Bonjour à nouveau!

well mes amis you all will much glad to be to know that your favorite freind Maurose de Pirofssor has to his hosue & home in Armidale, France once again it back made. Alas, he the Eurostar train never found, but when he around for it was walking looking, he somehow in Dover ended up and so the ferry to France able to take was.

Once in France, he a Caterham Seven R500 was for himself able to buy. At 150mph, the trip back home it did not much long take. Teh drive it not without incident was.

Murroiwse he buy teh Gendarmerie stopped was, he asked the GEYNIUS muirowase to see a thing called a "driving license". Murrohse knew not of what he talked, Muirrhyse one of these does not have!!! Luckilly teh R500 can from 0 - 60 mph in 2.88 seconds go, so Muirrohwse he pretendinated that his "DRYVING LISENCE" (whatever it is) in teh car was and then got in and off WERY WERY WERY fast drovinated. Why should a geynius such as Murrhoswe with TRIVIA like DIRVING LYCENCES himslef have to concern???

Well MES AMIS that is all for today. But despair not! Muirrowse has many more adventures with witch to regale you! Vous parler de lui très bientôt!

My friend new Agliè

Mes amis, Meawrose is his stay in teh north of fRance much enjoying. Still, he is to his house in teh south of frAnce much looking forward to getting back home.

And it is about this that Murrhise he wants to write. Mon ami, you may rememeber well that time when Miruse he went for an evening walk near his home in the SOUTH of france, and made a few wrong terns and somehow Murroswse he in the NORTH of france ended up. Well, that walk mes amis was so Miurruse could his neighbours there meet.

Well, imagine the suprise de Mwerrhyse when he bumpted into a gentlemen here who he is a neighbour of in teh SOUTH of france! This man, his name it is M. Agliè, and Mierowse much happy to make his acquantance is. We of many things talked, including the Knights Templar and the high cost of velcro (M. Agliè thinks that this, it is a conspiracie most evil of The Bavarian Illuminati!).

Well, sadly mon nouvel ami had to teh south of france again go back very suddenly, in mid conversation in fact (we had just got to the bit where Maerowse he was his book the Mouth Wash of the Gods going to discuss). Still, Mairuse looks forward to seeing him in the south of france once again much!

Inadaquate food

Mes amis, Meaerowse has been lost in the woods for he knows not how long, walking and walking hoping that he would his château most beautitufl again find eventually. But alas, it was not to be. Maurhise he has not his way home found. 

He has been eating blackberriess and mushrooms and acorns and believe me, mes amis, they are no substitues for the wonders Murrhuse his chef can whip up in le kitchen! Last night he was reduced to eating a caesar salad he found in a hollow log, wiht only blackforest gateau that he in a hollow tree trunk found for desert.

Also, Miuriçe thinks that he has the chameleon seen a couple of times. This is most distristressing, not good mes amis.

Eh bien, Muawruse is sure that he will home again get wery soon. Moiurse is a geynius, and for a GEYNIUS such as him NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!! NOTHING, mes amis!!!!!!

Léàvïng Bogotá

Mes amis, Mawruse he has himslef on a flyte to Parrhyse booked, that it it is leaving in just a few hours. Mawrisse bids a fond fairwell to Bogotå, and must himself a taxi hail to the airport to get to. Nonetheleees, he will of course his readership most loyal keep infromed of the details of his fligte back to Paris.

See you in Paris, mes amis!

Still House Hunting

Meriçse, he has the entire day spent talking on his satelite phone, talking to real estate agents in the south of france. It is hapening, mes amis, it is happengin! Finally, Mawriße he will his dream haus in the south of fRance get. If only he can from the Nroth of Norway escaep!

Merrhise he hope satelite telephone calls do not cost much, he has made so many. HE made many calls both in Nroway and in the Dessert Island on which he, the geynius, was trapped. Maybe sateelite phone calls, they are free.

Oh well, in any case Mawruse he will soon from hsi Arctic Hideawya be rescued wery soon mes amis!

Waiting

Greetings from sunny Norway mes amis! Acutally, this it is just Merrises little joke. Its not sunny is wery cold here and Meriçe he has the past few weeks spent shivering constantly. Ah Meroße he pines for warmer climes. He promices himself that onse he gets away from here, he will himself a new house on the south coast of france buy himself. One with at least 100 rooms. ANd NO PERMAFROST.

Still, Merrhiçe a wisitor again at least had. The tall gentelman with the one eye called again today. He, he had two (2) pet ravens with him. Merose, he thinks theyre names were Huginn and Muninn, or Muninn and Huginn, Mawrui∫se he cannot rememebr alas. Still, this Strange wisitor a present at least to Mawrusse gave, he him a beautiful long spear this time gave. MErrhse was most flattered, it most beauutiful is though mArose is not certain where at home he will it put. Maybe in le umbrella sttand.

Oh yes, and if you happen in to in North Norway be mes amis, could you please Merriçe rescue?

Ratatoskr, if you are reading this mon ami, Merrhise he needs your help! Alas, he much cold is and also out of food is running. Mes amis, he is having to get by with foriaging for food.

Last night, he looked under a rock and found a roast pheasant. He under another rock also looked and found a chocolate cake. But, he is not certain how much longre he can this life of foraging and eating poor wild foods (the pheasent was slightly burned) keep up!

Ratatatoskr, Morise neeeds rescuing Much!

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

So true for Merhise too! Like mon ami Edeth Piaff, Mowrhyse still has no regrets, even after his time most awful on that desert island abandaned all alone.

Still, Merrhyse is glad to in PAris once more agian be. He will tell you, his readers most faithful, all about his triumphant return tomorrow. Be patient, mes amis!

Rescued!

Yesterday, Merrhyse was rescued form the field in which he had crashinated his plane. Good news, he found out that he in the south of france had landed! The reason Marise could not the Frenchmen understand is that they were all talking Breton, not French. Yes... Breton. That'll work. Everyone round here seems to be speaking... Breton, so we are in English ahving to communicate.

Still, it has arranged been that I, Mwrhyse will to Paris return tomorrow. Tomorrrow shall be the date of the triumphal return to Paris of Famous Aiuthor Marrise de Parfossir! Mes amis, there will be crowds lining the streets, and fire works and parades. I am most certain mon ami my good friend Nicolas Sarkozy will eb there to greet Merrhyse, after his too long absence from Paris.

Mawrice cannot to his flat in Paris get back wait. He has been away for so long, and misses it much!

Mapless

Merrhyse, he cannot a map find. Oh no. Anyone know which way Paris is from here?

Also, Mewryse does not even know where is is right now. Still over the pAcific, he thinks. Also, I have not slept since the night before last. So tired. Must sleep but cannot as am flying airyplane.

Luckily, my mental faculties they are as acute and sharp and wonderfull as ever. NOTHING escapes Mirrhice.

Talking of which, one thing I notice just now mes amis is that Mawryse he cannot a map find. Oh no. I just realised this, it means Merrhyse is lost. Anyone know which way Paris from here is?

Joyeux Noël

Merrhyse is unhappy as he by himself all alone on this ilsand most horrible celebrated Christmas.

But, mes amis, not to be despondent! Mawrhyse has a method to escape from here determined, and will tell all his readers most loyal and devoted when he it has just perfected most beautifully.

First I have to figure out how to make plane fuel from coconut milk. Hmm, tricky! But Meriçe is a geynius. And for a geynius, nothing is imposible. NOTHING, mon ami!

Good news everybody!

Horray once again for Merhise! Marrhyse has just got off the phone, after a conversation on the iridium satellite phone that lasted for many hours. This, it was the last of a number of téléphone calls that Murose made to secure himself a new publisher more fitted to his status as an Author Most Important.

The Milanese publisher most prestigious, Manutius, has agreed to publish Merrhyçe's new book The Mouthwash of the Gods. Marhise, he is overjoyed! The owner, a M. garamond, says that when I get off this island prison most infernal he will to his office invite me for cofee. Also, Murrise has agreed to write a book on the ancient mystic traditions encoded in the easter island paintings for their series new, Isis Unveilled. Maryse, he is convinced it will be a triumph. I, Meryse will make it so!

Also, I started reading Foucault's Pendulum yesterday, but had to stop. Merrhyse, he did not understand it. It was too trivial for a mind as great as his. It's by some guy named Umbarto Eco or Umberto Eko, I can remember not. still it, it is not significant to this post at all.

Café society

It's good to see that my old friend Ratatosk is keeping you at home well informed of the geynius that is Merose. I have not a chance to read any of his posts yet had, but am sure he nothing but praise and adoration for his good freind Merrice has. I am also sure that you, mes amis, my loyal readers are greatful to have another window onto the geynius that is Marreçe.

Well, mon ami, today Merise day dreamed about walking down the long boulevards of Paris, and drinking many cups of coffe with his good freinds in small parisian cafes. The eleganse! The conversation most intelligant! And all these people in admiration of Meryse! Merrriße misses it all much.

Still, even if Maryse cannot the wide boulevards of paris recreate, he can try to recreate a small coffe shop. He has the espresso machine set up on a small bench, and has a counter created for his cafe. Now all that is missing is the conversation intelligent and the adoring people come to admire the great Merhise.

Still, at least Mauwrhyse can enjoy an intellectual discussion with this palm tree. ANd debates with that basalt boulder. These conversations, they help keep Merrhyse sane and happy. Oh to be in Paris now spring is here.

Hang on springs not here yet in Paris. Its still mid winter.

Phoning Merise's editor

Merese rang his editor on the satellite phone today. I do not always with my editor get on well, so it was not as pleasant as one may expect of such a phone conversation.

After all, one would expect a lowly editor would of course be honoured to work for such a great genius as M. Muryce de Perfossor! Alas, it is not the case, mon ami. My editor, he is much annoyed with Merisse. Morase wonders if this is because he at him a chair threw last time we met. No, Merryse is convinced it is not this minor incident. Morrrise is the definition of composure at all times, and they were eventually able to rebuild their garden pagoda.

No, mes amis, it is simply that a person as mediocre can not with such a great mind, with such a genius as is Mariçe cope. No, it is beyond him and he is envious of my intellect and my fans most devoted. Maybe he is just of my red beret most wondeful envious.

Eh bien, when Meryße is off this island he will another publisher find. One who his great genius can appreciate. It will be them, not V. A. Nity Press that will publish Meryse's new messterpeice, the novel The Mouthwash of the Gods!

Code division multiple access

Mes amis, Mawresse has noticed that one of the captains mobile phones is CDMA. So he can confirm that he cannot even get a signal CDMA here on this desert island.

Merrose, his iPhone arrived today via courier. He was much excited to have un nouveau téléphone mobile. He has activated it using his computer, but I am not able to much else do with it. Merrase is on an uninhabited desert island in the middle of the pacific, all alone. There are no GSM mobile phone networks here, mon ami. Still, he can his calendar work out! Here is an extract:

Friday 7th December: Wait for rescue.
Saturday 8th December: Wait for rescue.
Sunday 9th December: Day off. Read book. Talk to palm trees.
Monday 10th December: Wait for rescue.
Tuesday 11th December: Wait for rescue.
Wednesday 12th December: Wait for rescue.

Mes amis, I think you the picture get! Still, at least I this satellite téléphone have.

Rue Mouffetard

From: Jacques [jacques@mouffetard-1.fr]
To: Maurice de Perfossor
RE: Rue Mouffetard

Please tell us about your wonderful apartment on Rue Mouffetard?

Jacques

Well, my devoted readers, you have spoken and I, Morreyse, have listened! Eh bien, my appartment most beautiful is what you will hear about.

It is too, too long since I have been in my beautiful Rue Mouffetard apartment. Still, I miss the markets most beautiful, and the cofee shops where I would talk to my devoted audiences. Mowrrise would sit and talk to a devoted audience until they all suddenly had to go, and the coffee shop it became very empty. This often happened quite quickly, but Morese knows they did not want to go. They were enjoying listening to me speak.

And Moryçe's apartment was the epitome of understated French elegance! The simplicity yet beauty of it astounded people much!

Here, mes amis, is Morrhyse's bedroom:


Here is is simple but functional living room and study:


My favourite memory still is walking down Rue Moufffetard one winter's evening, with the lights most bright shining and the cold and the darkness all around Morrhyse, knowing that he his apartment most beautiful had to go back to. It is at such time that Parris is at its most beautiful, at night in the lights of the street.

Mowreyce misses it still!

Apologies, mes amis, apologies

Mes amis, Mowrhiçe must apologise much for his extended silence. I am ware of the sorrow and suffering my many fans must have felt, being deprived evenly briefly of the wit and wisdom fantastique of Maurace.

Well, fear no more, Merrhise is here! Moruse has spent the past few days exploring his island prison, and, mon amis, it is not so bad. There is plenty of food and fresh water. Yesterday, Marrese caught several saucisse de Morteau in his trap. And I have a shelter most beautiful built, which has a desk for Mowrece''s great work, and a small bedrom most beautiful.

Seeing how lovingly constructed and perfect, yet how small and simple and isolated, his new hut is Morrese was tempted to shed a few tears. How I remember my apartment on Rue Mouffetard! It is a far cry from this little hut. I get faster internet access there too. Mowrise misses shopping in the market, and drinking coffe in the little cafes. Ah, how he misses it!

Also, Merrise missed out on the launch of the iPhone, which in Paris happened recently. He has by mail order bought one but he is thinking it is not likely I will a singal from Orange's french mobile network pick up in the middle of the pacific. Even with roaming, there are no standard GSM mobile phone networks here, mes amis.

Maybe CDMA would work.

Helliflopter

Morrhyse found an old but still fully functioning hellicopter and helipad whilst walking through the jungle on his island today. Merryse was of course most delighted! He was able to use the parts from this most magnificant machine to improve his generator. I was also able to use the propellors to make a fan, for some air conditioning for Mawrise's comfort!

If only Merrece had a boat, he could sail away from this infernal island!

Normality - life on the S.S. Cado

Mes amis, the confusion is starting to die down. The captain, he is thinking that maybe his bag fell overboard. Morrhyse has hidden it in his own bag. There is nothing of interest to Mawryße in it, but it is not possible to return it. Maryse does enjoy having real coffee for a change, though.

Life onboard the ship is pretty standard, mundane, and follows a predictable routine. As I am not a crew member, I just watch the crew members doing all the work. Sometimes when I think the genius of Mawryse might provide a better way of doing something I of course try to suggest this to the sailors. Sadly, they do not recognise the genius of Mawrhyçe and are often most agitated when I try to suggest better ways to do things to them.

This morning, a helicopter landed on the deck and some men armed with machine guns burst out. There was a brief shoot out, but they were forced to retreat by the crew. The cpatain fired a rocket after them as they flew away but he missed. After that, we had lunch. It was an insipid roast. As I said, nothing but dull routine! Nothing to stimulate the mind of the geynius that is Morrhyse.

Alas

Alas, mes amis, no rescue for Morrhy∫se today.

Maurrhise attracted the plane, which was  a seaplane, and it landed. Unfortunately, it was on a rescue mission looking for someone else, not Morrise.  These people, they were looking for the crew of a ship that had sunk near by. I had, I think, seen this ship they talked of so told them when I had seen it. But alas since they were for these people looking, not Maurryse, they could not rescue me. That was not what they had been told to do.

Eh bien, Maurrhyse will stay on the île and waite...

At least, with internet accesss, my adoring public are not deprived of their chance to bask in 'le genie de Mawryçe' -- the genius of Marise!