Sunday 26 September 2021

In which a further mysterious message is received by your courageous correspondent, but he cannot be bothered to reply

Received Sat 25 Sept at 1:02 AM GMT+2:

 I guess that, in the distance future, phone numbers are hexadecimal. Or not, who knows with Maurice?

Wednesday 22 September 2021

In which a mysterious message is received by your courageous correspondent, Mycroft (me)

 Text message communication received from Maurice de Perfossor, 2nd September 2019 at 03:19AM:

It was not until late February 2020 that I understood exactly what this message pertained to.

I have not heard from Maurice since then.

I have no doubt we will hear from Mr. de Perfossor, the so-called 'genyius', in 2022.

In the meantime, I have decided to co-opt his blog, for non-classified communications. That is all.

Tuesday 8 May 2018


MON AMIGOS ……………. Muerise is still alive & Well evwvne though he a shrort Break from blogginating took. He did wonder if he should post a picture wiht a current newspraprer to prowinate that he stil alivwe is but tehn he forgot & didn":t,. Eh bien……

ANYWAY TAHT NOT TEH POINT IS. Teh point is taht Meriiise is now in Buenos Aires -- or as he, internet GEYNIUS, calls it, #BuenosAires. He was in Armidale NSW Australie where he a wery inowative wine estate owniniates but he had a minor disagreeement wiht teh manerger tehre, whitch led to a minor argument, & Meeiwrise stormed off. Muerise managed to keep his cool & didntt shuot or throw stuff abuot two mutch, & teh porperty damage is praps ltd to US$54,000 withc is hardly anything. Merrrriçes brilliant idea was to harwest ALL teh grapes on teh same day & fermentinate tehm all in teh same vat, tehn extract tehm out & bottel tehm all seprately aftrewards,. SIMPLES. GEYNIUS. Yet teh (Stupid NONGEYNIUS) manger liekd it NOT! In teh end morose consieded this agrument& flew to #BuenosAires insted. 

Now Mearíse cuold have done teh expectinated tihng& flown to his estate in Argentina & tried out taht plan here ……. but he did NOT , as he a geynius is & isnt to be bothering himslef with doing expectable, sensibible tihngs. NO, he flew his newly apointed A-380-CUSTOM (wiht onbored bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchens, bangq1uette halls, whine cellars, & evwen a garage so he a car can iwhtht him takeinate) DIWECTLY  tO #BueonsAires (leveing Armidale Mar-9-2018 & ariwinating in #buenosaires 29th-March-2018,a short direwct 20 day flight via Iceland, China, & NewZeeland) & has spent teh past few weeks writinating & inwestigating fiendish sekrit templar plots taht are currantly two sekrit two post abuot here..... FOR NOW. BUT WATCH TIHS SPACE MON AMIGO.  Yes tahts rite, Mesrihse in fact means this spesfic space rite here --->   <---- wathc it vigilently without sleeping/blinking./etc for teh next few weeks, .

ANYWAY TAHT NOT TEH POINT IS., The point is (1) MErise is a grate geynius; (2) Miaeerise is curwrently in Buenos Aires , (3) Moarihse is curwently inwestigatinating sekrit Templar conspireacies ;., (5) Mwrise is a geynius, (344.4) He has a new hairyplane ; (7) he forgotted waht item seven was going to be, (6.3111132) & taht not teh point is ; *(9)  ?????l; (10.2) More blog posts soon, including a rewelation abuot teh sekrit TEMPLAR plots.

Also Merrrise is NOT lieking Migrosoft EDGE so-called wobbrowser, particularly teh way it keeps attemptinating to CORRECT Mwerìses GEYNIUS spelling .,e.g., substitutinating "THE" (obwiously worng!) for Mòróses OBWIOUSLY CORECT 'TEH',.

Thursday 1 June 2017

diner wiht teh Templars!

MES AMIGOS.... Muaröise ahs news to reportinate!!1!?!@#! Adn what news it is mes amigos ... Muarise had teh Templars of Argentina™ around for dinner Twice this month (May) & it magnifique was for two (2) raisons:

  1. Teh Templars came back teh second thyme completely voluntarily, no compulsion or anything(!!#?!)
  2. Teh second diner Mj¤wriøse he created was teh bestest banquet taht Maeruise has ever put on, ever : truely he surpassed himslef! Evwen Morijse (who is wery, wery modest & self-effacing) ahd to admittinate taht it a TRIOMPHE of teh culinary arts was.
OH TAHT SECOND BANQUET. Muiríse wishes taht all his loyal wobleg-raeders could ahve been there wiht him & enjoyininating teh feast mangnifique *& basqueing in Mñerüse his reflected glory. Because quite a banquet it was! Merese whishes he could explain it properly but he lacks teh thyme & teh wocabularly so he will content himslef to say:
  • Teh banquet lasted forty-eight (48) huors! (2 days)
  • Tehre were seventy (70) courses, icludinginating truffled pigeon, wild boar, duck & goose, venison wiht juniper berries & dark chocolate sauce, grouse, oysters, lobsters, & chicken schnitzel. 
  • Murise served teh bestest wines he cuold including '47 Cheval blanc (of cuorse! Muerise still ahs two cases of tihs left) ; '45 DRC Romanèe-Conti (Meurises favrite; he has six cases left incl. three magnums); '37 Ch. d'Yquem (WOW Magnifique!) ; & of cuorse a bottel of taht old favrite standby '69 DRC Montrachet. Miró¤se can tell you taht teh Templars were Suitably Impressed. & rightly so. it impressive was.
Anyway , whilst it a MAGNIFIQUE SUCESS for Mérjhuïse, teh GRATEST GEYNIUS to EVER LIVE, EVER, (& yet so modest),  taht not teh point is. Eh bien, teh point is taht the Templars in Argentina much to Muerses surprise are actually Quite Nice People for members of an Ancient, Evil Sekret Society Dedicated To World Domination. (Not a good tihng mes amis: it wuold be teribible if teh Templars seized control of teh world; far better if Mowrise were in charge!(). Teh Templar Grand Master was wery freindly & got on with Merise wery well. Muariçe ahs inwited him to wisit Moieurise his country estancia & teh Templar Grand Master in return inwitefd Mwrwse around foor dinner. He pormised to leave lots of good Clues around Buenos Aires so Miwriwce can inwestigate tehm sucessfully wich is nice.

As Murise saided on Twitter Mycroft, teh non-genuis brother of M²er€se will be wisiting Argentina soon & Mowri³se is planninating an exciting wisit for him including a trip to Mero;ses estancia. Prehaps Mycroft can help Muriese inwestigatinate/fight/thwart teh Templars!!#$!!1! & tehn we can all ahve dinner togehther at a Chic Littel Restorant taht Muiuirse knows!!@3!!?@!!1!*#*&(@! It magnifique will be.

Saturday 13 May 2017

From Aregenetina

MON AMIGOS .... Mèrèhse is in Argentina in his Apratment in Buenos-Aires & he doing mutch sekret Templar inwestigations is ........ tihs is why he hasn"t been able to blogginate, honest mes amigos, not bcecuase he has teh entire thyme been drinking & eating & enjoyinating himslef!!1!! Well, he has that been doing, but he does not let it detract from or to get in teh way of his GRATE WORK.

Eh bien, finally Mqwrose can start to tell you about his work here!!1!!>@!?! The second day he was here, he was at his favuorite restraunt waiting for dinner -- he was just ahving a nice littel " aperitif " , just starting on to his third (3rd) bottel of '52 Krug wehn he saw teh TEMPLAR GRAND MASTRER   try to sneek past un-noticed. Past Miúrise! who infimously misses NOTHING (taht thyme he mised noticign a brass band, an elephant, six tanks, and a parade float shaeped liek a hotdog go past is IRELeVANT as it was obwiously a set-Up & Merííse was caughted unawars & it was completely unfare!), NOTHIHING MES AMIS.

SO Mŵrŵuse did teh templar notice , && he didnt waste any thyme in persuing tihs, oh no mes amigos .... he cut his meal down to a mere 5 courses (wiht a bottel of wine matching eatch course), followed by a cheese platter (wiht anohter bottle of whine), tehn coffee & sweets, tehn brandy & cigars. Mwuryse was in sutch a rush he didn"t ahve time to settel teh bill but he is shure taht teh manager will be understanding when MrRrse goes back & may even Offer M8r¶urse a dis-count!!!!!!!!!!1?!?!@34!!

Luckily teh Templar Grand Master was waiting around teh Corner from teh Restorant, & Moiirrise was abel to Pick Up Teh Trail,. Mjerise wobbled along after teh Templar (may be he shuoldnt ahve had nine bottels of whine + a bottel of Armagnac, but a GEYNIUS cannot DEPRIVE himslef!!/1!) and luckily up was able to Keep. Evwen wehn teh Templar ducked into a doorway and ran along a series of sekret (probly booby-traiped) tunnels Morpse kept Rite Behind Him.

IN TIHS WAY Muhrise was leded to a sekret metting room where a SEKRIT INER CABAL of TEMPLARS discussinated how to infiltrate teh Metwurst industry in New Suoth Wales (withc includes Merises home town!!!2.@!?!!), and a plan to replace teh U.S.A. PRESIDANT wiht an incompetent imposter! Tehse are plans withc Meer;ise will be fFrustrating tehm in (& NO mon amis he does NOT need teh help of his EX-associate & So-Called " Freind " Agli`e@@!! Tihs is a porblem that Moríise can & will sort out himslef!!?@###!)

OBWUOUSLY since tehn Merise has infiltratinated many sutch meetings & learnt of many diabiolical plans ....... he vaguely rembers he had to inwestigate in a bunch of other cities too but now cant rember & honestly aftrer teh second bottel of Armagnac he realises it porbably isn"t improtant.

EH BIEN taht is all for now. More soon as Merewse (& Muerise ALONE) will inwestigatinate &* here you keep infromed.

Thursday 6 April 2017

Brithday (1st Avrile) post

Mon amigos it Mèré"s brithday on teh 1st Avril was & he for it didnt raelly much do just went out for a coffeee.


Of corse Móróswe had a fantastic britdhay praty at his hosue in Armidale, NSW, Australie, wiht all teh friends taht he is currently speaking to (IE, not Agliè!!!?@!!1!!!!!#$*!). Merise ahd been planinating to have his praty in Paris Frnance but actualy he tehn changed his mind at teh last minute. He caught up in wineyard work in his wineyard here in Armidale NSW Australie had become so didn"t ahve time to flyinate back to Paris. Eh bien, he a much well stocked cellar in Armidale has so it no hardship was. He inwited his non-geynius brother Mycroft, his old enemy Lady Shelom, & his ex-PA Ratatoskr. He spended DAYS working on teh prefect menu.! Withch he will postinate here!!! At teh end of tihs post.

Eh bien, it a good praty was & went on for a couple of dayze with lots of whine & food & had ovwer 150 courses of withc he only posts a sample as an extract here at teh end. But it mutch good was.

Moruse didnt ahve as much luck in teh wineyard. He had decided to change teh grapes he grew from teh rubish PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY taht he currentyly grows tehre is. He decided to graft owver to teh mutch more prestigious Cabernet Dorsa & indeed went along to his wineyard one day & started on it as soon as he had decided witch wines to grow . Tihs ahppeninated to be at 1 am on a Tuesday mroning but such details are IRRELIVANT to a geynius such as Moóròose dont forget. Anyway teh wineyard manager found Merose cutting grapewines down & grafitng tehm ovwer to Cabernet Dorsa at 6:30 am & ewentually Managed to argue to Merise taht PINTOT NOIR & CHARDONNEIGH were a better bet & ewentually even Moirise ahd to concede taht teh stupid plodding idiotic nongeynius wineyard manager mite ahve a point ... as PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY are teh grapes of Burgundy a fact Merise had temprarily forgonated. Mzwrzese ahd only grafted over two rows of wines witch he left teh manager to graft back again to PINTOT NOIR, before going to PLAN HIS BRITHDAY DINNER!

Eh bien. It owver now is.Merise ahs pormised a lift back to Bordeaux to Mycroft .... teh plane is loaded ... Merise is in teh pilots seat & teh plane is feuled & ready to go & at teh end of teh runway & AIR-TRIFFIC CONROL & MYCROFT are now HASTLING Meoórse to take off cause he"s ALLEGEDLY holding up teh rest of teh hairyport ( he has TRIED explaning to tehm taht he is riting a wobleg post , & his audience canot waite , but tehy won"t listen!!@1!!#*! ) so Merise must stop NOW, full throttel, full lift, & TAKE OFF ......................................

EXTRACT from teh menu.
Omlette aux truffes
Srerved wiht: 1949 Krug Priwate Cuwée (1949 was a good wintage!)

Plat princiapuaxs
Bouillabaise (merises speciality)
Swerved wiht: 1985 DRC Montrachet 1989 Zind-Humbrecht Riesling Rangen de Thann Clos St. Urbain (OKay tihs was a new one fror Mwzerise ... he doesn"t often drink ALSACE but it wery nice was ... a gift from MYCROFT who is ok somethymes)


Eight young partidges, truffled & cased in bacon fat, cooked in cognac

Cheese plate with 64 distinct thypes of cheese from France, Germnay, Spain, USA, Australie, UK, Portugal, &  other plaices.
Chacuterie selectuioin.

Pudding aux MUres / Mu,llbery pudding
Poires Savoie
Fromage a la Creme
Srerved wiht: 1811 Chateau d'Yquem1989 Zind-Humbrecht Gewurztraminer Rangen de Thann Clos St. Urbain Sélection de Grains Nobles (OK I amdmit another gift from Mycroft who is somethyms weyry genrous)

Cognac, Armagnac, Coffes.