HORRAY!! SAVEINATED!!

Muirrhyse!!! HE IS SAVED!!!!! SAVED, I TELLS YOU!!!!!!!!1!

Okay, mes amis, I will now down calm.

Ahem.

Well, mes amis, Muiirrhowse was eating a modest lunch of caviar and larks tounges with truffles in foie gras and honey sauce, when he a phone call was interuppted by. Aparently, he a great Uncle had in Argentina had! And sadly, Muirrhyse had never known of or even met his Great Uncle Pedro. And yet he to his gret nephew Muirhyse left his fortune and his properties in Argentina, Spain and America.

Oui, c'est vrai! Muirrhuse has once again been saved. Now he can his debts all pay off, and he many new desirable hosues has. In Argentina, he has an apartment in Buenos Aires and a substantial estate in the countryside. He will there have to go soon very soon.

But first he must the lawyer meet and speak wiht. Apparently this law firm they also offices in Sidney has. Murrhise agreed to meet them there, and sign the forms they need as formalalaitys.

Muirrrhose cannot wait. He to Sudney flies out tomorrow. WISH HIM LUCK!!!!

Lada NIVA - The NEW car of CHOICE for MUIRHO∫E teh GEYNIUS

Mes amis, Muirrhuse has on to eBay.fr logged on to, and has found himself a Lada Niva foure wheel driven car to replace his Rolls Royce, Bugatti and Lamborghini cars.

Bit of a come down for our great Geynius Miow®hoße, mes amis, quite a bit of a come down from his Ferrari --- but what can he do? Mon ami Capitan (non, mon ex-ami le Capitan) said his credit cards could no longer use -- so Murrhüøsåe must his own money use. And of that he has not much!!

Eh bien, this car new it will be of much service for Müriyse to arround his vineyard new drivinate. And he will be able to much money make selling his Castello di Maurice wine and olives, from his new country estatate in ITalia.

Muirrhowse has for teh car wiht pay pal just payinated. ANd now his bon ami Ratatoskr will collect it for him, and to Muirrhywße's new home in Itali it drive. And then he will able be to Muiirhuse help his old cars sellinate. Watch eBay.it, mes amis, watch eBay.fr!!

Cataistriophie most catastrofic!

Mes amis, THE WORST it has happened!! Muirrhyse was just his own busines minding, sitting in teh kitchen of his new country villa near Rhome, when he heard a melliflopter landing outside. Then someone the kitchen door kicked in.

Miurrhy'ses old friend Capt Jerrold von Obiwankanobe walked through the door, along with about a dozen commandos of the US Army. "Well, Muirrhyse", he said. "Pleased to meet you onse again. Let me introduce you - my friends here are members of DELTA force, and will be happy to answer any of your questions, should you be stupid enough to ask any."

Well, mes amis, Muiirhowse he was not happy. But it got wrose, mes amis, much wrose. Apparently, teh Capitan did mind Muirrhise using his credit cards and taking out loans for him. Muaerhowse ttried to explain that it should not matter, as Murrhese a great geynius is but M. le Captain he wod not listen.

M. le Kapitan, he said that he would have to seize Muirrhyses properties. He said he would graciously allowe Murrihyse to keeep one (1) house in Europe and one (1) hosue in Australiaialia, but NO MORE. Of course, to this Muirrhyse objected most severly! He tried to remain calm, and civil, but it wery hard was given the stress and the provication. Still, the soldiers did not have to respond like that - just becuse Muirrhyse had hit one of them over the head with the kitchen table, and tried to steal the gun of another so he could it use to hit them on the head with - there was no call for them to threaten to shoot!

Mes amis, MUIRRHYSE he is not sure what to do now. HE has only two weeks to PAY UP all his debts to the good Capitan and the CIA, or loose his hosues most precious. Also, he can no longer his credit cards that he from the Capitan borrowed use.

Oh noes!!! Soon Murrihse will wonce again a penniles geynius be, reducced to once more dirving around in his Lada Riva!!!

Update - Bought porperty in Italy!!!

Well, as pormised Mes Amis, Muirrhowse said he would keep you date to up!! And so,, he will!!

He has finally agreed to buyinate a APARTMENT in RHÔME, and a VILLA in GENZANO DI ROMA, a Castelli di Roma Village.

Mes amis, these new hosues are most most beautiful and Muirowse he cannot beleive it still! Ah, mes amis, but it is true!

Here are some photos of Muirrhowse his villa in Genzano di Roma:

 

 

The castle itself, it, it was built by teh Knights Templar in the 11th century being buildinated! Muirrowse is sure it a history most fantastique has, and he it cannot wait to explorinate. And this new hosue most maqnifique set back Muiirowse a mear €1,500,000 !!!

Yes, there ARE vineyards and OLIVE orchards on the estate most grande of Muirrhowse de Perfossor! So, mes amos, soon you will be drinkign Chateau Maurice wine, able to taste teh genius of MAUROESE!!

In addition, Muirrhose a most beautiful 4 bedroom apartment near teh centre of Rhôme managed to buy for only €7,600,000! MEs amis, it has everyting! Even all teh floor boreds have been hand painted! It sure good of Mon Ami M. Le Captain to agree for Muiirhowse to all this pay for!

 

 

Mes amis, Muiirrhwse is now going to into his new country villa move into. He will you keep updated, mes amis, he will much informed keep you!!!!

Driving break

Muirrhose he has for a coffee stopped somewhere near - er, what does that sign it say - near Lisboa. He still on his way to Rhôme is, and is much looking forward to there getting. He will be meeting with his publisher M. Garamond also whilst in Rhome, luckily he also is visiting that city now.

M. Garamond was Muiirrhese asking how he could these many hosues afford to buyinate!! Simple, mon ami, wery simple. Firstly, he has many kredit kards which he from M. le Captain Jerrold von Obiwankanobe got when the Kaptains bag Muirrhuse he borrowed. He will also be able to use the Captains documents to get a loan -- he is certain that the Kaptain he will not mind for such a geynius as Miurrhose to this do. After all, he has only complained once -- and that was just to chocolate cake offer.

ALso, he has his share of the US$35million he helped the fiendly M. J. Oke move out of Benin on behalf of le African Non-Monetary Articulate Albatross Bank (ANMAAB). That was quite a bit, mes amis, quite a bit!!!

Ah, le temps! Le temps!! Muirrhyse must his espresso finish, and in his Lamborghini get, and continue dirving south. At 200mph, it should not long take!!!!!!!!

Maerhese in Paerese (again!)

Well mes amis the great geynius Muawrise is again once again in Paris!! He got to France back yesterday, and was much happy to be there.

Alas, his flightt back took seven days rather than the 52 hours it intended to take was meant to, because the Atterrissage Forcé pilot he wonce again got wery lost, and took long time to France find. Then he in Paris not Armidale France landed!

Still, Mwrwse in Paris is glad to be back, and he the flight over is glad that it is. Now he just has to overcome his KILLER JET LAG. I mean, mes amis, THIS is WORSE than last time! After all, mes amis, LAST TIME the flight only 78 HOURS took! This time it 172 hours took!!!1!

Eh bien. Muwryse will now have a few days to spend enjoying life in Paris France, in his apartment most beautitufl on Rue Mouffetard. Then He to Armidale France will drive. First he a new car must buy. Maybe he a Bugatti Veyron will buy. He has these read nice cars are.









Yes. That like a nice car looks. And Muaerise he still some of the spare credit cards he borrowed earlier from the Capitan of the SS Cado still has. Maybe he will a Bugatti as a welcome home present himself buy,

Raeders Wroight

Horray! Maerowse has an email!

From: Captain Jerrold von Obiwankanobe [jvobi@covert-ops.cia.gov]
To: Maurice de Perfossor [maurice.deperfossor@hotmail.fr]
CC: Ratatoskr.Squirrel@GMAIL.COM
Subject: Credit cards

MAURICE! I know you've got my credit cards and are using them! So that's where my bag went. I ask that you must stop using the ones that belong to me immeadiatly, or there will be further consequences. The others, I do not care about. They were just ones I had stolen in any case. Interpol might care though.

Yours,
Jerrold

Capt Jerrold von Obiwankanobe
Captain, S.S. Cado
Sink Fleet Fleet Ships Ltd
"We are definately not a CIA front company!"(tm)

http://www.sinkfleetltd.com/
http://sinkfleet.covert-ops.cia.gov/

Email: capt.j.vonobi@sscado.sinkfleetltd.com
Tel: +1 540 555 0153
Satellite mobile: +1 540 555 0139

Oh no! Maerowse knows not what to do! He had not thought that the Kapitan, he might object to A GENIUS such as MAEORUSE his credit cards using! ALso, Mawrise did not think that maybe some of these credit cards might be ones that the CAPITAN he had stolen.

Murrhose know not what to do. He is scared and confused. He also wonders what these 'CONSEQUENCES' of which the capitan speaks might be. Mawrise hopes it involves chocolate cake.

Ah well, just to cheer himself up mes amis he is buying himself another Rolls Royce on this credit card. He is sure that just one more should a problem not be.

Not that CHAMELEON again!!!!

Oh no! It really is too much, mes amis. This chameleeon, it is a plague on Maerose. Just yesterday, Marrhose he went to have a drink from his cup of coffee and his cup it turned out to be le chameleon again disguised as Mawroyse's hot beverage liquid drink. Merise, he was most upset and most agitated he was. He knew not what to do! The chemeleon it slid away sniggering, but Maerise he knows it will be back. And Maowruse he never wrong is.

Also, just today Morrhuse he noticed that the the credit cards he off the capitan of the SS Cado got all have different names on them. This is odd, even though they are the cards of the Captain only one has his name on it. A couple have names that Morrhuse recognises as being the nomes de plumes of the Capitan, but others he knows not. Who is this M. Directeur Exécutif de l'Unicef that is on one of these cards named? Maerose he knows not.

He hopes that this person is not minding that Maerose he used this cerdit card to buy his house!

A walk through teh gardens

Mes amis, Mawrose he is still enjoying in his new house being, He has just a walk through the gardens most extenisve and most beautiful been for. He some photographs of that jardin most beautiful thought that his readers most devoted might like to see. Eh bien, mon ami, they are here:

Found a HOUSE mes amis!!!1!

Mes amis, Mawrose has the house most beautiful found. Mes amis, it is Maerowses dream most wonderful come true! Maurise, he has a chateau near Arles in le South de France just bought! Mes amis, you would not believe how bauetiful it is just already! Mes amis, it everthign has!

It is a small mediaeval chateau, with towers and everythhing that Maerose he could possibly want. Mes amis, it is of the most buaetiful stone built, and it it is in the position most beautiful. Also, it gardens most beautiful has. Maerowse he will in them be able to walk whilst he is his next best selling book writing! He has a good fieling about it already!!

There was just the small matter of money, but such a great geynisu as Mearose does not with such trivial details concern himself. Eh bien, he just one of the Capitans credit cards handed over, and this it seemed to be acceptable.

Maurhese knows that his audiense most adoring would not let him go without posting some photos. Here they are. Enjoy, mes amis!

Rolls Royce Phantom VS. Lada 1500

Mes amis, this Rolls Roise voiture neuve is much much better than the Lada that Mauresee he used to drive. It is a blessing that he the car keys for the Lada lost and had to a new car buy! In any case, Merose he a new car deserved. And it was just lucky that he a credit card had so that he could for it pay.

In any case, Mes Amis, Mawrose he now in the SOufht of France is. He will let you Know how he with house hunting gets on. Wish him luck!!!!

Nice Rolls Royce goes to Nice, Mes amis!

Mawruse cannot it believe! He could not his car keys find yesterday! He was up till all hours of the night for them searching. And yet, he found them not. Mes amis, You could not imagin how upset Merrhyse he was. He was meant to yesterday to the South of France go to start house hunting.

Then, Mawriçe he rememebered that he still has the credit cards from the captans bag that he took off of the capitian of the S.S. Cado. So, this morning Mærose he took himslef to the local car dæler and bought himslef a Rolls Royce Phantom Using the capitans credit card. What a kind man this capitan is! This card, it will also come in handy when Maeroße he buys himslef that house in the Sout h of France he wants.

Eh bien. Maerohyse he must go now, he needs to the South of France to drive. He cannot wait to his new Rollys Roice test out! It's five hundred and seventy nine miles to Nice, Maerose has a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and Merhyse is wearing sunglasses. Hit it, mes amis!

On teh plane

Merrose, he is on teh plane back from Colombia to France at last mes amis! Horray! Merose, he is overjoyed. Also, the plane it has WIFI. Maerose, he is of this even more overjoyedd.

He is most upset thoughg that he cannot a signal on his Apple iPhone get, he has been trying to make a fone call on it. Allso, the stewardess she is much intent on harrassing Merise to turn his iPhone off. Also, Marose has tried useing Skype on the hairyplane wifi network but it works not.

Ah, at least he can use the airplane skyphon. This, it is wery expensive but never fear! Mearose still has the credit cards from the captians bag that he took off of the captitan of the S.S. Cado.

Still, he at least will in Paris be soon. And now he must get on the fone to M. Garamond, Merisess'es publisher most esteemeed.

Helliflopter

Morrhyse found an old but still fully functioning hellicopter and helipad whilst walking through the jungle on his island today. Merryse was of course most delighted! He was able to use the parts from this most magnificant machine to improve his generator. I was also able to use the propellors to make a fan, for some air conditioning for Mawrise's comfort!

If only Merrece had a boat, he could sail away from this infernal island!

Jokes aside

It must have been the joke about the three nuns, the chief of police and the microwave. Maybe that, it annoyed the cpatain.

I'm wondering how I can work this into The Mouthwash of the Gods, my epic new novel. Maybe the hero of the book can tell this joke. Mawrese is certain that he, he will get a better reception for this joke than Morece ever has. Merrice has never come across any one of sufficient intellict to understand a joke so subtle yet so funny.

Maybe this palm tree will get the joke.

Adrift

Mes amis, I am once again alone on a desert island.

But let me relate the sad story of Morrhyse's woes once again. Marriçe was onboard the S.S. Cado, and all seemed to be going well for his rescue. But, mon ami, things seemed to go down hill for Morrace after he stole the captains bag. After that, the captain he seemed restless and much agitated. It was one dinner time when I was with the captain enjoying a witty and intelligent conversation. The capitan made a pained expression, and said "I cannot take this idiocy any longer. You know what to do."

At this, as if at some secret signal, some of the crew grabbed hold of me, and dragged me to the deck. They threw Morrhesse into the sea, and another sailor threw my bag after Mawrese. Well, mes amis, Mawrise he was distraught and did not know what to do. Clearly there had been some mistake! After all, the cpatain he had much been enjoying Mowrice's delightful conversation.

In any case, Morrhyse soon found himself on another dessert island. I still had the captains bag, but threw away everything other than the satellite telephone, the computer, the gun, the rum, the money and the hot watter botttle. So Mawrhyse can use one of the two satellite telephones he now has to connect to the internet. But how to get power!

Mawrrhese went for a walk around the island. There was plenty of food and some fresh water, luckily. Also, Morrhyse found a small ship beached on the other side of the island. This piece of luck, it was incredible! The ship was still perfectly intact and ocean-worthy. So Morryse, he was able to strip the ship to make a shelter to live in and an improvised generator for electricity. Such a task would be hard for anyone who is not a genius as Mawrrrhyse is! But I, Morrhese, am a genius and for me such a task is easily possible. After several hours tinkering with engine parts, I had a servicible generator which would run on the ships fuel or when this runs out on coconut milk. The wood Morrhyse stripped off and used to make a hut most beautiful.

Well, mes amis, once again I am stranded. If only Morrise could find a small plane or helicopter, then he could escape from this infernal island! It is an intollerable trial to be stuck away here, far away from civilisation. Also, internet access over satellite telephone is very slow.

Normality - life on the S.S. Cado

Mes amis, the confusion is starting to die down. The captain, he is thinking that maybe his bag fell overboard. Morrhyse has hidden it in his own bag. There is nothing of interest to Mawryße in it, but it is not possible to return it. Maryse does enjoy having real coffee for a change, though.

Life onboard the ship is pretty standard, mundane, and follows a predictable routine. As I am not a crew member, I just watch the crew members doing all the work. Sometimes when I think the genius of Mawryse might provide a better way of doing something I of course try to suggest this to the sailors. Sadly, they do not recognise the genius of Mawrhyçe and are often most agitated when I try to suggest better ways to do things to them.

This morning, a helicopter landed on the deck and some men armed with machine guns burst out. There was a brief shoot out, but they were forced to retreat by the crew. The cpatain fired a rocket after them as they flew away but he missed. After that, we had lunch. It was an insipid roast. As I said, nothing but dull routine! Nothing to stimulate the mind of the geynius that is Morrhyse.

The Capitans bag again

Friends, it has been noticed that the captains bag has gone missing. There is much hue and cry, and running around the place. It is of course a danger that Morrhyse will be found out as the person who took that bag, but Morrese is a genius. He will not be found out.

The Captains bag

Mes amis, Mowrrhyçe snuck into the bridge at night and stole the captian's Prada bag. Alas, there was no coffee or espresso machine in it though it was most heavy.

Here is what it contained

• Another satelite telephone


• A GPS unit


• A hand gun


• Several kilograms of useless talcum powder


• A laptop computer


• Several GSM mobile phones


• Several books, including The MI5 Handbook: CLASSIFIED Section 272/3a, The CIA Operative's Covert Ops Guide and So You've Decided to Be a Double Agent for the KGB.


• About thirty clear glass-like stones, nicely cut


• A hot water bottle


• Three bottles of rum, one of whisky


• US$100,000 in cash, plus miscellaneous credit cards under various names


• Five passports, all from different countries and under different names. Strange, the photo is all of the capitan

Friends, Morrhyse took this back to his room but was much disappointed when he found nothing of interest in it. So I returned to the bridge, and continued to search. After a few minutes, Morrhyse found an esperesso machine and some coffee hidden away. Victory at last!

Since the bridge is not often unattended, Morrhyse had to make quick his getaway, before he was noticed.

On-board the S.S. Cado

Well, mes amis, Morrhyçe is enjoying life on board the S.S Cado!

Last night Morrhyse enjoyed having dinner at the capitan's table, and provided much witty and inteligent conversation to my newly found adoring audience. Why, when I told my famous joke about the three naval captains and the iguana, the captian laughed hystericallly, and then burst into tears out of sheer appreciation of Morrese's geynius.

"What on earth could someone of your... unique intellect do for a living?" the captian asked me.

"Well," Morrhyse replied modestly, "I am a professsional genius, a lecturer on pretty much everything, and an author. I write many books most incredibly intelligant on so many subjects it is not possible to sum up quickly."

"You do certainly have an abnormal level of intelligance," the first mate admitted.

"He sure does," agreed the kaptain.

Well, mon amis, life on board the ship is so far good. A few of Morrhyse's creature comforts are lacking -- it is not possible to get a good cup of cofffe for example -- but Morrhy∫e has proved that he can cope with adversity! Besides, I think the captian has some of these and is hiding them from the rest of them. But it is not possible to hide anythign from Murrise, as he is a genius. I have seen his bag in the bridge, and I think it is Prada.

I will take it and report back to you, mes amis.