House hunting.

House hunting has proved to be far more tricky than previously anticipated.

To put it boldly, there are no large 19th century grand homesteads going wanting in the Armidale vicinity. This is most peculiar. It is most annoying.

Of course, I quickly figured that there was only one potential solution: travel back in time to 1829, build a homestead, get tenants to mind it for the next 184 years, and then travel back to the present day and claim my mansion.

Of course, even this wasn't as simple as it should be. The first few places I built were demolished in the '70s, or burnt down, or just fell down. (Drat.)

This might lead to some ... interesting ... insurance claims for me over the next few months, but anyway.

The important point is that I now have always owned a 19th century homestead just outside of Armidale. I'll move back in next week.

Till then ... Adios!

GAZUMPED!!!

Mes amis,..... a tragedie most tragique has occurinated... let me you tell....

Mes amis... Moarose has taken a break from his holiday in Malta to a hosue in London buy.

He is in teh charming city of Londres, England so he can find himslef a hosue that is worthy of his geynius. But he porblems hit even before he he arrivinated. He searched for porperties on teh intern-net taht might of his geynius be worhthy.

BUT he quicjkly founded taht he was priced out of teh top end of teh market!!!?!@1?!?!??????!!! This was inconceivable!!.!?! INCONCEIVABLE!?!????!!!@@ It could not be! Mwaroce a grate geynius is, & so teh best of everything shuold have.

SO it did n't take him long to come to teh conclussion taht he would just have to buyinate teh bestest house possible, even if it bank rupted him for ever& ever. It worth it would be. It would teh message send taht tihs geynius would not settel for 2nd or 3nd best.

SO he around searched & tihs hosue found:

Quality 12 bedroom property for sale in Campden Hill, Kensington, London, W8 - unmodernised, garden, tennis court, garage, planning permission, swimming pool, wine cellar, cottage, country house - Price on application

So he looked at teh web-sight listing & he it much lieked. It was worhtyt of teh geynius of Morrose. So he a viewing of teh porpety arranginated, and indeed he it on Tuesday managed to inspectinate wiht teh Real Estate Agent. He an extensive tuor of teh hosue had & he it much lieked, so he an offer of £42,000,000 to teh real estate agent maded. Teh unreal estat agent was wiht tihs mutch happy, so we back to his car went.

Unfrotunately, taht is when tihngs started to go worng. A car next to us pulled up & Marose by it was much annoyed as it had wery loud rap music playinating which Merose annoyed. SO he went over to complain & TEHN he noticed taht this car -- a big Limousin -- was FULL OF CASH -- all £50 & £100 notes, too, mes amis -- Mjwrose would tohse recognise any where,.

Tehn a man wiht short dark hair & dark glasses got out of teh car. He was wearing a black suit & blakc tie, & looked intimidatating. Maorise was certain he a gun had.

"Hello," he said, "am wery important Russkiĭ business man & am to be havink absolutely no connection to KGB or Russian Mafia, da?" Teh real estat agent noded nerviously. "Am vantink to buy house, da? Pay cash, is good, da?"

Again teh rael estate agent nodded, but thihs time maybe more excitidely tahn nervously.

"Good. Am offer  £100,000,000 for tihs hosue, in cash, no qvestions, da? You accept, da?"

Marose was just abuot to explain explanitorially taht he had an offer on teh hosue made, & also he a grate geynius was, so tihs gentelman it could not ahve, when teh rael estate agent push me aside & said "Yes, of course, sir, that would do nicely."

Móarose was abuot to protest, but he had been pushed off to one side. Maorose! Teh grate geynius!!! Of course he reacted wiht teh calmness & composure for which he is famous. He went back & protested his case most calmly. Maorose might ahve slightly hit tehm with his duck-handled walking stick. Even so, teh rael estate agent taht angry did not have to get & teh highly respected & legitimate Russian business man did not at Moarose have to shootinate. He is certain taht a few stiches are all thats need for the slight cuts to the real estate agents face, & the estate agents car will be fine once a panel beater has beaten out some of teh dents & scratches. And he only broke half teh windows on teh limousine.

Eh bien. Meorose was left to walk back to his ho-tel. Walk!! Teh indignity.

Merise he knows taht Russian business men are highly respected in U.K. business circles as being wery reliable & respectable so he not surpised taht he a hosue in teh U,.K, wanted to buyinate. But he should have realised taht Mierose was teh grater geynius of teh two, & Conceded tihs house to Maoroçe.

On teh bright side, Maorise was abel to grab several handfulls of £100 notes in teh confusion (wiht money flying everywhere) wehn he broke teh windows of teh Russian gentlemans car & tehm in his pockets stuff. So he ahead is. By £20,000.

Mierose is tihinking of maybe a hosue in Greenwich buying. Okay, so may be it not quite as glamorous as Kensignton is, but at least tihs way he will not himself bankrupt for ever & ever.

And may be he should also a country estate some wherre in teh English cuountryside most charming.

Or maybe he shold his town hosue in Edinborough buyinate???

Decisions, mes amis, decisions....!!!1!

Zondering qround ?ONTRÉQL111

?ES Q?IS ,rhyise he is in q cqfé in ?ontréql qround sitting qnd q coffee enjojying zhen suddenly he re,bered his LOYQL FQNS ,ost loyql1 Qnd then; ,es q,is; he si,ply just HQD to q nnez zobleg post postinqte: Qnd here it is ,es q,is11

Photograph by Tango7174

Qqqqqqqqqqqqqrgh:::::: ?jurozse hqs just noticed ) he is using the AZERTY keyboqrd zonce qgqin1 Oh noes111 He zill try to type porpely from NOW ON, but it much difficult is qnd even such a greyte geynius qs Mjerêse zill mistqkes ,qke:

Hmmmm:::: getting more used to this noz mes amis.

Eh bien, Mjèrése hqs teh hiways qnd biways of Montréql been explorinqting qnd ,uch interesitng he has it found111 Especcialy teh Vieux Montréal, zhere Mhwrzyse enjoyed seeing teh Vieux-Port; teh Château Ramezay Museum qnd wandering round teh Barri Gotic.

Teh view from Mjeréqse his hôtel windoz111

Eh bien; it is true: Mjeérhjyse he thinks he himslef should qn aprrqtment here find1

Discoveries

Mes amis --- Mjorhowse teh geynius and Aglié, they for a drive went and this time Muirowse genarously let his bon ami Aglei drivinate. Oh but he not such a good dirver as Mjrjse is!! He went so slow!!! For murose it wery tedius was -- we NEVER went faster than 120km/h!!! SUCH SLOWNESßS!!

Eh bien, when Aglie and Mjuirose (geynius) to teh castle got back, Aglie he suggested we for a look around teh castle went. Well, this such a good idea was that Muras just had to agreeinate!!! There are many rooms in teh castle, many wiht original furnishings, so there much interesting to see was. Well, mes amis, in teh librarry, burried in amongst a pile of books on geology and astrology, was a book most unique!!!

It, an ancient laether bounded volume called Gli antichi segreti dei Templari was -- this, it means "Teh Ancient Hidden Secrets of teh Templars"!!! It was clearly published before 1750 was, and so Aglie up on it fell with much delgiht. There, there a MAP was, showing teh location of some of teh hidden Templar castles, and the conetents page listed detailed descritpiton of EVERY hidden secret Templar plot. This , it too much a good find was!! Mirrhowse he could not it beleive!! AND yet, it true was!!!

Well , mes amis, Muirrhowse teh geynius and Aglie will now to the study of Mirwse this take. AND There we will now it Studyinate. Mirwose, he is certain that the two minds of these scholars most eminant (though of course Mueworse he is teh MOST eminant) will together SOMETHING of most important significance in this document unqiue be able to findinate!!!

Finally arrivinated in Sidney

Well, Muirrhyse has arrivinated in Australia after again fllying with Atterrissage Forcé. Well, wonce again Muirrhyse he killer jet lag has!!

First, eh went to pick up his Maserati Quatrroporte, and tehn to his apartment new in Sydney went to drive. But alas! This proved harder than previously anticipated.

Muirhyse, he sat down in teh drivers seet. But he much confused was! There was no steering wheeel, no pedals, no speed o meter or rev o meter dials, NOTHING mes amis!!! Then, after much thought and reading the entire owners manual, Muirowse he noticed that all of this, it was on the right hand seet! THEN he rembered, this, this is where these things are stored in Australiaian cars!! Lucky Muirhyse such a great geynius is, or there no hope for him would have been!

Once Muirrhyse had this figured out, he could drive to his new apartment which JUST near teh Opera Hosue is.

Well, Muirrhyse he decideded to the Eastern Distributor road take. But alas!! The drivers here, they know not how to drive! Even on teh motor way he kept meeting lots of oncoming traffic -- they kept trying to drive on teh left hand side of teh road!!! Still, at least teh Sidneysiders much glad to meet Murrhose were -- they kept blowing their horns in greeting at him, as he down teh motor way crusied at a leisurely 180km/h. (Leisurely,, except for Muuirese having to dodge all teh oncoming traffic -- drive on the right, peoples!).

Well, he in his new apratment now is, and it much beautiful is mes amis!! He wery pleased with it is. Tomororw he picks up his Jaguar XKR, and meets this lawyer to sign the documents that will get Muirrhyse his inheritance and saveinate him!!

Woe is Meuwrose!

Muirrhyse, he is not certain what to do! The catatsorophy most catistrofieck that Muiirhyse has it, it is catatatstroetirophic! Even for such a great geynisu as Muirrhuse, he not certain what to do is!

Mes amis, he is not certain which of his hosues in Europe to sellinate. Maybe he should his new castel in Italy keep, at least from this he can some muney make by selling teh wine and teh olives that he will at this new hosue grow. But what of his apartment most beautiful in Paris? Or his chateau in teh south of France! Oh mes amis, it really is too much for Murrrowse to bear!!

Also, he will have to his new Lamborghini most beleoved trade in for
another Lada. And all his other cars, he will them have to sellinate too!

Also, who will pay for his new book to be published? It is not cheap, mes amis! Le publisher de Maurice, M. Garamond, is wery suportive of teh great geynisu that is Muirrowse, but even so he must Muaerowse much muney charge to his books publish -- that is publishing, mes amis, that is publishing.

Eh bien, do not worrry my raeders. Muirrhowse will of something thinkk -- do not worry yourselfs! It may be a hard challenge, but MUIEAEROWYESE is a great GEYNIUS. ANd a GREAT GEYNIUS as that CAN DO ANYTHING!!

When in ROme,... Buy an Apartment in Sydney!!!

Whilst Muirrrrrrrrrrrhyyyyeeeese he has in Rome been, do not think he has forgot the other place he a gap in his porperty portfolio thought he had -- SYDNEY. Ah yes, mes amis, even from Rhome he has been able to negotiatiate the purchase of a sidney apartment most magnifique -- an apartment suitable for the great geynius that is Morose!.
Mes amis, feast your eyes on the new Sydnay apratment de Muriuse:

http://www.realestate.com.au/cgi-bin/rsearch?a=o&id=105504041&f=0&p=10&t=res&ty=&fmt=&header=&cc=&c=73412457&s=nsw&snf=rbs&tm=1237170825

 

 

 

Floor plan (would be burglers, please dont look!!!!) 

(Images reproduced from realestate.com.au)

This just about perfect for Muirrhyse is. ALso, he notes it secure parking for two cars has. Although Maeroswe two cars in Australia already has, they not good enough for his new Sidnoy home are. They are 4WHEEL DROVE cars, and perfect for life in teh provinces (Paris, NSW, Australia) but not for teh sofisticated life of Sidnay. Muirose, he sure is that NOBODY, but NOBODY drives four wheel droven cars in Sidniy.

So Muiirhyse also has ordered himself:

• a Jaguar XKR 2 door 2 seater sports car
• a Maserati Quattroporte Sport GTS wiht Paddle Shif Gear Box 4 door 4 seater luxury car

 

LSDSL/Wikipedia

Dan Smith/Wikipedia

(Except OBVIOUSLY in Sadnuy teh car it will right hand dirve be...)

He much excited is, and will them test out next time in Sudnoy is!!

Arrived in Rhome, Later than Planned

Muiirhyse, he arrived in Rhome has albeit later than planned he had to. According to his GPS, this, this is the route taken by Muirhese:


View Larger Map

Stupid GPS. Muioriuse, he is a greater geynius.

Still, Muiirrhyse he enjoyed visiting Gdańsk. And Oslo. And Gdańsk.

Lunch

In Wien for lunch!! Be in Rhôme soon... I wait cannot, mes amis, wait cannot!!!

For lunch, Muirruse he is enjoying Wiener schnitzel and Sachertorte with LOTS of coffee mes amis - LOTS of coffee.

Ah, here comes Merwrose his next cofee...

Breakfast on teh run....

Wow! Muirrhise he is now able to experience teh glory that is Rhôme -- and just in time for breakfast, mes amis! So many beautiful and hysteric buildings! So many cafe-lined squares so elegant!! It is in such as squire that muirrrhuse he is now sitting, enjoying a breakfast most leaisurely.

Hold on mes amis!! This sign, it says that Muirrhyowse he in Gdańsk is, not Rhôme. So that, it explains why everyone Polish is speaking, not Italian! Dobrze, że wyjaśnia wszystko!

Well, moi znajomi, Muirrhyse must now finish his espresso and into his Lamborghini get, and see if to Rhôme by lunch time he can it make... Życz mu szczęścia, moim przyjaciołom i lojalni czytelnicy! Σύντομα θα πρέπει να είναι στη Ρώμη...

Driving break

Muirrhose he has for a coffee stopped somewhere near - er, what does that sign it say - near Lisboa. He still on his way to Rhôme is, and is much looking forward to there getting. He will be meeting with his publisher M. Garamond also whilst in Rhome, luckily he also is visiting that city now.

M. Garamond was Muiirrhese asking how he could these many hosues afford to buyinate!! Simple, mon ami, wery simple. Firstly, he has many kredit kards which he from M. le Captain Jerrold von Obiwankanobe got when the Kaptains bag Muirrhuse he borrowed. He will also be able to use the Captains documents to get a loan -- he is certain that the Kaptain he will not mind for such a geynius as Miurrhose to this do. After all, he has only complained once -- and that was just to chocolate cake offer.

ALso, he has his share of the US$35million he helped the fiendly M. J. Oke move out of Benin on behalf of le African Non-Monetary Articulate Albatross Bank (ANMAAB). That was quite a bit, mes amis, quite a bit!!!

Ah, le temps! Le temps!! Muirrhyse must his espresso finish, and in his Lamborghini get, and continue dirving south. At 200mph, it should not long take!!!!!!!!

Dirving to Rhôme

Mes amis, Merece is JUST about to get into his V12 Lamborghini Murciélago, and to Roam drivinate... When there, he will many hosues and aparments viewinate, and buy one .... or MAYBE two

WISH HIM LUCK, MES AMIS!!!!

What Muirhyse is missing still.....

Well, mes amis, Muirrrhyse was sitting at his kitchen table in his hosue in Armidale, France and he was starting to be thinking about all the houses he owns (his "Property potfolio" as Ratatoskr it calls).

He has

in France -

• A château near Arles in teh South of France
• A château near Armidale in teh North of France
• An appartment on Rue Mouffetarde in Parys

In his homeland, Austaliaia:

• A modest hosue in his dear little town of Paris, New South Wales
• Err... Thats about it. Maybe he should a hosue in Sydney also buy???

Ah! But raeding trhough this list, MUIRHHYSEE has noticed an OVERSITE for a GEYNIUS of HIS LEVEL!!!! He, he does not an apartment in Rome have! This, it must be fixed imeadiatley! So naturally Muirrowse to Google races.

This appartment would be PERFECT for Muirrhyse, and costs only €6,500,000. It three bedream is, and is in Centro Storico, Rome.
http://www.propertyinrome.com/propertyview.asp?prop=73

(Photos reproduced from propertyinrome.com)

Also, this it for Mioiuruse teh geynius would be prefect: a Campo di Fiori penthouse!! It only €3,200,000! And it has a patio graden! PERFECT for inviting his bon amai Aglie around!
http://www.accomodationsrome.com/apartment_detail.asp?ID=2944

(Photos reproduced from accomodationsrome.com)

OR this villa most charming, in teh Castelli Romani region - whit vine yar d and OLIVE trees, mes amis. Yes, it is correct!! IF Muiirowse he this got, soon you could be dirnking Chateau Muirowse -- ah what new tihngs such a great genyus could to whine production bring!!!!
http://www.propertyinrome.com/propertyview.asp?prop=59

 

 

(Photos reproduced from propertyinrome.com)

Hmmm.... Maybe he is liking teh idea of a villa in teh countryside wery much. Or MAYBE he a town apartment needs, AND a country villlalala -- with VIENYARD and OLIVE TWEE GROVE....

Also, now he in ITALY will be living, he needs some cars ITALIAN to his collection to add, so Muirhse when he in rome is he will Italianan cars to drivinate will have. So, this mroning he has bought himself

• a Lamborghini Murcielago LP 670-4 SuperVeloce 2 seat manual V12
• an Alfa Romeo GT 3.2 V6
• a Ferrari FXX

Teh LAMBORGHINIININI:

 

 

Well, Muirhyse will more about his new houses(eses) in ROME -- and his new cars itallian -- tell you much more soon. Stay tuned, mes amis, stay tunred!!!!!

Oh noes!!!1!

Oh no!!!!1! Mes amis, Maerowse he was in the garden this mroning walkin,g when he a sight most horrible met his eyes:



That is right, mes amis! It is that chameleon again! Mawreese, he thought he had this reptile most fiendish shaken off! But alas, it was not to be. It must be stalking Mowrose, mes amis. He does not know how to get away from it!

Oh what to do, my friends, Marwose for once does not know what to do!

A walk through teh gardens

Mes amis, Mawrose he is still enjoying in his new house being, He has just a walk through the gardens most extenisve and most beautiful been for. He some photographs of that jardin most beautiful thought that his readers most devoted might like to see. Eh bien, mon ami, they are here:

Found a HOUSE mes amis!!!1!

Mes amis, Mawrose has the house most beautiful found. Mes amis, it is Maerowses dream most wonderful come true! Maurise, he has a chateau near Arles in le South de France just bought! Mes amis, you would not believe how bauetiful it is just already! Mes amis, it everthign has!

It is a small mediaeval chateau, with towers and everythhing that Maerose he could possibly want. Mes amis, it is of the most buaetiful stone built, and it it is in the position most beautiful. Also, it gardens most beautiful has. Maerowse he will in them be able to walk whilst he is his next best selling book writing! He has a good fieling about it already!!

There was just the small matter of money, but such a great geynisu as Mearose does not with such trivial details concern himself. Eh bien, he just one of the Capitans credit cards handed over, and this it seemed to be acceptable.

Maurhese knows that his audiense most adoring would not let him go without posting some photos. Here they are. Enjoy, mes amis!

Rolls Royce Phantom VS. Lada 1500

Mes amis, this Rolls Roise voiture neuve is much much better than the Lada that Mauresee he used to drive. It is a blessing that he the car keys for the Lada lost and had to a new car buy! In any case, Merose he a new car deserved. And it was just lucky that he a credit card had so that he could for it pay.

In any case, Mes Amis, Mawrose he now in the SOufht of France is. He will let you Know how he with house hunting gets on. Wish him luck!!!!

Nice Rolls Royce goes to Nice, Mes amis!

Mawruse cannot it believe! He could not his car keys find yesterday! He was up till all hours of the night for them searching. And yet, he found them not. Mes amis, You could not imagin how upset Merrhyse he was. He was meant to yesterday to the South of France go to start house hunting.

Then, Mawriçe he rememebered that he still has the credit cards from the captans bag that he took off of the capitian of the S.S. Cado. So, this morning Mærose he took himslef to the local car dæler and bought himslef a Rolls Royce Phantom Using the capitans credit card. What a kind man this capitan is! This card, it will also come in handy when Maeroße he buys himslef that house in the Sout h of France he wants.

Eh bien. Maerohyse he must go now, he needs to the South of France to drive. He cannot wait to his new Rollys Roice test out! It's five hundred and seventy nine miles to Nice, Maerose has a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and Merhyse is wearing sunglasses. Hit it, mes amis!

Crash landed!

Mawrise, he did it! He finally manaaged to control the escape pod, and pilot it back to earth! With no damage to Maerise or anything else important (he did slightly flatten a mountain range just next to Bogotá). AS you may guess, Merose he was aiming for Paris but got Bogotá instead. Near enogh, mes amis, near enough. Right planet ,anway. And for MAWRISE, that, it is better than nothing. Much better than northing.

In any case, Mweryse he is pleased to be back on palnet earth once again. He landeded last night, and is wery glad to have done so. He is staying in a hotel in the center of the city, and is even noew trying to book his plane tickets (or tockets? Mawruse he can never rememememeber) back to Paris again.

When he to Paris gets back once again he will start in earnerst for a house in the south of fRance looking mes amis. He will be wisiting their real soon now to have a look round. Wish him luck mes amis!!!

~~ MERRUSE, bloggging LIVE from his HOTEL ROOM in BOGOTÁ, COLOMBIA!!!

Still House Hunting

Meriçse, he has the entire day spent talking on his satelite phone, talking to real estate agents in the south of france. It is hapening, mes amis, it is happengin! Finally, Mawriße he will his dream haus in the south of fRance get. If only he can from the Nroth of Norway escaep!

Merrhise he hope satelite telephone calls do not cost much, he has made so many. HE made many calls both in Nroway and in the Dessert Island on which he, the geynius, was trapped. Maybe sateelite phone calls, they are free.

Oh well, in any case Mawruse he will soon from hsi Arctic Hideawya be rescued wery soon mes amis!