarwse him keep awake. SO he along the way in Bruges, Australia had to stop. Well, at least now Muirrhyse he a new iPHONE for Maerhose his Australian mobile phone account has, having one in Bruges bought.

After this braek, Murruse he to Paris Australia drove on. He then the next few days in his home spent recovering from Jet Lag.

Mes amis, would you beleive that Muawruse the first phone call on his Australian iPHoNe 3G new was from his friend new mon ami Agliè? And yet, mes amis, it was so. He seemed most agitated, and wanted to know if a map of a secret templar castle muairuse he had claimed to have could Aglié he borrow from Muarhsye? Alas, Murarise this map does not really have. Myuarise is too clever to this admit though. Mourise he told Agl~eie that it in his house in Armidale France had it left. I wonder if he Moiruse believes...

A walk through teh gardens

Mes amis, Mawrose he is still enjoying in his new house being, He has just a walk through the gardens most extenisve and most beautiful been for. He some photographs of that jardin most beautiful thought that his readers most devoted might like to see. Eh bien, mon ami, they are here:

Found a HOUSE mes amis!!!1!

Mes amis, Mawrose has the house most beautiful found. Mes amis, it is Maerowses dream most wonderful come true! Maurise, he has a chateau near Arles in le South de France just bought! Mes amis, you would not believe how bauetiful it is just already! Mes amis, it everthign has!

It is a small mediaeval chateau, with towers and everythhing that Maerose he could possibly want. Mes amis, it is of the most buaetiful stone built, and it it is in the position most beautiful. Also, it gardens most beautiful has. Maerowse he will in them be able to walk whilst he is his next best selling book writing! He has a good fieling about it already!!

There was just the small matter of money, but such a great geynisu as Mearose does not with such trivial details concern himself. Eh bien, he just one of the Capitans credit cards handed over, and this it seemed to be acceptable.

Maurhese knows that his audiense most adoring would not let him go without posting some photos. Here they are. Enjoy, mes amis!

Running out of oxiegen

Mes amis, Mawrise is still Lost in SPace! He knows not what to do mes amis. Also, the oxygen it is running out and Mero∫e he has read that without oxygen he cannot breathe. Mirosse has also read that this, it is not a good thing. SO Moerhhyse he has to figure out how to pilot this escape pod back to Paris BEFORE he out of oxiegen runs. This sounds almost imposible.

Lucky Mowruçe is a geynius and so for Marrrhise nothing is imposssible, mes amis, NOTHIGN!

House Hunting. Virtual stlye.

Hmm, Maybe this house it would for Merrise be good enough:

http://realestate.nytimes.com/sales/detail/2836-4000005830

No, mes amis, it too modeste for a geynius such as Merrhiçe is. This one, ah mes amis, this one it is more suited for the genie du Merise:

http://realestate.nytimes.com/sales/detail/2836-4000005386

Or maybe this one:

http://realestate.nytimes.com/sales/detail/2836-4000005827

Oh! THe indecisiion! MErrhyse, he cannot his mind make up. ITs too much, mes amis, too much. THese houses, they are all too beautiful. And Merrise, his laptop batterie is about to die mes amis...

Life in Norway, by Merise!

Mes amis, Merrhuyse he is much in luck! This mroning he under a tussock looked, and found several powerpoints mounted into the permafrost. Also, there was a phone and network socket. Also, he was able to his laptop plug in and internet access get. Mes amis, you are saved! The adoring audiense of Morrrise will not be deprived of his geynius most unique!

Alas, Mewrise himself is not yet saved. He still in the North of Norway is trapped. He is hopping that his Good Friend Ratatatatoskr will to the rescue come. Maybe Ratatoskr will a helicopter here fly up. Or maybe he will at the head of a train of reindeer arive. Still, Meruse he hopes that Ratatatosk here arrives very soon. Is cold, mes amis, is cold.

Luckily there was some cold weather gear in the Piper plane Merise he stole. Otherwise, Mawwrwise he would be in big trouble. Also, since the plane it did not explodinate Merrrise he is able to sheltere in it. Le plane Piper, she is too damamged to fly alas. But she can at least shetler to Mawrose the geynius offer!

Mes amsi,s have no doubt that Merosse he will get away from here. Once again very soon you will in Armidale in France see him mes amis!

Code division multiple access

Mes amis, Mawresse has noticed that one of the captains mobile phones is CDMA. So he can confirm that he cannot even get a signal CDMA here on this desert island.

Merrose, his iPhone arrived today via courier. He was much excited to have un nouveau téléphone mobile. He has activated it using his computer, but I am not able to much else do with it. Merrase is on an uninhabited desert island in the middle of the pacific, all alone. There are no GSM mobile phone networks here, mon ami. Still, he can his calendar work out! Here is an extract:

Friday 7th December: Wait for rescue.
Saturday 8th December: Wait for rescue.
Sunday 9th December: Day off. Read book. Talk to palm trees.
Monday 10th December: Wait for rescue.
Tuesday 11th December: Wait for rescue.
Wednesday 12th December: Wait for rescue.

Mes amis, I think you the picture get! Still, at least I this satellite téléphone have.

Adrift

Mes amis, I am once again alone on a desert island.

But let me relate the sad story of Morrhyse's woes once again. Marriçe was onboard the S.S. Cado, and all seemed to be going well for his rescue. But, mon ami, things seemed to go down hill for Morrace after he stole the captains bag. After that, the captain he seemed restless and much agitated. It was one dinner time when I was with the captain enjoying a witty and intelligent conversation. The capitan made a pained expression, and said "I cannot take this idiocy any longer. You know what to do."

At this, as if at some secret signal, some of the crew grabbed hold of me, and dragged me to the deck. They threw Morrhesse into the sea, and another sailor threw my bag after Mawrese. Well, mes amis, Mawrise he was distraught and did not know what to do. Clearly there had been some mistake! After all, the cpatain he had much been enjoying Mowrice's delightful conversation.

In any case, Morrhyse soon found himself on another dessert island. I still had the captains bag, but threw away everything other than the satellite telephone, the computer, the gun, the rum, the money and the hot watter botttle. So Mawrhyse can use one of the two satellite telephones he now has to connect to the internet. But how to get power!

Mawrrhese went for a walk around the island. There was plenty of food and some fresh water, luckily. Also, Morrhyse found a small ship beached on the other side of the island. This piece of luck, it was incredible! The ship was still perfectly intact and ocean-worthy. So Morryse, he was able to strip the ship to make a shelter to live in and an improvised generator for electricity. Such a task would be hard for anyone who is not a genius as Mawrrrhyse is! But I, Morrhese, am a genius and for me such a task is easily possible. After several hours tinkering with engine parts, I had a servicible generator which would run on the ships fuel or when this runs out on coconut milk. The wood Morrhyse stripped off and used to make a hut most beautiful.

Well, mes amis, once again I am stranded. If only Morrise could find a small plane or helicopter, then he could escape from this infernal island! It is an intollerable trial to be stuck away here, far away from civilisation. Also, internet access over satellite telephone is very slow.

The Captains bag

Mes amis, Mowrrhyçe snuck into the bridge at night and stole the captian's Prada bag. Alas, there was no coffee or espresso machine in it though it was most heavy.

Here is what it contained

• Another satelite telephone


• A GPS unit


• A hand gun


• Several kilograms of useless talcum powder


• A laptop computer


• Several GSM mobile phones


• Several books, including The MI5 Handbook: CLASSIFIED Section 272/3a, The CIA Operative's Covert Ops Guide and So You've Decided to Be a Double Agent for the KGB.


• About thirty clear glass-like stones, nicely cut


• A hot water bottle


• Three bottles of rum, one of whisky


• US$100,000 in cash, plus miscellaneous credit cards under various names


• Five passports, all from different countries and under different names. Strange, the photo is all of the capitan

Friends, Morrhyse took this back to his room but was much disappointed when he found nothing of interest in it. So I returned to the bridge, and continued to search. After a few minutes, Morrhyse found an esperesso machine and some coffee hidden away. Victory at last!

Since the bridge is not often unattended, Morrhyse had to make quick his getaway, before he was noticed.

Marooned!

I think, my friends, the most important question is: why is it "marooned"? Why not some other colour? Reded? Blueed? Purpled? Greened? This is the question that has been going round and round in Maurisssssse's head since he was Marooned on this deserted island late last month.

But, mes amis, you deserve a more thorugh account of Mowrice's trials. So I will start at the beggining, and start there to tell you about how I came to be alone on this desert island, all alone.

It started on Saturday 27th October, when I left my home near Armidale, France to fly to my other home near Paris, Australia. Naturally, I flew with the airline Elast Ickband Air the world's number 900 airline as I hoped this company, it would be very good. Alas, mes amis, they were not.

At first, the flight it was going well. Mowrrhyse had managed to get into the First Class without anyone noticing that his ticket it was really Cattle Class. Murrrace had a book launch to look forward to when he arrived in Australia, the launch of his new messterpiece Escaping Paradox: A New Methodology in Neolithic Spaceship Construction. Alas, this launch, I was never to see how well it went. Events started to conspire against Morrice about an hour into the flight.

First, a flight attendant noticed that Morrhyse, he was not ment to be in First Class. Naturally, when I was told that Mawrrhyse could not in First Class remain but must to Cattle Class go, I reacted with the calmness and composure for which Mawryße is famous. I tried to explain my case rationally, but maybe Mowryse he got overexcited. Even so, the stewardess she should not have made so much fuss over a small injury inflicted where Morrice bit her, and only about three rows of chairs were damaged beyond repair. 

Well, mes amis, from then on I was in Cattle Class. I do not know at what time it was, but then the plane started developing engine problems. Mawrice, he noticed that both engines were on fire. Soon, the fire it spread to the main body of the plane. This would seem like an insoluble problem but, remember, Morrice is a genius! And no problem is insoluble for a genius like Mawryse. So Maurrice got down his hand luggage and pulled out his snakeskin-patterned parachute, and put it on. He then opened the door and he jumped out.

I then landed in the sea somewhere, and looked up only to see the plane explodinate in a fireball. Mes amis, Maurrice was veyr happy that he was not on that plane any more.

After a day drifting in the sea, Mahryse drifted up on this island. Luckilly Maurrhyse had food in his bag so could still eat. Also, the island has plentiful wild food. Yesterday, Mowrryse hunted and caught some wild tinned confit de canard, and was also able to trap some pâté de fois gras that fell into his trap. Also, he can get a weak WiFi signal from some distant access point. Also, he found that there are power points between the clumps of marram grass - no need to worry about the battery of the laptop becoming deadinated!

So, here I wait, hoping someone will rescue Morryse one day...

Alas

Alas, mes amis, no rescue for Morrhy∫se today.

Maurrhise attracted the plane, which was  a seaplane, and it landed. Unfortunately, it was on a rescue mission looking for someone else, not Morrise.  These people, they were looking for the crew of a ship that had sunk near by. I had, I think, seen this ship they talked of so told them when I had seen it. But alas since they were for these people looking, not Maurryse, they could not rescue me. That was not what they had been told to do.

Eh bien, Maurrhyse will stay on the île and waite...

At least, with internet accesss, my adoring public are not deprived of their chance to bask in 'le genie de Mawryçe' -- the genius of Marise!

What Maurhyse misses...

My modest house in the French countryside near Armidale in France

By Steve Jurvetson, on wikipedia

which I had just left, on my way to my home near Paris in Australlia

By fir0002, wikipedia

but here is where I am now -- why??? Quel dommage...

By Dr. James P. McVey, NOAA Sea Grant Program

And you may ask, mes amis, why does Wikipedia have picture's of Mawrisses houses on it? A good question, mon ami, but the answer is simple: to illustrate their article on the greatest genius that ever lived! At:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maurice_de_Perfossor.

Mawrise's voice over IP

Mes amis, do not think that in being lost on a desertted island, Mhyrryse has forgotten his students back at the université. No, mes amis, Mhyrece remembers them still! Until today the university had needed to employ a stand-in lecturer, but no one can stand in for the genius of Maerrice! 

However, today I found that by the magic of modern technology, I can still give my lectures! Yes, my friends, even though I am cast away on a desert island, because I can get internet access, I can do anything!

Today, I figured out how to use the wonderful software Skype to make a video call. With a scype wideo call, Mawrhhece can gives his lectures from afar! My students were so pleased to bask yet again in my wisdom, that they cried from joy.

From my island, I can give my lectures, read papers, and work on my new book about the Tesconians and the Colesmyerians, both breakaway 31st century religious sects. I refuse to mention the Walmartians, they were too horrible for words.

So, Maurrhyse continues with his great work, although without much of the daily grind of teaching, and with little contact to students or faculty


hmm maybe this desert island, it is not so bad after all...