Canadda - Muarise is claered for takeoff!

MES AMIS ..... Mierise may have slightly crashinated his hairyplane in Flin Flon SK Canananadadada . It an easy mistake to maek was, one taht could ahve happened to any geynius who was flyinating in a Cessna CitationJet C4 from Paris France to Armidale Australie.

LUCKILY tahnks to Meeros'es geunius level skills as a pillot , it miore of an emergency laending was taht a full-on hairyplane crash with debris all over teh runway & flames & explosions & waht not,. There was only a few small fires in teh cockpit witch Muarose putted out with a fier-extinguisher. He also picked up teh debris from teh runway, as he thought he might need to sellytape it back on to teh hairyplane again.

It has taken Mo3rose over a week to figure out teh cause of this forced landing most mysterouius. He even rang CESNA, & tehy teh TEMERITY to suggestinate it a pillot error -- runing out of avgas perhaps due to an overloaded hairyplane -- was !! Teh nerve of it, wehn Moiruse is an internationaly renowned geynius!

NO, Merrise would NOT let teh matter stand liek tihs. He spent teh past fortnight workinating on his hairyplane, testing it for fualts, examinating every inch, replaecing any componenents he found to be fualty. He estimates taht he has replacinated EVERY COMPONENT IN TEH ENTIER HAIRYPLANE AT LEAST TWICE over teh past week or so. Except teh pilot's cup holder, he was 89.88812% certain taht it was not teh cuase of teh fault.

After WEEKS of tihs patient inwestigating, Merrise determined taht teh hairyplane had run out of fuel. Moeraes had loaded teh plane wiht things for his hosue in Australie, including a 20 ft high marbel statue of Merriçe, $120,000 worht of assorted CHIPINDALE fruniture he boughted at auction, a solid silvwer WINE COOLER, assorted medieval Manuscripts (MOSTLY TEMPLAR), a 16th centrury four=poster bed, five grandfahther clocks, a gazebo for teh garden (in peices, to assemble over tehre) and 8,399 bottels of whine.It turned out taht this was too mutch for teh hairyplane to go so far wiht, & it ran out of fuel. WHO KNEW TIHS COULD AHPPEN? WHY WANS:T MERRICE INFROMED>?????!2!@#???

EH BIEN, teh problem is now solvinated, & Moarise has loaded teh hairyplane back up & will to Australie continue  .... BUT .... tihs thyme .... wiht more frequent refooling stops!

Merise his EPIQUE TAXICAB JOURNEY

Mes amis ... Mawrise is excitinated to once more be back in Nouveau Yorke after an epic taxi ride ... and in thyme for his favorite winter cellybration, Ēostremass!!!?!1!

Mes amsis ... befour Moarise gets to talk abuot New Yokr, he will 1st about his EPIQUE TAXI DRIVE you tell. He has  abouit it a BIT tweetinated, but he needs more to say. Eh bien. Mierose ended up in San Fran Cis Co instaed of New York due to a storm taht closed some hairports.

He a good thyme there had as he got to wisit Sonoma & Napa walleys & many whineries there wisitinate including wwelll known cult superpremium whinery OPUS SCREAMING HARLAN CELLARS . Witch mutch good was. Morose MENT to write a wobleg post but alas he to busy enjoying himslef was. Teh one BAD moment was when he wisited well known famuos restorant The French Laundry. He thought he wuold kill two (2) burds wiht one stone & take his dirty clothes along for washing but alas it turns out taht despite teh name they are n't actualy a laundry. Merose accusinates tehm of false adwertising,.

Eh bien. That not teh point of this particylar post is. Teh point is taht when it became O K to go back to NYC Moarose decided to go via taxi. as it a WERY NYC WAY TO TRAVEL is. Unfrotunately, Mjúerise managed to chose teh worng taxicabdriver.

WHY?

This taxicabdriver was a cultist of Cthulhu. Of all teh taxicabdrivers Míreße managed to select one who is a member of a secret evil cult! Incredible but true! Tihs a few inconweneinces caused since apparently teh following things offend Lord Cthulhu:

• Interstate highways, and highways in general
• Maps
• GPS SatNavs(TM)
• Compasses
• Road signes.

in fact , anyhting wich might give people directions & teh ability to get away quickly shuold M. Lord Cthulhu suddenly re-appear on teh coast offends him. But appraraently Thursdays are sacred to him.

SO it took many days of aimless driving to ewentuallyy end up in NYC, along teh way we through passed:

• 21st Novembre: Depart from San Fran Cis Co, California.
• 28th Novembre: New Mexico
• 2nd Decembre: Wyoming (tihs is wehn Merose realsed taht the taxicabdriver might be lost ...)
• 6th Decembre: Kentucky  ( but no thyme to stop for taht rare local delicacy of fried chicken ...)
• 6th Decembre: Tenesse (Merose was worried we in teh worng direction were going!)
• 9th Decembre: Alabama  (tihs definately not on teh way to NYC was!!!?!)
• 11th Decembre: Arkansas (here Mieroses phone battery died & he a draft wobleg post lost & he cuold no longer keep tweeting -- A CATASTROPHEY!)
• 13th Decembre: Iowa (MUCTH LOSTNESS()
• 14th Decembre: Wisconsin
• 15th Decembre: Ontario (Merise is shure taht Canada was not on teh way to NYC)
• 17th Decembre: Quebec (Merose managed to conwince teh taxicabdriver to start driving south when he got to teh sea )
• 18th Decembre: Massachusetts
• 19th Decembre: Nouveau York City .... FINALLY!!!?1?!!!???!*&!?@#!!!

Along teh way Merose wisited many small towns as he trawesersed all teh byways of small town Amrica, and staid in all teh local motels, ate at all teh local restorants, and drank all teh local wine (ALL OF IT, sorry none left for any body else!!?!). It mutch interwesting was, & he shuold a booke of his experiences writinate,. One day. When Agley is around to help him. NOT TAHT HE NEEDS AGLEÍ'S HELP,.

Merise is conwinced that teh mayor of NYC, his good freind M. Mayor Bllomberg, had a tickertape parade planninated to celebrated Moerise ariving back in NYC but alas since Mwerise arrived wiht little warning he cuold not it arrange . Merise tried phoninating him but alas he cuold not to him get through,. He could not conwince teh secretary taht he a personal freind of M. Mayor was. Stupid nongeynius secretary,,.

EH BIEN. That not teh point is ..............,... teh point is taht Morise is looking forward to Ēostremass in NYC ,. HE HOPES IT WILL SNOWINATE./ Taht wuold make it wery Ēostremassy. In teh mean time, HAPPY CHRISTMAS  as we say in France (Bon noël in english).

Flying Atterrissage Forcé

Well, this flight so far it much good has been & wery uneventful which good is.

Unfortunately the crew they have teh inflight film to stop had to just now (teh Film it is Teh Bakers' Wife which they a new release claim is but Mjerose, he is skeptical). The right side engine has caught fire AGAIN, and now teh co pilot must climbinate out on teh wing wiht a fire extinguisher and it put out. Hope he it does soon, Müerîyse lunch wants. heard it's Bouillabaisse, an now Mehrhwse wery hungry is.

Eh bien, Mjeruse can now see that the good co pilot has teh engine fire put out, & is walking back towards the door. Ah, now he's in, apparently lunch it can be servinated.

Oh, apparently they now asking passengers for sticky tap are, as the pilots yoke it has fallen of & he it needs to stickytape back on again, so that he safely can continue to flyinate teh plane. They asking people this are as lunch they serve. Lucky Mjerîse has a roll of Duct tape wiht him has, and so this he can them give. Why do lesser minds always rely on geniuseses like Mjeroîse to everything for them do?!?! What next, mes amis?!?!? WIll they Mjérése ask to pilot teh plane for them?!?!

Greetings from MONTREÁL, mon amis!!

As some of my more observant readers might have noted observantly, Mjuwrhîse had in his diary an impromptu unscheduled wisit to Montréal for 9th- the 29th June scheduled. And it is true! He now in Montreal is, after a breif flight on Atterissage Forcé. And it tres bien is!! Murrhøwse he much ovwer joyed is to be spending time in a city so beautiful.

Also, Mjurrowhsé he has been spending time working on his book new. BUT, mes amis, yesterday disaster it STRUCK. Mürjwse he was on his LAPTOP new typing, which he in France purchasinated, when he noticed that teh keys they in the right order were note. They were

< & é " ' ( § è ! ç à ) -
a z e r t y u i o p ^ $ `
q s d f g h j k l m ù
w x c v b n , ; : =

When Mjérhîse, he expecting was

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 - =
q w e r t y u i o p [ ] \
a s d f g h j k l ; '
z x c v b n m , . /

This!! It a catatatostrophy was!! BECAUSE teh keys they were not where Mjorwse was them expecting to be, his novel most beauifil instead NONENSENE WAS!!!

Oh noes!! That many hours of work on Hrothgar's Battle: the Norse Gods and the Templar Invention of Cinema -- his book new of scholarship -- wasted has been!!! Oh noes!! WHat to do!?!?! HE to type it all again from scratch all again does not to do want!!!

Apparantly, this, this is NROMAL to have teh keys in this order in computers French. But Mjuruse this does not believe. It is a conspiracy, mes amis! A CONSPIRACY!!!!

Eh bien, for teh meantime Mjorrrowse just much happy to in Móntreal be is. He will about his stay here more you tell soon!! Also he much secrets and discoverys frim his TEMPLAR CASTLE too tell you soon has. THIS SPACE WATCH, mes amsi!!!

Arrivinated at Castello di Mjrowse.

Mon ami, Mjrjse he finally at Castello di Mírh¥se is. Even touhgh he wone or two rwong turns made, yet again here in teh true tradition of le monde de mjerîse a map of his journey is:


View Larger Map

Eh bien. Even though it not the SHORTEST POSSIBLE ROUTE was, Muriose he a few nice bottles of Port wine picked up in Porto, Portugul.

And he much glad to at Castello Mjrose be wonce again. He much explorinating of all the secret hidden treasurres here has to do!!!1!

A genius on the road!

So Maurice is on his way back to his castle in Italy. Anyone out there want to guess just how many stupid, obvious wrong turns he'll make along the way? Or at least how much time he'll spend driving the wrong direction? No? Eh, can't blame you. Oh my gosh, but that Maurice fella just can't navigate. Safe to say the answer to both is "LOTS". Hope he misses Norway this time. Don't want to have to meet up with that so called "geynius" again. Oh boy. Being his PA is hard enough without having to meet the man.

Eh, just got to sort his mail then send it on to him. NO idea what he does with it when he gets it. Eats it, for all I know.

Yours squirrelishly,
Ratatoskr.

Update - Bought porperty in Italy!!!

Well, as pormised Mes Amis, Muirrhowse said he would keep you date to up!! And so,, he will!!

He has finally agreed to buyinate a APARTMENT in RHÔME, and a VILLA in GENZANO DI ROMA, a Castelli di Roma Village.

Mes amis, these new hosues are most most beautiful and Muirowse he cannot beleive it still! Ah, mes amis, but it is true!

Here are some photos of Muirrhowse his villa in Genzano di Roma:

 

 

The castle itself, it, it was built by teh Knights Templar in the 11th century being buildinated! Muirrowse is sure it a history most fantastique has, and he it cannot wait to explorinate. And this new hosue most maqnifique set back Muiirowse a mear €1,500,000 !!!

Yes, there ARE vineyards and OLIVE orchards on the estate most grande of Muirrhowse de Perfossor! So, mes amos, soon you will be drinkign Chateau Maurice wine, able to taste teh genius of MAUROESE!!

In addition, Muirrhose a most beautiful 4 bedroom apartment near teh centre of Rhôme managed to buy for only €7,600,000! MEs amis, it has everyting! Even all teh floor boreds have been hand painted! It sure good of Mon Ami M. Le Captain to agree for Muiirhowse to all this pay for!

 

 

Mes amis, Muiirrhwse is now going to into his new country villa move into. He will you keep updated, mes amis, he will much informed keep you!!!!

Arrived in Rhome, Later than Planned

Muiirhyse, he arrived in Rhome has albeit later than planned he had to. According to his GPS, this, this is the route taken by Muirhese:


View Larger Map

Stupid GPS. Muioriuse, he is a greater geynius.

Still, Muiirrhyse he enjoyed visiting Gdańsk. And Oslo. And Gdańsk.

Lunch

In Wien for lunch!! Be in Rhôme soon... I wait cannot, mes amis, wait cannot!!!

For lunch, Muirruse he is enjoying Wiener schnitzel and Sachertorte with LOTS of coffee mes amis - LOTS of coffee.

Ah, here comes Merwrose his next cofee...

Breakfast on teh run....

Wow! Muirrhise he is now able to experience teh glory that is Rhôme -- and just in time for breakfast, mes amis! So many beautiful and hysteric buildings! So many cafe-lined squares so elegant!! It is in such as squire that muirrrhuse he is now sitting, enjoying a breakfast most leaisurely.

Hold on mes amis!! This sign, it says that Muirrhyowse he in Gdańsk is, not Rhôme. So that, it explains why everyone Polish is speaking, not Italian! Dobrze, że wyjaśnia wszystko!

Well, moi znajomi, Muirrhyse must now finish his espresso and into his Lamborghini get, and see if to Rhôme by lunch time he can it make... Życz mu szczęścia, moim przyjaciołom i lojalni czytelnicy! Σύντομα θα πρέπει να είναι στη Ρώμη...

In Oslo

How did that happen?? Muirrhise, he is certain that OSLO, it is not meant to be on teh way for him from Armidale in France to Rhôme in Italia. This is quite odd, mes amis, quite odd.

Still, Muirrhyse must keep dirving. SO tired, but must keeep on.

Right. Ignition on, car into first gear, and put le foot de Muirrhyse down on teh accelerelerator. And get teh car back up to 200mph as quickly as possible...

Driving break

Muirrhose he has for a coffee stopped somewhere near - er, what does that sign it say - near Lisboa. He still on his way to Rhôme is, and is much looking forward to there getting. He will be meeting with his publisher M. Garamond also whilst in Rhome, luckily he also is visiting that city now.

M. Garamond was Muiirrhese asking how he could these many hosues afford to buyinate!! Simple, mon ami, wery simple. Firstly, he has many kredit kards which he from M. le Captain Jerrold von Obiwankanobe got when the Kaptains bag Muirrhuse he borrowed. He will also be able to use the Captains documents to get a loan -- he is certain that the Kaptain he will not mind for such a geynius as Miurrhose to this do. After all, he has only complained once -- and that was just to chocolate cake offer.

ALso, he has his share of the US$35million he helped the fiendly M. J. Oke move out of Benin on behalf of le African Non-Monetary Articulate Albatross Bank (ANMAAB). That was quite a bit, mes amis, quite a bit!!!

Ah, le temps! Le temps!! Muirrhyse must his espresso finish, and in his Lamborghini get, and continue dirving south. At 200mph, it should not long take!!!!!!!!

Back again in Armidale France!!!

Wow! Muarise he is back again in his hosue & Home. This time WITH his toothbrush electric. It most invaluable was!! It helped him from vampires escape, and he even was able to it use to fix the car when Muraises car its engine did not want to work! AND he can with it his teeth brush!

Well, he is looking forward to seeing Aglie in a few days time. Muirose and Aglie, they much exciting things will ahve to discuss!!! Muarose will the Calvados bring.

But first, he must a map of his joruney his raeders most loyal show:


Agrandir le plan

WoWW! THat was not the shortest route, as Muarose he was hoping it would be!!! Next time, he will have to not the road signs ignore. And MAYBE he should a GPS himself buy!!!

In Norway again (realy, mes amis!!)

Well, now Muarise realy now in Norway is. He saw Ratatoskr when he stopped for coffee in Oslo did. Strange, Ratatoskr did not seem to Muirise see, and left rapidly.

Still, it too cold is. Murarse must get back home to Armidale France soon!!

In Norway again

Mes amis, Murrhyse he is in the North of Norway again. Mes amis, it's like deja vu all over agaiN! Still, at least this time he not stranded is. THIS time, Muirose he the Bugatti has with him! So he cannot stranded get.

And, erm, Muarose he has just noticed he in the nroth of SWEDEN is, not NORWAY. Hmm. That explains why people here Norweigan do not speak. Too cold for Muarowse now. He must to France get back. He did not even here mean to come, he does not know how he came to be here. Maybe he another rwong turning made. Maybe he in Latvia should have turned right.

Don't go near the castle, mes amis!!!!!!

Aargh. Murhyse, he WERY much awake now. He out of the castle got WERY quickly. Don't ask, please, mes amis. There were teeth, just as he was to sleep getting. Sharp teeth. For some raison the kind gentleman in the cape wanted Muirhyses neck to bight. Lucky Marise distracted him by hitting him on the head repeatadly with Murrhyse his electric toothbrush. Then Muarowse a quick getaway was able to make.

Well, he in Poland now happy is to be. He has been much glad his car it can drive so fast!!!!

So Tired. Must Stop Driving. Murrhyse He Must Sleep.

Well, Murrhyse in Roumania is now. It's dark, and stormy with only brief flashes of lightening to the road illuminate ahead of Maurice. With the rain this heavy, mes amis, Maurowse he must for the night find somewhere to stay!

Hmm... that dread forbidding castle looks welcoming. THere a handpainted sign saying "Visitors always Welcome" is.

Hungry in Hungary!!

Mes amis! Murhuse somehow in hungary has ended up. Hmm... maybe he a rwong turning somewhere back in Italia made. Hopefully he will figure out where he is maen to be going soon.

First, he must for food stop. He much hungry is!!!

Retreiving the toothbrush, mes amis!!

WELL, mes amis, Murrhyse in valencia once again is mes amis. AND what a traumatic day most traumatic Mierose he had!

Firstly, he to the hotel where Muarise the genius he had stayede. And alas! They had his room cleaned out, and they they said that if a toothbrush had there been then it probably thrown out was had been!!

Murrise he was livid. He never his temper loses, he always the model of calm & Compusure is. Still, he for something to throw at the receptionist looked. He pulled something out of his bag and it at the receptetionist threw. Sacre bleu! It Murhyse his electric toothbrush was! It it in his bag all along was! Murrhyse he overjoyed was!! Alas, he had the receptionist knocked out, so he hhad to his toothbrush retrieve and a retreat most rapid make.

Lucky his car new much fast is, he got in and to Valencia much fast drove! Tomoororw he the ferry to italy must get. Wish him luck mes amis!!

Home again. Maybe, ??

Well, Maerse he back from his drive is now. Er. he a little lost got, maybe just a little. Still, it a wery fun drive was. Mairwse he the lada took, and most disappointed he was that it not as good as Murrhyse his Bugatti Veyron was.

AS is the tradition most magnifique, here the map de Mauriceses journey is:


Agrandir le plan

Well, Maurise back to be in his house & Home much happy is. ALso, he needs to get started on his job new.

OH NO! Quelle catastrophe!! Mes amis! Muarhsyse he has just noticed! He lost his toothbrush!

Now, he convinced is that he in the hotel in lisboa left it. Now Murwse must again to Portugal go to reclaim his toothbrush! He not a moment to loose has! He must this post and then to the Mauricemobile rush!!!!

This time he will the Bugatti take though mes amis...