Merrhyse at le Arc de Triomphe

Merrhyse spent one of his first evenings in his home city most beuatiful at that grand monumentt to France and Pariss, the Arc de Triomphe.

Mes amis, it was an winter evening most cold, and Moriçe had to be rugged up warm against the cold. Yet seeing le Tour Eiffel light up on the city distant, it gave Merise such a good feeling of safey and contenment. Yes, mon ami, I to myself thought, Merhy∫e is home once again ! And this time, no Elast Ickband Air and no explodinating crashinating hairyplanes will keep Meryße from his beloved Paryse again!

No, mes amsis, next time Moruse will fly Atterrissage Forcé, the world's numéro 899 airline! Also, he will fly first class. Also, I am sure that First class Passengers would a better class of desert island receive.




Le Tour Eiffel at night from the Arc de Triomphe, a film by Mawrise de Perfoßor.

Frenquenly unasked questions

F.unA.Q. no 3489312

From: "Níðhöggr" [nithhoggr@dragonclaw.yggsdrasil-online.org]
To: Ratatoskr.Squirrel
Subject: Paris

Has Maurice ever really visited Paris?

Good question for Ratatoskr. I'm perfect squirrel to answer this. Easy -- its as likely as I've ever visted Ásgard. That answers it for once and for all doesn't it?

Hey! whos that asking then how come Maurice knows so much about Paris if he's never been there? Easy. Never said he'd not been to Paris. Matter of fact, I've visited Ásgard. Why'd you think I hadn't. I am Ratatoskr, no ordinary squirrel.

Ásgard's a nice enough place, but the cafes are overrated and the gift shop is frankly just overpriced.

Oh yes, and Víðópnir says to say your flames are luke warm and you can't fly as well as him. After all you're at Yggsdrasils roots whilst he soars high above you at its very top. You want me to pass on another message back to him for you? Eagles, huh.

Your squirrelly squirrel,
Ratatoskr.

Phoning Merise's editor

Merese rang his editor on the satellite phone today. I do not always with my editor get on well, so it was not as pleasant as one may expect of such a phone conversation.

After all, one would expect a lowly editor would of course be honoured to work for such a great genius as M. Muryce de Perfossor! Alas, it is not the case, mon ami. My editor, he is much annoyed with Merisse. Morase wonders if this is because he at him a chair threw last time we met. No, Merryse is convinced it is not this minor incident. Morrrise is the definition of composure at all times, and they were eventually able to rebuild their garden pagoda.

No, mes amis, it is simply that a person as mediocre can not with such a great mind, with such a genius as is Mariçe cope. No, it is beyond him and he is envious of my intellect and my fans most devoted. Maybe he is just of my red beret most wondeful envious.

Eh bien, when Meryße is off this island he will another publisher find. One who his great genius can appreciate. It will be them, not V. A. Nity Press that will publish Meryse's new messterpeice, the novel The Mouthwash of the Gods!

Code division multiple access

Mes amis, Mawresse has noticed that one of the captains mobile phones is CDMA. So he can confirm that he cannot even get a signal CDMA here on this desert island.

Merrose, his iPhone arrived today via courier. He was much excited to have un nouveau téléphone mobile. He has activated it using his computer, but I am not able to much else do with it. Merrase is on an uninhabited desert island in the middle of the pacific, all alone. There are no GSM mobile phone networks here, mon ami. Still, he can his calendar work out! Here is an extract:

Friday 7th December: Wait for rescue.
Saturday 8th December: Wait for rescue.
Sunday 9th December: Day off. Read book. Talk to palm trees.
Monday 10th December: Wait for rescue.
Tuesday 11th December: Wait for rescue.
Wednesday 12th December: Wait for rescue.

Mes amis, I think you the picture get! Still, at least I this satellite téléphone have.

Rue Mouffetard

From: Jacques [jacques@mouffetard-1.fr]
To: Maurice de Perfossor
RE: Rue Mouffetard

Please tell us about your wonderful apartment on Rue Mouffetard?

Jacques

Well, my devoted readers, you have spoken and I, Morreyse, have listened! Eh bien, my appartment most beautiful is what you will hear about.

It is too, too long since I have been in my beautiful Rue Mouffetard apartment. Still, I miss the markets most beautiful, and the cofee shops where I would talk to my devoted audiences. Mowrrise would sit and talk to a devoted audience until they all suddenly had to go, and the coffee shop it became very empty. This often happened quite quickly, but Morese knows they did not want to go. They were enjoying listening to me speak.

And Moryçe's apartment was the epitome of understated French elegance! The simplicity yet beauty of it astounded people much!

Here, mes amis, is Morrhyse's bedroom:


Here is is simple but functional living room and study:


My favourite memory still is walking down Rue Moufffetard one winter's evening, with the lights most bright shining and the cold and the darkness all around Morrhyse, knowing that he his apartment most beautiful had to go back to. It is at such time that Parris is at its most beautiful, at night in the lights of the street.

Mowreyce misses it still!

Adrift

Mes amis, I am once again alone on a desert island.

But let me relate the sad story of Morrhyse's woes once again. Marriçe was onboard the S.S. Cado, and all seemed to be going well for his rescue. But, mon ami, things seemed to go down hill for Morrace after he stole the captains bag. After that, the captain he seemed restless and much agitated. It was one dinner time when I was with the captain enjoying a witty and intelligent conversation. The capitan made a pained expression, and said "I cannot take this idiocy any longer. You know what to do."

At this, as if at some secret signal, some of the crew grabbed hold of me, and dragged me to the deck. They threw Morrhesse into the sea, and another sailor threw my bag after Mawrese. Well, mes amis, Mawrise he was distraught and did not know what to do. Clearly there had been some mistake! After all, the cpatain he had much been enjoying Mowrice's delightful conversation.

In any case, Morrhyse soon found himself on another dessert island. I still had the captains bag, but threw away everything other than the satellite telephone, the computer, the gun, the rum, the money and the hot watter botttle. So Mawrhyse can use one of the two satellite telephones he now has to connect to the internet. But how to get power!

Mawrrhese went for a walk around the island. There was plenty of food and some fresh water, luckily. Also, Morrhyse found a small ship beached on the other side of the island. This piece of luck, it was incredible! The ship was still perfectly intact and ocean-worthy. So Morryse, he was able to strip the ship to make a shelter to live in and an improvised generator for electricity. Such a task would be hard for anyone who is not a genius as Mawrrrhyse is! But I, Morrhese, am a genius and for me such a task is easily possible. After several hours tinkering with engine parts, I had a servicible generator which would run on the ships fuel or when this runs out on coconut milk. The wood Morrhyse stripped off and used to make a hut most beautiful.

Well, mes amis, once again I am stranded. If only Morrise could find a small plane or helicopter, then he could escape from this infernal island! It is an intollerable trial to be stuck away here, far away from civilisation. Also, internet access over satellite telephone is very slow.

Normality - life on the S.S. Cado

Mes amis, the confusion is starting to die down. The captain, he is thinking that maybe his bag fell overboard. Morrhyse has hidden it in his own bag. There is nothing of interest to Mawryße in it, but it is not possible to return it. Maryse does enjoy having real coffee for a change, though.

Life onboard the ship is pretty standard, mundane, and follows a predictable routine. As I am not a crew member, I just watch the crew members doing all the work. Sometimes when I think the genius of Mawryse might provide a better way of doing something I of course try to suggest this to the sailors. Sadly, they do not recognise the genius of Mawrhyçe and are often most agitated when I try to suggest better ways to do things to them.

This morning, a helicopter landed on the deck and some men armed with machine guns burst out. There was a brief shoot out, but they were forced to retreat by the crew. The cpatain fired a rocket after them as they flew away but he missed. After that, we had lunch. It was an insipid roast. As I said, nothing but dull routine! Nothing to stimulate the mind of the geynius that is Morrhyse.

The Captains bag

Mes amis, Mowrrhyçe snuck into the bridge at night and stole the captian's Prada bag. Alas, there was no coffee or espresso machine in it though it was most heavy.

Here is what it contained

• Another satelite telephone


• A GPS unit


• A hand gun


• Several kilograms of useless talcum powder


• A laptop computer


• Several GSM mobile phones


• Several books, including The MI5 Handbook: CLASSIFIED Section 272/3a, The CIA Operative's Covert Ops Guide and So You've Decided to Be a Double Agent for the KGB.


• About thirty clear glass-like stones, nicely cut


• A hot water bottle


• Three bottles of rum, one of whisky


• US$100,000 in cash, plus miscellaneous credit cards under various names


• Five passports, all from different countries and under different names. Strange, the photo is all of the capitan

Friends, Morrhyse took this back to his room but was much disappointed when he found nothing of interest in it. So I returned to the bridge, and continued to search. After a few minutes, Morrhyse found an esperesso machine and some coffee hidden away. Victory at last!

Since the bridge is not often unattended, Morrhyse had to make quick his getaway, before he was noticed.

Mawrise's voice over IP

Mes amis, do not think that in being lost on a desertted island, Mhyrryse has forgotten his students back at the université. No, mes amis, Mhyrece remembers them still! Until today the university had needed to employ a stand-in lecturer, but no one can stand in for the genius of Maerrice! 

However, today I found that by the magic of modern technology, I can still give my lectures! Yes, my friends, even though I am cast away on a desert island, because I can get internet access, I can do anything!

Today, I figured out how to use the wonderful software Skype to make a video call. With a scype wideo call, Mawrhhece can gives his lectures from afar! My students were so pleased to bask yet again in my wisdom, that they cried from joy.

From my island, I can give my lectures, read papers, and work on my new book about the Tesconians and the Colesmyerians, both breakaway 31st century religious sects. I refuse to mention the Walmartians, they were too horrible for words.

So, Maurrhyse continues with his great work, although without much of the daily grind of teaching, and with little contact to students or faculty


hmm maybe this desert island, it is not so bad after all...

Il n’y a rien à manger

Well, mes amis, I am already suffering on this infernal island! Marrhyße is out of caviar and smoked salmon. And the champagne is running dangerosly low, tooo. I know not what to do! Despair...  

In any case, Maurricessse will be making confit de canard over a camp fire tonight, mes amis.

Archaeology of France in the Polystyrene Age

Well, mon amis, it's a few months into a new year at Université du Délire Iguane. Yet again I am teeching my unit ARCH371 "Archaeology of France in the Polystyrene Age (c. 5000BC-2900AD)".

This is my favourite unit ever, dripping with the pure geynius of Morrice! And yet, it seems that the dullard students reconise it not! Nearly none of them bother to turn up to Mawryse's lectures most splendide, and the few that do just sit around and point and luagh. I cannot understant this. Ah well, they will be fighting, yes, fighting to get into Maüriße's classes when my next book is published. Then Maoriçe will have his revenge.

And speaking of revenge, I must make certain to get it right this time. Mowryse will not repeat the mistakes of last time, no sir! It was just by luck that I, Marise, got out of that one alive. I was protected only by my white lead makeup, which shielded me from the radiation.