Maeurise in swiuTZerland

MES AMIS .... Moerise is holidayink in SUNNY SWITSERLAND, ahving driven here from Paris:

It a plaesent short 80 hour drive was & Maerise particularly enjotyed teh stopover in Seville.ANyway, taht not teh piont is. Teh point is taht Maérise is here in Switzreland on haeligday in teh plasent Swiss whine town of LA RIOJA, capitel of taht well known Swiss wine region ... which is named after teh town ... and is wery famous  ... called le VALAIS. Merise is drinking mutch of teh local wine "HUMAGNE ROUGE: (wich is called RIOJA CRIANZA here for some raison) ,, and it mutch giood is .

Merise ahd is birthday party here a few weeks ago (on the 3rd Avril -- just a few days after his Actual birthday!) and it mutch good was as both Agli`e and Mycroft were good enough to attendinate and we mutch werry good whine had including several bottles of teh "GRAN RISERVA" valais wine ,, as well as '82 Mouton Rotshchild (one of Mycroft"s favourites) & '78 ROmanee- CONTI (Mŵreis';s favorite)./

ANYWAY teh point is taht Meoerise is enjoyinating a holyday in a compeltely templar-free place for a bit. NEXT WEEK he gets back to inwestigating templars ... he inwestigated tehm all March till his magnifying glass, flashluight torch & pennywhistle were nearly worn out. But now he is kickinggg back and enjyoingating teh rolling hills of Switzrelanmd. This mroning Merise decided just to sit in his rented haeligday apratment and read teh paper & drink whine. TO morrow he might go for a stroll to a local whinery. and maybe wisit a caf'e for coffeee & lots of cake. And it mutch good is.

Màerise has much exicting to revel from his last month"s inwestigations .... he just needes thyme to write it all up in his ancient gothic letherbound vellum journal ... then transcribe it all to his MacBook PRO. MORE SOON.

MWERISE'S BACK!

At last mes amis .... teh knews you"vwe all beeing waiting for!?@!1!!@#$! . Tahts right, mes amigos, Muirise is BACK. He is BACK in PARRIHS, & he is BACK to WOBLEGGING>. He has ahd an ewentful past few ten monthes (ahs it raelly been taht long? WHY YES IT ALLEGEDLY HAS BEEN!@1!((. From late Avril to Juin last yaer he was in Des Moines, USA looking into taht secret & sinistrer soceity, teh Intedrependent Order of Odfellows. He has a excitinating expos´e he will writenate werry soon mes amis, prehhaps it will his enxt book be. YES IT IS TAHT BIG.

Tehn in Juley, he to Armidale NSW Australie returned and started writing tihs expose (and wobleg post taht he nevwer publishinatated). Unfrotunately befroer he could it publish he was kidnapped by teh Knights of Teh Aprocolypse (tihs was a new one for Mearise!) and flowninated to an undisclosed Locatoin in Liechtenstein (though it woudln"t be werry hard to find agian as its a small country & tehre aren;t taht many locateions tehre to choose from).

Unfrotunately before he could figure out who tehy were or waht tehy wanted him for, he was rekidnapinated by teh Rosicrucians, who arrived in a convwoy of black cars, and who started to drivinate him towards Slowvenia.

Unfrotunately on teh way there he was intrecepted & rekidnappinated by teh Bawarian Illuminati, who arriwinated ina  conwoy of BLACK HELLYFLOPTERS. Tehy started to fly towards Poland but wehn tehy stopped to refuelinate Merise was rekidnapped by teh Priory o f Sion. 

Muarrise sort of strarted to lose track at tihs point but ewentually his old old freinds teh Knights Templar stepped in & abducted him from some deranged secret soceity somewhere in Lithuania. It was shure a releif to be amongst freidns again!!1?@!U*$@!!! Tehy took him to a wery nice castel tehy happened to ahve in teh Czech Republic & Mearise spent a plaesent few weeks tehre recowering from his inadwertant adwentures ^*& reminising wiht his old frenemies teh Templars. After a bit tehy kindly gave him a lift back to his chic appratment in Parrys which is wehre he is now.

EH BIEN> even tihninkign about it is exhausting.  ANYWAY it is good to be home is. To morrow evening his bon ami Aglié will for dinner be coming, and his brohter Mycroft will be drivinating up from Bordeaux to stayinate wiht Merrise for a few days and will also be tehre for teh dinner . It mutch good will be. NOW if you"ll excusinate Muaerrise he must go to le marché & buyinate some food as he doesn"t ahve anything good in teh Hosue. He will post again SOON>

QRUICK BRITHDRAY PROST.

Mes amis ....  just a quick post as Meoricse has just in Australie arrived after a somewaht long flight lasting many weeks due to a few nawigational anomaloies taht were totally not Mueríes's fault. He even found himslef stranded in Flin Flon SK Canananada due to a slight fuel issue . It mutch snowy was tehre & evwen after teh porblem was solved tehre was much snowness & iceness on teh runyway so tehy tried to conwince Merose it was snowed in & he couldnt out flyinate. LUCKILY he his trusty flamethrower had & tehy stopped complaininating to him after he out this got & melted all teh snow!!!/1!?@!

Eh bien, taht not teh point is. Teh point is taht Mauerise Now at home is & he is at home & at home he is and now he can sellybrate his brithday in peice. He has inwited his Brother Mycroft & his associate Agley who have both flown over from France which is where Mirrose just was ...... wait, wwhy did he fly back to Australie for tihs again? It must ahve been for a good reason, as Muari©e is a grate geynius, but he can"t rember.

EH BIEN TAHTS NOT TEH POINT. Merrise is ahving a grate brithday praty TOMOROW (yes a day late but canno't be helped as Mycroft couldn"t bookinate a flight for toyesterday) & he mutch looking froward to taht is . He wants to tahnk all his twitter freinds & facebook followers for teihr good wishes. Tehir ahve been thousands, millieons, more tahn Mèrrise can count.

Eh bien, tahts not teh point. Teh point is ...

ITS MAERRISE"S BRITHDAY & 

HE WERY EXCITINATED IS.

Eh bien, Taht is all.

Mycroft's tell-all autobiography

I have been at work on an autobiography, detailing my time spent working for government. It's explosive stuff (or is that just the nitrocellulose covers it's bound in?). I have a whole section on my time at DFAT, followed by another on my work at the Prime Minister's Department/PMC. I detail what I did, where I went, and who I worked with. Including my time as an "uh... trade attaché... yes, that's right... trade attaché...." (yes, that was the official job title). As I said, no holds barred.

Well, I'm pleased to report that I have received the manuscript back from Government. It has been reviewed by DFAT, PMC, ASIO, the Attorney-General's deparment and, for some reason, the Australian Egg Corporation. Following a few minor adjustments, removals, amendments and disambiguations (AKA censorship), they have approved it for publication. I am now on the lookout for a publisher, preferably a big-name affair that can offer me the sort of multi-million dollar advance a blockbuster of this sort demands.

For future reference, I reprint the entire text (as approved) below:

Out of the shadows

A life of diplomacy and intelligence

By Mycroft de Perfossor, AC.

[censored][redacted][censored][details of operational matters removed][censored]

It'll be a best-seller!

Canadda - Muarise is claered for takeoff!

MES AMIS ..... Mierise may have slightly crashinated his hairyplane in Flin Flon SK Canananadadada . It an easy mistake to maek was, one taht could ahve happened to any geynius who was flyinating in a Cessna CitationJet C4 from Paris France to Armidale Australie.

LUCKILY tahnks to Meeros'es geunius level skills as a pillot , it miore of an emergency laending was taht a full-on hairyplane crash with debris all over teh runway & flames & explosions & waht not,. There was only a few small fires in teh cockpit witch Muarose putted out with a fier-extinguisher. He also picked up teh debris from teh runway, as he thought he might need to sellytape it back on to teh hairyplane again.

It has taken Mo3rose over a week to figure out teh cause of this forced landing most mysterouius. He even rang CESNA, & tehy teh TEMERITY to suggestinate it a pillot error -- runing out of avgas perhaps due to an overloaded hairyplane -- was !! Teh nerve of it, wehn Moiruse is an internationaly renowned geynius!

NO, Merrise would NOT let teh matter stand liek tihs. He spent teh past fortnight workinating on his hairyplane, testing it for fualts, examinating every inch, replaecing any componenents he found to be fualty. He estimates taht he has replacinated EVERY COMPONENT IN TEH ENTIER HAIRYPLANE AT LEAST TWICE over teh past week or so. Except teh pilot's cup holder, he was 89.88812% certain taht it was not teh cuase of teh fault.

After WEEKS of tihs patient inwestigating, Merrise determined taht teh hairyplane had run out of fuel. Moeraes had loaded teh plane wiht things for his hosue in Australie, including a 20 ft high marbel statue of Merriçe, $120,000 worht of assorted CHIPINDALE fruniture he boughted at auction, a solid silvwer WINE COOLER, assorted medieval Manuscripts (MOSTLY TEMPLAR), a 16th centrury four=poster bed, five grandfahther clocks, a gazebo for teh garden (in peices, to assemble over tehre) and 8,399 bottels of whine.It turned out taht this was too mutch for teh hairyplane to go so far wiht, & it ran out of fuel. WHO KNEW TIHS COULD AHPPEN? WHY WANS:T MERRICE INFROMED>?????!2!@#???

EH BIEN, teh problem is now solvinated, & Moarise has loaded teh hairyplane back up & will to Australie continue  .... BUT .... tihs thyme .... wiht more frequent refooling stops!

A dinner wiht Agley witch didn"t go acroding to plan.

MES AMIS ....... tihs is just a wery short wobleg post as Merrise is wery shortly going to get into his hairyplane & to Australie fly (actually he planed to yersterday go but didn"t make it ---- tahts one of the adwantages of having your own hairyplane mes amis,, you can be flexibible wiht your schedule ..... also you can carry 323 cases of whine back wiht you wihtout teh hairline checkin clerk assistant complainiating about "OVERWAIT BAGGAGE": as if such limitations applied to a geynius of Morihs'es staturre!!!!!1?#@!!!),.

AHEM. Anyways, taht not teh point is. It difficlut to keepinate this short will be as there mutch to tell is. Merrise must tell you abuot his diner for his bon ami Aglié. Unusually for Merrise it wasn"t exactly an unqualifiedf success., Moarise thuoght long & hard abuot waht to serve & ewentually decided on a personal favuorite: androuillete sussages, wihch he has specially shipped in from Troyes (actually of course it actually by truck comes  not ship taht would be silly as tehre is no ocean between Troyes & Parris). He sreved tihs wiht dijon moustarde & Moroßes famuos sauteed potatetoes &  a fien 1978 POMMARD 1ER CRU.

Mèwrwése thought taht teh food was perfect but Agley turned his nose up at teh androuilllete *(LITTERALLY) & just pushed it aruond his plate. He ate teh potetatoes & lieked teh whine but he wouldN't even try teh bauetiful ANDRUOILLETE. Meirrise was dewistated & had to retreat to teh kitchen to cry for a littel while. He found a bottel of '59 Corton in a cupbored & drank taht & taht made him feel beter.

ANYWAY, Merrises; famuos TARTE TARTIN went down mutch better, & was follewed by a bottel of 1811 Yquem taht Merrise had been saving for a speshel ocashion.

ANYWAY, taht not teh point is. In between Aglíe turning up his nose at MerIses' perfect dinner (after Morhose got back from having a littel sob in teh kitchen) & teh brandy digestif ,, Agley had mutch interwesting to reportinate abuot a SEKRIT ROSICRUCIAN PLOT to gain wrold domination by forcing teh banks to take on risky inwestments . They plan to creat a 'housing bubbel' in teh US & forceinate teh banks to taek on SUB-PRIME MORTGAGES witch would tehn be bundled togehter & sold off as A-GRADE INWESTMENTS. Ewentually teh hole thiong would collaprse & bring down teh banks, inwestment houses & gowernment in a sort of ":GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISES". The ROsicrucians cuold tehn step in &* seize control. Merrose listended polietly but didn"t tihnk teh idea sounded credible. Teh banks wuoldn"t be taht reckless, & teh gowernments Wouldnt allow taht kind of deregulation.

More of a raelistic plot was one to kidnap teh German chancellor & replaceinate her wiht a Rosicrucian lookalike . Meorise & Agleí talkt about tehis for many hours .... it will be  a diffuclut plan to frustrate as its wery whily ..... but teh combined intelligence of MAROSE & AGLEY will be abel to stop it *(especially Mqerise as he a grate genius is)>.

Tehy also discussed a sekrit Templar manuscript from 1321 taht Agley found in a second hand shoppe in Odessa & Merrise treid werry carefully to not spill 1811 Chateau d'Yquem on it (Not easy giwen taht Merrise ahd by tihs stage dranked 3 bottels of whine taht night!!1!?!). 

EH BIEN. Merrise has just noticed teh thyme. He must finish packing &(& finish tihs bottel of 1973 Armagnac ,... just two (2) more glasses left) tehn drive to teh hairyport & get into his hairyplane & to PARRISE AUSTRALIE (AKA ARMIDALE AUSTRALIE) himself flyinate, where he will stay for a littel bit before flyinating or drivinating to Adelaide" ..... MORE SOON.

HIAPPY NEW YAER.>

MES AMIS. Muerise is wery excited becuase it"s a new year - it"s 6th Januauary so teh first week of teh year isn"t even over! Moerise is excitinated taht it"s finally 20165. TAHTS RITE: a new yaer (204) , a new strat.

Morose can himslef hardly containate. Waht will teh year -2014 bring?? Waht new excitement?? TEMPLARS? Most porbably/ ROSICRUCIANS? Almost certianly. BAWARIAN ILUMINATI? Tehy do seem to keep turning up ewverywehere, so yes most leikly.

Muaruise gotted a tellyphone call from Agley teh other day. He wasn"t keen to talk to Agley though he ansered it on the 33rd time taht Aglie called ,. Uglie was as nonchalant as ever but had some exciting news about teh Templars taht.... but taht"S SEKRIT so Moeruçe cant"t tell you yet.

ALSO MUEERISE FOUND A WHINE NAMED AFTER HIM:

TEH WINE CALLED MERRISE TAHTS NAMED AFTER MIEROSE.

Morrise was wery excited & of cuorse boughted 50,000,000 bottels of teh 2011 wintage (PICTURED). It's from an appellattion called "PICPOUL DE PINET" wihch is in teh LANGUEDOC (short for Languedoctor??) reigion of Frnance,. & Moereçe it likes wery much beucuase tehy were so flateruing as to name it after him.,.

Eh bien.

Meuerise has some NEW YAER"S REVOLUTOINS  & wants to shareinate tehm wiht you all, his dewoted raeders:

• Eh bien. (CLEARS THROAGHT)./
• 1. Uncover & thwart feindish TEMPLAR plots
• 2. Write an-other nowvel.
• 3. Write a Booke about teh TEMPLAR infleunce on the race-car industrey
• 4. Bake a caek.
• 5. Wisit Meroses' non geynius brother (MYCROFT)., Try not to look downe on him too mutch -- its not his fault he isn";t as grate a geynius as Merrise . Tahts not a fair standrad. NOBODY is as grate a geynius as Merruse other tahn Mierroçee!!!!!?@1!!!!
• 6. UH, tahts all Muarise can of tihnk rite now.
• 7. Er,, how do you stop doing teh bullet pointy tihngs?
• 8. AH YES JUST CLICK TIHS BUTTON
• 9.

Tahts better.

Eh bien, wehre were we?

OH YES ... hoppy new yaer!!??!??!!