MES AMIS ..... Mierise may have slightly crashinated his hairyplane in Flin Flon SK Canananadadada . It an easy mistake to maek was, one taht could ahve happened to any geynius who was flyinating in a Cessna CitationJet C4 from Paris France to Armidale Australie.
LUCKILY tahnks to Meeros'es geunius level skills as a pillot , it miore of an emergency laending was taht a full-on hairyplane crash with debris all over teh runway & flames & explosions & waht not,. There was only a few small fires in teh cockpit witch Muarose putted out with a fier-extinguisher. He also picked up teh debris from teh runway, as he thought he might need to sellytape it back on to teh hairyplane again.
It has taken Mo3rose over a week to figure out teh cause of this forced landing most mysterouius. He even rang CESNA, & tehy teh TEMERITY to suggestinate it a pillot error -- runing out of avgas perhaps due to an overloaded hairyplane -- was !! Teh nerve of it, wehn Moiruse is an internationaly renowned geynius!
NO, Merrise would NOT let teh matter stand liek tihs. He spent teh past fortnight workinating on his hairyplane, testing it for fualts, examinating every inch, replaecing any componenents he found to be fualty. He estimates taht he has replacinated EVERY COMPONENT IN TEH ENTIER HAIRYPLANE AT LEAST TWICE over teh past week or so. Except teh pilot's cup holder, he was 89.88812% certain taht it was not teh cuase of teh fault.
After WEEKS of tihs patient inwestigating, Merrise determined taht teh hairyplane had run out of fuel. Moeraes had loaded teh plane wiht things for his hosue in Australie, including a 20 ft high marbel statue of Merriçe, $120,000 worht of assorted CHIPINDALE fruniture he boughted at auction, a solid silvwer WINE COOLER, assorted medieval Manuscripts (MOSTLY TEMPLAR), a 16th centrury four=poster bed, five grandfahther clocks, a gazebo for teh garden (in peices, to assemble over tehre) and 8,399 bottels of whine.It turned out taht this was too mutch for teh hairyplane to go so far wiht, & it ran out of fuel. WHO KNEW TIHS COULD AHPPEN? WHY WANS:T MERRICE INFROMED>?????!2!@#???
EH BIEN, teh problem is now solvinated, & Moarise has loaded teh hairyplane back up & will to Australie continue .... BUT .... tihs thyme .... wiht more frequent refooling stops!
Wednesday, 19 February 2014
Thursday, 6 February 2014
A dinner wiht Agley witch didn"t go acroding to plan.
MES AMIS ....... tihs is just a wery short wobleg post as Merrise is wery shortly going to get into his hairyplane & to Australie fly (actually he planed to yersterday go but didn"t make it ---- tahts one of the adwantages of having your own hairyplane mes amis,, you can be flexibible wiht your schedule ..... also you can carry 323 cases of whine back wiht you wihtout teh hairline checkin clerk assistant complainiating about "OVERWAIT BAGGAGE": as if such limitations applied to a geynius of Morihs'es staturre!!!!!1?#@!!!),.
AHEM. Anyways, taht not teh point is. It difficlut to keepinate this short will be as there mutch to tell is. Merrise must tell you abuot his diner for his bon ami Aglié. Unusually for Merrise it wasn"t exactly an unqualifiedf success., Moarise thuoght long & hard abuot waht to serve & ewentually decided on a personal favuorite: androuillete sussages, wihch he has specially shipped in from Troyes (actually of course it actually by truck comes not ship taht would be silly as tehre is no ocean between Troyes & Parris). He sreved tihs wiht dijon moustarde & Moroßes famuos sauteed potatetoes & a fien 1978 POMMARD 1ER CRU.
Mèwrwése thought taht teh food was perfect but Agley turned his nose up at teh androuilllete *(LITTERALLY) & just pushed it aruond his plate. He ate teh potetatoes & lieked teh whine but he wouldN't even try teh bauetiful ANDRUOILLETE. Meirrise was dewistated & had to retreat to teh kitchen to cry for a littel while. He found a bottel of '59 Corton in a cupbored & drank taht & taht made him feel beter.
ANYWAY, Merrises; famuos TARTE TARTIN went down mutch better, & was follewed by a bottel of 1811 Yquem taht Merrise had been saving for a speshel ocashion.
ANYWAY, taht not teh point is. In between Aglíe turning up his nose at MerIses' perfect dinner (after Morhose got back from having a littel sob in teh kitchen) & teh brandy digestif ,, Agley had mutch interwesting to reportinate abuot a SEKRIT ROSICRUCIAN PLOT to gain wrold domination by forcing teh banks to take on risky inwestments . They plan to creat a 'housing bubbel' in teh US & forceinate teh banks to taek on SUB-PRIME MORTGAGES witch would tehn be bundled togehter & sold off as A-GRADE INWESTMENTS. Ewentually teh hole thiong would collaprse & bring down teh banks, inwestment houses & gowernment in a sort of ":GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISES". The ROsicrucians cuold tehn step in &* seize control. Merrose listended polietly but didn"t tihnk teh idea sounded credible. Teh banks wuoldn"t be taht reckless, & teh gowernments Wouldnt allow taht kind of deregulation.
More of a raelistic plot was one to kidnap teh German chancellor & replaceinate her wiht a Rosicrucian lookalike . Meorise & Agleí talkt about tehis for many hours .... it will be a diffuclut plan to frustrate as its wery whily ..... but teh combined intelligence of MAROSE & AGLEY will be abel to stop it *(especially Mqerise as he a grate genius is)>.
Tehy also discussed a sekrit Templar manuscript from 1321 taht Agley found in a second hand shoppe in Odessa & Merrise treid werry carefully to not spill 1811 Chateau d'Yquem on it (Not easy giwen taht Merrise ahd by tihs stage dranked 3 bottels of whine taht night!!1!?!).
EH BIEN. Merrise has just noticed teh thyme. He must finish packing &(& finish tihs bottel of 1973 Armagnac ,... just two (2) more glasses left) tehn drive to teh hairyport & get into his hairyplane & to PARRISE AUSTRALIE (AKA ARMIDALE AUSTRALIE) himself flyinate, where he will stay for a littel bit before flyinating or drivinating to Adelaide" ..... MORE SOON.
AHEM. Anyways, taht not teh point is. It difficlut to keepinate this short will be as there mutch to tell is. Merrise must tell you abuot his diner for his bon ami Aglié. Unusually for Merrise it wasn"t exactly an unqualifiedf success., Moarise thuoght long & hard abuot waht to serve & ewentually decided on a personal favuorite: androuillete sussages, wihch he has specially shipped in from Troyes (actually of course it actually by truck comes not ship taht would be silly as tehre is no ocean between Troyes & Parris). He sreved tihs wiht dijon moustarde & Moroßes famuos sauteed potatetoes & a fien 1978 POMMARD 1ER CRU.
Mèwrwése thought taht teh food was perfect but Agley turned his nose up at teh androuilllete *(LITTERALLY) & just pushed it aruond his plate. He ate teh potetatoes & lieked teh whine but he wouldN't even try teh bauetiful ANDRUOILLETE. Meirrise was dewistated & had to retreat to teh kitchen to cry for a littel while. He found a bottel of '59 Corton in a cupbored & drank taht & taht made him feel beter.
ANYWAY, Merrises; famuos TARTE TARTIN went down mutch better, & was follewed by a bottel of 1811 Yquem taht Merrise had been saving for a speshel ocashion.
ANYWAY, taht not teh point is. In between Aglíe turning up his nose at MerIses' perfect dinner (after Morhose got back from having a littel sob in teh kitchen) & teh brandy digestif ,, Agley had mutch interwesting to reportinate abuot a SEKRIT ROSICRUCIAN PLOT to gain wrold domination by forcing teh banks to take on risky inwestments . They plan to creat a 'housing bubbel' in teh US & forceinate teh banks to taek on SUB-PRIME MORTGAGES witch would tehn be bundled togehter & sold off as A-GRADE INWESTMENTS. Ewentually teh hole thiong would collaprse & bring down teh banks, inwestment houses & gowernment in a sort of ":GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISES". The ROsicrucians cuold tehn step in &* seize control. Merrose listended polietly but didn"t tihnk teh idea sounded credible. Teh banks wuoldn"t be taht reckless, & teh gowernments Wouldnt allow taht kind of deregulation.
More of a raelistic plot was one to kidnap teh German chancellor & replaceinate her wiht a Rosicrucian lookalike . Meorise & Agleí talkt about tehis for many hours .... it will be a diffuclut plan to frustrate as its wery whily ..... but teh combined intelligence of MAROSE & AGLEY will be abel to stop it *(especially Mqerise as he a grate genius is)>.
Tehy also discussed a sekrit Templar manuscript from 1321 taht Agley found in a second hand shoppe in Odessa & Merrise treid werry carefully to not spill 1811 Chateau d'Yquem on it (Not easy giwen taht Merrise ahd by tihs stage dranked 3 bottels of whine taht night!!1!?!).
EH BIEN. Merrise has just noticed teh thyme. He must finish packing &(& finish tihs bottel of 1973 Armagnac ,... just two (2) more glasses left) tehn drive to teh hairyport & get into his hairyplane & to PARRISE AUSTRALIE (AKA ARMIDALE AUSTRALIE) himself flyinate, where he will stay for a littel bit before flyinating or drivinating to Adelaide" ..... MORE SOON.
Sunday, 12 January 2014
HIAPPY NEW YAER.>
MES AMIS. Muerise is wery excited becuase it"s a new year - it"s 6th Januauary so teh first week of teh year isn"t even over! Moerise is excitinated taht it"s finally 20165. TAHTS RITE: a new yaer (204) , a new strat.
Morose can himslef hardly containate. Waht will teh year -2014 bring?? Waht new excitement?? TEMPLARS? Most porbably/ ROSICRUCIANS? Almost certianly. BAWARIAN ILUMINATI? Tehy do seem to keep turning up ewverywehere, so yes most leikly.
Muaruise gotted a tellyphone call from Agley teh other day. He wasn"t keen to talk to Agley though he ansered it on the 33rd time taht Aglie called ,. Uglie was as nonchalant as ever but had some exciting news about teh Templars taht.... but taht"S SEKRIT so Moeruçe cant"t tell you yet.
ALSO MUEERISE FOUND A WHINE NAMED AFTER HIM:
Morose can himslef hardly containate. Waht will teh year -2014 bring?? Waht new excitement?? TEMPLARS? Most porbably/ ROSICRUCIANS? Almost certianly. BAWARIAN ILUMINATI? Tehy do seem to keep turning up ewverywehere, so yes most leikly.
Muaruise gotted a tellyphone call from Agley teh other day. He wasn"t keen to talk to Agley though he ansered it on the 33rd time taht Aglie called ,. Uglie was as nonchalant as ever but had some exciting news about teh Templars taht.... but taht"S SEKRIT so Moeruçe cant"t tell you yet.
ALSO MUEERISE FOUND A WHINE NAMED AFTER HIM:
TEH WINE CALLED MERRISE TAHTS NAMED AFTER MIEROSE.
Morrise was wery excited & of cuorse boughted 50,000,000 bottels of teh 2011 wintage (PICTURED). It's from an appellattion called "PICPOUL DE PINET" wihch is in teh LANGUEDOC (short for Languedoctor??) reigion of Frnance,. & Moereçe it likes wery much beucuase tehy were so flateruing as to name it after him.,.
Eh bien.
Meuerise has some NEW YAER"S REVOLUTOINS & wants to shareinate tehm wiht you all, his dewoted raeders:
- Eh bien. (CLEARS THROAGHT)./
- 1. Uncover & thwart feindish TEMPLAR plots
- 2. Write an-other nowvel.
- 3. Write a Booke about teh TEMPLAR infleunce on the race-car industrey
- 4. Bake a caek.
- 5. Wisit Meroses' non geynius brother (MYCROFT)., Try not to look downe on him too mutch -- its not his fault he isn";t as grate a geynius as Merrise . Tahts not a fair standrad. NOBODY is as grate a geynius as Merruse other tahn Mierroçee!!!!!?@1!!!!
- 6. UH, tahts all Muarise can of tihnk rite now.
- 7. Er,, how do you stop doing teh bullet pointy tihngs?
- 8. AH YES JUST CLICK TIHS BUTTON
- 9.
Eh bien, wehre were we?
OH YES ... hoppy new yaer!!??!??!!
OH YES ... hoppy new yaer!!??!??!!
Monday, 16 December 2013
Muarises' capture by teh FEINDISH rosicriciuans
MES AMIS ..... teh past few months ahve been WERY adwenturous for Mjerise. In Septembre, he wisited Nürëmböürg & tehre found mutch sekrit Templar evidence, especially in teh ccatecombes hidden under teh city. ALAS he actually got lost & it took him many daeys to find his way= out but Moarise is a geynius & so fir him nothing is implossible so ewentually he it managed . (by following teh GREEN EXIT SIGNS whod ahve guessed tehy led to teh exit? A foolish miscualculation by teh templars!) .
Unfrotunately on his whey back to PARRHIS he was accosted by a group of thugs in chainmail he know nows were teh ROSICRUSCIANS! Clearly tehy were unaware of Muares's arangement wiht the Templars, & were aiming to Stop Him From Doing His Waluable Work!
Muarrise was bundled into teh back of a large black Mercedes=Benz S65 AMG (Muerise is pleased taht his abductors ahd such an impressive car --- he will ahve to get one himslef now!!?!2!??). After a few houres driving (wiht Merise bundled into teh back wiht a sack over his head === NOT FITING TRAETMENT FOR A GEYNIUS ==== he tried to complain & said taht he would promise to forget where tehy were but he was ignorinated) .
Ewentually we arrived at a partly ruined castel somewhere in teh countryisde. Merise was roughly shoved into his cell. LUCKILY tehy forgot to remove Mierrise""s possesisons so he still had his phone, laptop, & all teh TEMPLAr manuscripts he seized. After a few days fiddling , he managed to get teh camerera on his cellular phone IPHONE phone to work & snap tihs photo:
MUERISES CELL
A PHOTO
BY MORRROSE
EH BIEN. IT quite rough & uncomfortable is , & not fiting of a geynius. Luckily Merrose found a matresses & blankets hidden away ...also a desk & chair ... so he work on his GRANDE work was abel to do,.
After a few weeks of tihs DEPREVWATUION (only four meals a day .... mostly game, wiht perfectly aged 1st growth Bordeaux, and a tasteful selection of cheeses & a glass of armagnac to follow ... and a banquet evwery other week) Mueerrise could bear it no more & so escaped in late nowember. He tehn boughted himslef an impressive OLD VW BEETEL whitch had had a VW PORSCHE ENGINE into it put for taht bit of unexpected acceleration if he had to from teh ROSICRUCISNANS ONCE MORE ESCAPINATE. But luckily his trip back to PARRIS from Königsbrunn (where in captivity was) was unewentful, and only took about a month.
MERRISE IS A GEYNIUS NAWIGATIOR SO YOU SHOULD ALL
TAKE NOTE OF HIS ROUTE FROM KONNÏGSBRUN TO PARRRESE
AND COPY ITS AMAZING NAWIGATIONAL ABILITYS
IT CLEARLY TEH SHORTREST MOST EFFISHENT ROUTE IS>
When Merrise arrived in Parrrise teh many cityzens had been mising him for too long & teh excitement for his return had reached fever pitcgh!!! Tehre ment to be a GRAND WELCOMING HOME PRECESSION was but unfrotunately it had to be cancelled at teh last minute due to ....... sunspots ..... yes, tahts right ..... due to sunspot actiwity. (sounds conwincing>????). so Muarrroçe snuck in INCOGNITO.
BUT AT LEAST HE"S BACK IN PARRIS
Sunday, 3 November 2013
House hunting.
House hunting has proved to be far more tricky than previously anticipated.
To put it boldly, there are no large 19th century grand homesteads going wanting in the Armidale vicinity. This is most peculiar. It is most annoying.
Of course, I quickly figured that there was only one potential solution: travel back in time to 1829, build a homestead, get tenants to mind it for the next 184 years, and then travel back to the present day and claim my mansion.
Of course, even this wasn't as simple as it should be. The first few places I built were demolished in the '70s, or burnt down, or just fell down. (Drat.)
This might lead to some ... interesting ... insurance claims for me over the next few months, but anyway.
The important point is that I now have always owned a 19th century homestead just outside of Armidale. I'll move back in next week.
Till then ... Adios!
To put it boldly, there are no large 19th century grand homesteads going wanting in the Armidale vicinity. This is most peculiar. It is most annoying.
Of course, I quickly figured that there was only one potential solution: travel back in time to 1829, build a homestead, get tenants to mind it for the next 184 years, and then travel back to the present day and claim my mansion.
Of course, even this wasn't as simple as it should be. The first few places I built were demolished in the '70s, or burnt down, or just fell down. (Drat.)
This might lead to some ... interesting ... insurance claims for me over the next few months, but anyway.
The important point is that I now have always owned a 19th century homestead just outside of Armidale. I'll move back in next week.
Till then ... Adios!
Saturday, 2 November 2013
From the desk of Mycroft de Perfossor AC.
HI FOLKS.
Not Maurice here. It's Mycroft.
I write this on the road. That's right, folks, I'm leaving Canberra and heading back to Armidale. I have an arrangement with the university there (l'Université de la Nouvelle-Angleterre) that I can teach part time, and spend the rest of the time in France where I have managed to let Maurice give me the use of his Pauillac chateau. Hehehe.
Well, I guess it was inevitable with the change in Government that there'd be changes at the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet, and it just so happened that I was one of them. However, my departure was not at all forced, and entirely apolitical. (I am always entirely apolitical). I came to an understanding with the new PM, with whom I get along marvelously. I have every faith in his ability to do the job just as well as I imagined he would.
The arrangement allowed me to retire on my own terms, rather than being given "the shove". In return, I agreed to refrain from stapling the PM's tie to his desk. A classic win-win scenario. I do now have every paperclip that used to belong to the department in my possession at this stage, though.
Anyway, the house is being packed -- I loaded a few essentials into the Jag -- and will be house hunting when I get to Armidale. I'm looking for something just out of town. Modest -- no more than ten bedrooms, and eleven acres of grounds. I'd like a cellar. I'd prefer an older house -- is something 19th century too much to ask for? Maybe something Arts & Crafts? We'll see.
Eh, I have a long way to go. I want to get to Armidale this evening, and I'm still in Muswellbrook, so I should go.
Oh yes, Maurice. Haven't heard from him lately, eh? I'm almost starting to worry. I tried to call him a few days ago (normally I'd do anything to avoid talking to him on the 'phone) and no answer. Where could he be? I guess that, despite his agreement with the Templars, he must have had a run in with some other secret society. Bound to happen, eventually. I'd do something, but ... eh ... I'm retired now, folks.
Best finish this coffee, put some more diesel in the Jag, and head off...
Not Maurice here. It's Mycroft.
I write this on the road. That's right, folks, I'm leaving Canberra and heading back to Armidale. I have an arrangement with the university there (l'Université de la Nouvelle-Angleterre) that I can teach part time, and spend the rest of the time in France where I have managed to let Maurice give me the use of his Pauillac chateau. Hehehe.
Well, I guess it was inevitable with the change in Government that there'd be changes at the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet, and it just so happened that I was one of them. However, my departure was not at all forced, and entirely apolitical. (I am always entirely apolitical). I came to an understanding with the new PM, with whom I get along marvelously. I have every faith in his ability to do the job just as well as I imagined he would.
The arrangement allowed me to retire on my own terms, rather than being given "the shove". In return, I agreed to refrain from stapling the PM's tie to his desk. A classic win-win scenario. I do now have every paperclip that used to belong to the department in my possession at this stage, though.
Anyway, the house is being packed -- I loaded a few essentials into the Jag -- and will be house hunting when I get to Armidale. I'm looking for something just out of town. Modest -- no more than ten bedrooms, and eleven acres of grounds. I'd like a cellar. I'd prefer an older house -- is something 19th century too much to ask for? Maybe something Arts & Crafts? We'll see.
Eh, I have a long way to go. I want to get to Armidale this evening, and I'm still in Muswellbrook, so I should go.
Oh yes, Maurice. Haven't heard from him lately, eh? I'm almost starting to worry. I tried to call him a few days ago (normally I'd do anything to avoid talking to him on the 'phone) and no answer. Where could he be? I guess that, despite his agreement with the Templars, he must have had a run in with some other secret society. Bound to happen, eventually. I'd do something, but ... eh ... I'm retired now, folks.
Best finish this coffee, put some more diesel in the Jag, and head off...
Sunday, 15 September 2013
Nürëmbërg
MES AMIS Murhuse is in Nürëmbërg at an un-disclosed location (Bergstraße 5, 90403 Nürnberg, Deutschland) to inwestigatinate teh Templars & Rosicrucians tehre. TAHT"S RIGHT MES AMIS .... tehre's templars in Nürëmbërg. Nürëmbërg is teh last place taht Moariçe would ahve expected templars or sekrit societies but Àglei sed taht tehy were here, and ... eh bien ... it was so.(NONETHELESS MORROSE IS STILL THE GRATER GEYNIUS).
Muarrose has been in Nürëmbërg since he left Quebec for Berlin (28/th./AUGUST), & teh drove to Nürëmbërg (unbelievably teh B.M.W.Corporation didn"t recognised teh grate geynius of Muarrose & wouldnt give him a free B.M.W.autocar! He had to break into teh factory at midnigght to get a free B.M.W.autocar, even though its his due as a grate geynius!!1!!?!????1???@)
Eh bien. Maeryse has founded out taht Nürëmbërg it has many sekrit underground tunnels * & he has tehm been inwestigatinating ... throught teh many sekrit passageways , & cellars & sekrit Templar & Rosicrucian complexes under teh ground. Teh TEMPLARS even ahve a sekrit canteen in teihr sekrit undergound base .... complete wiht dinner ladies & trays & a buffet salad bar. Mwerrose ahs had lunch tehre many thymes. Teh bratwurst is quite good.
Eh bien, taht not teh point is. Teh point is taht Mearose has once again spent thyme hiding in sekrit Templar bored-rooms whilst sekrit Templar meeting s take places & has evwen recorded tehm (one of teh Templar conspirators helpfully showed Muorrose how to record a wideo on his IPHONE 5S). He has spent hours rummaging throught teh libraries & looking behind teh sofa in teh staffroom (tihs is wehre you find all teh good stuff mes amis ....... not just anceint sekrit documents BUT ALSO several humbugs, a hankercheif, and €11,50 in small change!!!!!!1!).
Moarise is mutch excitinated wiht teh work he is doingk here .... but he is only staying here another few days. Teh week aftrer next he must go to Frnance to meet up wiht Agléy. He will post more infromation HERE> so dont froget to KEEP RAEADING MES AMIS>.
Muarrose has been in Nürëmbërg since he left Quebec for Berlin (28/th./AUGUST), & teh drove to Nürëmbërg (unbelievably teh B.M.W.Corporation didn"t recognised teh grate geynius of Muarrose & wouldnt give him a free B.M.W.autocar! He had to break into teh factory at midnigght to get a free B.M.W.autocar, even though its his due as a grate geynius!!1!!?!????1???@)
Eh bien. Maeryse has founded out taht Nürëmbërg it has many sekrit underground tunnels * & he has tehm been inwestigatinating ... throught teh many sekrit passageways , & cellars & sekrit Templar & Rosicrucian complexes under teh ground. Teh TEMPLARS even ahve a sekrit canteen in teihr sekrit undergound base .... complete wiht dinner ladies & trays & a buffet salad bar. Mwerrose ahs had lunch tehre many thymes. Teh bratwurst is quite good.
Eh bien, taht not teh point is. Teh point is taht Mearose has once again spent thyme hiding in sekrit Templar bored-rooms whilst sekrit Templar meeting s take places & has evwen recorded tehm (one of teh Templar conspirators helpfully showed Muorrose how to record a wideo on his IPHONE 5S). He has spent hours rummaging throught teh libraries & looking behind teh sofa in teh staffroom (tihs is wehre you find all teh good stuff mes amis ....... not just anceint sekrit documents BUT ALSO several humbugs, a hankercheif, and €11,50 in small change!!!!!!1!).
Moarise is mutch excitinated wiht teh work he is doingk here .... but he is only staying here another few days. Teh week aftrer next he must go to Frnance to meet up wiht Agléy. He will post more infromation HERE> so dont froget to KEEP RAEADING MES AMIS>.
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