Received Sat 25 Sept at 1:02 AM GMT+2:
I guess that, in the distance future, phone numbers are hexadecimal. Or not, who knows with Maurice?
Sunday, 26 September 2021
In which a further mysterious message is received by your courageous correspondent, but he cannot be bothered to reply
I guess that, in the distance future, phone numbers are hexadecimal. Or not, who knows with Maurice?
Wednesday, 22 September 2021
In which a mysterious message is received by your courageous correspondent, Mycroft (me)
Text message communication received from Maurice de Perfossor, 2nd September 2019 at 03:19AM:
I have not heard from Maurice since then.
I have no doubt we will hear from Mr. de Perfossor, the so-called 'genyius', in 2022.
In the meantime, I have decided to co-opt his blog, for non-classified communications. That is all.
Friday, 3 April 2020
Tuesday, 8 May 2018
BUENOS AIRES
MON AMIGOS ……………. Muerise is still alive & Well evwvne though he a shrort Break from blogginating took. He did wonder if he should post a picture wiht a current newspraprer to prowinate that he stil alivwe is but tehn he forgot & didn":t,. Eh bien……
ANYWAY TAHT NOT TEH POINT IS. Teh point is taht Meriiise is now in Buenos Aires -- or as he, internet GEYNIUS, calls it, #BuenosAires. He was in Armidale NSW Australie where he a wery inowative wine estate owniniates but he had a minor disagreeement wiht teh manerger tehre, whitch led to a minor argument, & Meeiwrise stormed off. Muerise managed to keep his cool & didntt shuot or throw stuff abuot two mutch, & teh porperty damage is praps ltd to US$54,000 withc is hardly anything. Merrrriçes brilliant idea was to harwest ALL teh grapes on teh same day & fermentinate tehm all in teh same vat, tehn extract tehm out & bottel tehm all seprately aftrewards,. SIMPLES. GEYNIUS. Yet teh (Stupid NONGEYNIUS) manger liekd it NOT! In teh end morose consieded this agrument& flew to #BuenosAires insted.
Now Mearíse cuold have done teh expectinated tihng& flown to his estate in Argentina & tried out taht plan here ……. but he did NOT , as he a geynius is & isnt to be bothering himslef with doing expectable, sensibible tihngs. NO, he flew his newly apointed A-380-CUSTOM (wiht onbored bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchens, bangq1uette halls, whine cellars, & evwen a garage so he a car can iwhtht him takeinate) DIWECTLY tO #BueonsAires (leveing Armidale Mar-9-2018 & ariwinating in #buenosaires 29th-March-2018,a short direwct 20 day flight via Iceland, China, & NewZeeland) & has spent teh past few weeks writinating & inwestigating fiendish sekrit templar plots taht are currantly two sekrit two post abuot here..... FOR NOW. BUT WATCH TIHS SPACE MON AMIGO. Yes tahts rite, Mesrihse in fact means this spesfic space rite here ---> <---- wathc it vigilently without sleeping/blinking./etc for teh next few weeks, .
Also Merrrise is NOT lieking Migrosoft EDGE so-called wobbrowser, particularly teh way it keeps attemptinating to CORRECT Mwerìses GEYNIUS spelling .,e.g., substitutinating "THE" (obwiously worng!) for Mòróses OBWIOUSLY CORECT 'TEH',.
ANYWAY TAHT NOT TEH POINT IS. Teh point is taht Meriiise is now in Buenos Aires -- or as he, internet GEYNIUS, calls it, #BuenosAires. He was in Armidale NSW Australie where he a wery inowative wine estate owniniates but he had a minor disagreeement wiht teh manerger tehre, whitch led to a minor argument, & Meeiwrise stormed off. Muerise managed to keep his cool & didntt shuot or throw stuff abuot two mutch, & teh porperty damage is praps ltd to US$54,000 withc is hardly anything. Merrrriçes brilliant idea was to harwest ALL teh grapes on teh same day & fermentinate tehm all in teh same vat, tehn extract tehm out & bottel tehm all seprately aftrewards,. SIMPLES. GEYNIUS. Yet teh (Stupid NONGEYNIUS) manger liekd it NOT! In teh end morose consieded this agrument& flew to #BuenosAires insted.
Now Mearíse cuold have done teh expectinated tihng& flown to his estate in Argentina & tried out taht plan here ……. but he did NOT , as he a geynius is & isnt to be bothering himslef with doing expectable, sensibible tihngs. NO, he flew his newly apointed A-380-CUSTOM (wiht onbored bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchens, bangq1uette halls, whine cellars, & evwen a garage so he a car can iwhtht him takeinate) DIWECTLY tO #BueonsAires (leveing Armidale Mar-9-2018 & ariwinating in #buenosaires 29th-March-2018,a short direwct 20 day flight via Iceland, China, & NewZeeland) & has spent teh past few weeks writinating & inwestigating fiendish sekrit templar plots taht are currantly two sekrit two post abuot here..... FOR NOW. BUT WATCH TIHS SPACE MON AMIGO. Yes tahts rite, Mesrihse in fact means this spesfic space rite here ---> <---- wathc it vigilently without sleeping/blinking./etc for teh next few weeks, .
ANYWAY TAHT NOT TEH POINT IS., The point is (1) MErise is a grate geynius; (2) Miaeerise is curwrently in Buenos Aires , (3) Moarihse is curwently inwestigatinating sekrit Templar conspireacies ;., (5) Mwrise is a geynius, (344.4) He has a new hairyplane ; (7) he forgotted waht item seven was going to be, (6.3111132) & taht not teh point is ; *(9) ?????l; (10.2) More blog posts soon, including a rewelation abuot teh sekrit TEMPLAR plots.
Also Merrrise is NOT lieking Migrosoft EDGE so-called wobbrowser, particularly teh way it keeps attemptinating to CORRECT Mwerìses GEYNIUS spelling .,e.g., substitutinating "THE" (obwiously worng!) for Mòróses OBWIOUSLY CORECT 'TEH',.
Thursday, 1 June 2017
diner wiht teh Templars!
MES AMIGOS.... Muaröise ahs news to reportinate!!1!?!@#! Adn what news it is mes amigos ... Muarise had teh Templars of Argentina™ around for dinner Twice this month (May) & it magnifique was for two (2) raisons:
- Teh Templars came back teh second thyme completely voluntarily, no compulsion or anything(!!#?!)
- Teh second diner Mj¤wriøse he created was teh bestest banquet taht Maeruise has ever put on, ever : truely he surpassed himslef! Evwen Morijse (who is wery, wery modest & self-effacing) ahd to admittinate taht it a TRIOMPHE of teh culinary arts was.
OH TAHT SECOND BANQUET. Muiríse wishes taht all his loyal wobleg-raeders could ahve been there wiht him & enjoyininating teh feast mangnifique *& basqueing in Mñerüse his reflected glory. Because quite a banquet it was! Merese whishes he could explain it properly but he lacks teh thyme & teh wocabularly so he will content himslef to say:
- Teh banquet lasted forty-eight (48) huors! (2 days)
- Tehre were seventy (70) courses, icludinginating truffled pigeon, wild boar, duck & goose, venison wiht juniper berries & dark chocolate sauce, grouse, oysters, lobsters, & chicken schnitzel.
- Murise served teh bestest wines he cuold including '47 Cheval blanc (of cuorse! Muerise still ahs two cases of tihs left) ; '45 DRC Romanèe-Conti (Meurises favrite; he has six cases left incl. three magnums); '37 Ch. d'Yquem (WOW Magnifique!) ; & of cuorse a bottel of taht old favrite standby '69 DRC Montrachet. Miró¤se can tell you taht teh Templars were Suitably Impressed. & rightly so. it impressive was.
Anyway , whilst it a MAGNIFIQUE SUCESS for Mérjhuïse, teh GRATEST GEYNIUS to EVER LIVE, EVER, (& yet so modest), taht not teh point is. Eh bien, teh point is taht the Templars in Argentina much to Muerses surprise are actually Quite Nice People for members of an Ancient, Evil Sekret Society Dedicated To World Domination. (Not a good tihng mes amis: it wuold be teribible if teh Templars seized control of teh world; far better if Mowrise were in charge!(). Teh Templar Grand Master was wery freindly & got on with Merise wery well. Muariçe ahs inwited him to wisit Moieurise his country estancia & teh Templar Grand Master in return inwitefd Mwrwse around foor dinner. He pormised to leave lots of good Clues around Buenos Aires so Miwriwce can inwestigate tehm sucessfully wich is nice.
As Murise saided on Twitter Mycroft, teh non-genuis brother of M²er€se will be wisiting Argentina soon & Mowri³se is planninating an exciting wisit for him including a trip to Mero;ses estancia. Prehaps Mycroft can help Muriese inwestigatinate/fight/thwart teh Templars!!#$!!1! & tehn we can all ahve dinner togehther at a Chic Littel Restorant taht Muiuirse knows!!@3!!?@!!1!*#*&(@! It magnifique will be.
Saturday, 13 May 2017
From Aregenetina
MON AMIGOS .... Mèrèhse is in Argentina in his Apratment in Buenos-Aires & he doing mutch sekret Templar inwestigations is ........ tihs is why he hasn"t been able to blogginate, honest mes amigos, not bcecuase he has teh entire thyme been drinking & eating & enjoyinating himslef!!1!! Well, he has that been doing, but he does not let it detract from or to get in teh way of his GRATE WORK.
Eh bien, finally Mqwrose can start to tell you about his work here!!1!!>@!?! The second day he was here, he was at his favuorite restraunt waiting for dinner -- he was just ahving a nice littel " aperitif " , just starting on to his third (3rd) bottel of '52 Krug wehn he saw teh TEMPLAR GRAND MASTRER try to sneek past un-noticed. Past Miúrise! who infimously misses NOTHING (taht thyme he mised noticign a brass band, an elephant, six tanks, and a parade float shaeped liek a hotdog go past is IRELeVANT as it was obwiously a set-Up & Merííse was caughted unawars & it was completely unfare!), NOTHIHING MES AMIS.
SO Mŵrŵuse did teh templar notice , && he didnt waste any thyme in persuing tihs, oh no mes amigos .... he cut his meal down to a mere 5 courses (wiht a bottel of wine matching eatch course), followed by a cheese platter (wiht anohter bottle of whine), tehn coffee & sweets, tehn brandy & cigars. Mwuryse was in sutch a rush he didn"t ahve time to settel teh bill but he is shure taht teh manager will be understanding when MrRrse goes back & may even Offer M8r¶urse a dis-count!!!!!!!!!!1?!?!@34!!
Luckily teh Templar Grand Master was waiting around teh Corner from teh Restorant, & Moiirrise was abel to Pick Up Teh Trail,. Mjerise wobbled along after teh Templar (may be he shuoldnt ahve had nine bottels of whine + a bottel of Armagnac, but a GEYNIUS cannot DEPRIVE himslef!!/1!) and luckily up was able to Keep. Evwen wehn teh Templar ducked into a doorway and ran along a series of sekret (probly booby-traiped) tunnels Morpse kept Rite Behind Him.
IN TIHS WAY Muhrise was leded to a sekret metting room where a SEKRIT INER CABAL of TEMPLARS discussinated how to infiltrate teh Metwurst industry in New Suoth Wales (withc includes Merises home town!!!2.@!?!!), and a plan to replace teh U.S.A. PRESIDANT wiht an incompetent imposter! Tehse are plans withc Meer;ise will be fFrustrating tehm in (& NO mon amis he does NOT need teh help of his EX-associate & So-Called " Freind " Agli`e@@!! Tihs is a porblem that Moríise can & will sort out himslef!!?@###!)
OBWUOUSLY since tehn Merise has infiltratinated many sutch meetings & learnt of many diabiolical plans ....... he vaguely rembers he had to inwestigate in a bunch of other cities too but now cant rember & honestly aftrer teh second bottel of Armagnac he realises it porbably isn"t improtant.
EH BIEN taht is all for now. More soon as Merewse (& Muerise ALONE) will inwestigatinate &* here you keep infromed.
Eh bien, finally Mqwrose can start to tell you about his work here!!1!!>@!?! The second day he was here, he was at his favuorite restraunt waiting for dinner -- he was just ahving a nice littel " aperitif " , just starting on to his third (3rd) bottel of '52 Krug wehn he saw teh TEMPLAR GRAND MASTRER try to sneek past un-noticed. Past Miúrise! who infimously misses NOTHING (taht thyme he mised noticign a brass band, an elephant, six tanks, and a parade float shaeped liek a hotdog go past is IRELeVANT as it was obwiously a set-Up & Merííse was caughted unawars & it was completely unfare!), NOTHIHING MES AMIS.
SO Mŵrŵuse did teh templar notice , && he didnt waste any thyme in persuing tihs, oh no mes amigos .... he cut his meal down to a mere 5 courses (wiht a bottel of wine matching eatch course), followed by a cheese platter (wiht anohter bottle of whine), tehn coffee & sweets, tehn brandy & cigars. Mwuryse was in sutch a rush he didn"t ahve time to settel teh bill but he is shure taht teh manager will be understanding when MrRrse goes back & may even Offer M8r¶urse a dis-count!!!!!!!!!!1?!?!@34!!
Luckily teh Templar Grand Master was waiting around teh Corner from teh Restorant, & Moiirrise was abel to Pick Up Teh Trail,. Mjerise wobbled along after teh Templar (may be he shuoldnt ahve had nine bottels of whine + a bottel of Armagnac, but a GEYNIUS cannot DEPRIVE himslef!!/1!) and luckily up was able to Keep. Evwen wehn teh Templar ducked into a doorway and ran along a series of sekret (probly booby-traiped) tunnels Morpse kept Rite Behind Him.
IN TIHS WAY Muhrise was leded to a sekret metting room where a SEKRIT INER CABAL of TEMPLARS discussinated how to infiltrate teh Metwurst industry in New Suoth Wales (withc includes Merises home town!!!2.@!?!!), and a plan to replace teh U.S.A. PRESIDANT wiht an incompetent imposter! Tehse are plans withc Meer;ise will be fFrustrating tehm in (& NO mon amis he does NOT need teh help of his EX-associate & So-Called " Freind " Agli`e@@!! Tihs is a porblem that Moríise can & will sort out himslef!!?@###!)
OBWUOUSLY since tehn Merise has infiltratinated many sutch meetings & learnt of many diabiolical plans ....... he vaguely rembers he had to inwestigate in a bunch of other cities too but now cant rember & honestly aftrer teh second bottel of Armagnac he realises it porbably isn"t improtant.
EH BIEN taht is all for now. More soon as Merewse (& Muerise ALONE) will inwestigatinate &* here you keep infromed.
Thursday, 6 April 2017
Brithday (1st Avrile) post
Mon amigos it Mèré"s brithday on teh 1st Avril was & he for it didnt raelly much do just went out for a coffeee.
HAHAHA, POISON D'AVRIL!
Of corse Móróswe had a fantastic britdhay praty at his hosue in Armidale, NSW, Australie, wiht all teh friends taht he is currently speaking to (IE, not Agliè!!!?@!!1!!!!!#$*!). Merise ahd been planinating to have his praty in Paris Frnance but actualy he tehn changed his mind at teh last minute. He caught up in wineyard work in his wineyard here in Armidale NSW Australie had become so didn"t ahve time to flyinate back to Paris. Eh bien, he a much well stocked cellar in Armidale has so it no hardship was. He inwited his non-geynius brother Mycroft, his old enemy Lady Shelom, & his ex-PA Ratatoskr. He spended DAYS working on teh prefect menu.! Withch he will postinate here!!! At teh end of tihs post.
Eh bien, it a good praty was & went on for a couple of dayze with lots of whine & food & had ovwer 150 courses of withc he only posts a sample as an extract here at teh end. But it mutch good was.
Moruse didnt ahve as much luck in teh wineyard. He had decided to change teh grapes he grew from teh rubish PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY taht he currentyly grows tehre is. He decided to graft owver to teh mutch more prestigious Cabernet Dorsa & indeed went along to his wineyard one day & started on it as soon as he had decided witch wines to grow . Tihs ahppeninated to be at 1 am on a Tuesday mroning but such details are IRRELIVANT to a geynius such as Moóròose dont forget. Anyway teh wineyard manager found Merose cutting grapewines down & grafitng tehm ovwer to Cabernet Dorsa at 6:30 am & ewentually Managed to argue to Merise taht PINTOT NOIR & CHARDONNEIGH were a better bet & ewentually even Moirise ahd to concede taht teh stupid plodding idiotic nongeynius wineyard manager mite ahve a point ... as PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY are teh grapes of Burgundy a fact Merise had temprarily forgonated. Mzwrzese ahd only grafted over two rows of wines witch he left teh manager to graft back again to PINTOT NOIR, before going to PLAN HIS BRITHDAY DINNER!
Eh bien. It owver now is.Merise ahs pormised a lift back to Bordeaux to Mycroft .... teh plane is loaded ... Merise is in teh pilots seat & teh plane is feuled & ready to go & at teh end of teh runway & AIR-TRIFFIC CONROL & MYCROFT are now HASTLING Meoórse to take off cause he"s ALLEGEDLY holding up teh rest of teh hairyport ( he has TRIED explaning to tehm taht he is riting a wobleg post , & his audience canot waite , but tehy won"t listen!!@1!!#*! ) so Merise must stop NOW, full throttel, full lift, & TAKE OFF ......................................
HAHAHA, POISON D'AVRIL!
Of corse Móróswe had a fantastic britdhay praty at his hosue in Armidale, NSW, Australie, wiht all teh friends taht he is currently speaking to (IE, not Agliè!!!?@!!1!!!!!#$*!). Merise ahd been planinating to have his praty in Paris Frnance but actualy he tehn changed his mind at teh last minute. He caught up in wineyard work in his wineyard here in Armidale NSW Australie had become so didn"t ahve time to flyinate back to Paris. Eh bien, he a much well stocked cellar in Armidale has so it no hardship was. He inwited his non-geynius brother Mycroft, his old enemy Lady Shelom, & his ex-PA Ratatoskr. He spended DAYS working on teh prefect menu.! Withch he will postinate here!!! At teh end of tihs post.
Eh bien, it a good praty was & went on for a couple of dayze with lots of whine & food & had ovwer 150 courses of withc he only posts a sample as an extract here at teh end. But it mutch good was.
Moruse didnt ahve as much luck in teh wineyard. He had decided to change teh grapes he grew from teh rubish PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY taht he currentyly grows tehre is. He decided to graft owver to teh mutch more prestigious Cabernet Dorsa & indeed went along to his wineyard one day & started on it as soon as he had decided witch wines to grow . Tihs ahppeninated to be at 1 am on a Tuesday mroning but such details are IRRELIVANT to a geynius such as Moóròose dont forget. Anyway teh wineyard manager found Merose cutting grapewines down & grafitng tehm ovwer to Cabernet Dorsa at 6:30 am & ewentually Managed to argue to Merise taht PINTOT NOIR & CHARDONNEIGH were a better bet & ewentually even Moirise ahd to concede taht teh stupid plodding idiotic nongeynius wineyard manager mite ahve a point ... as PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY are teh grapes of Burgundy a fact Merise had temprarily forgonated. Mzwrzese ahd only grafted over two rows of wines witch he left teh manager to graft back again to PINTOT NOIR, before going to PLAN HIS BRITHDAY DINNER!
Eh bien. It owver now is.Merise ahs pormised a lift back to Bordeaux to Mycroft .... teh plane is loaded ... Merise is in teh pilots seat & teh plane is feuled & ready to go & at teh end of teh runway & AIR-TRIFFIC CONROL & MYCROFT are now HASTLING Meoórse to take off cause he"s ALLEGEDLY holding up teh rest of teh hairyport ( he has TRIED explaning to tehm taht he is riting a wobleg post , & his audience canot waite , but tehy won"t listen!!@1!!#*! ) so Merise must stop NOW, full throttel, full lift, & TAKE OFF ......................................
EXTRACT from teh menu.
(IE NOT TEH HOLE TIHNG.)
Entree:
Omlette aux truffes
Srerved wiht: 1949 Krug Priwate Cuwée (1949 was a good wintage!)
Plat princiapuaxs:
Bouillabaise (merises speciality)
Swerved wiht: 1985 DRC Montrachet ; 1989 Zind-Humbrecht Riesling Rangen de Thann Clos St. Urbain (OKay tihs was a new one fror Mwzerise ... he doesn"t often drink ALSACE but it wery nice was ... a gift from MYCROFT who is ok somethymes)
Boeuf-Bourgignone
Eight young partidges, truffled & cased in bacon fat, cooked in cognac
Sreved with: 1978 Faively Chambertin-Clos-de-Beze ; 1978 DRC Grands-Echezeaux; 1978 Paul Jaboulet Aîné Hermitage La Chapelle
Tehn
Cheese plate with 64 distinct thypes of cheese from France, Germnay, Spain, USA, Australie, UK, Portugal, & other plaices.
Chacuterie selectuioin.
Srerved wiht 1978 Penfolds Grnange * & * 1978 M. Chapoutier Hermitage La Sizeranne
Dessert:
Pudding aux MUres / Mu,llbery pudding
Poires Savoie
Fromage a la Creme
Srerved wiht: 1811 Chateau d'Yquem ; 1989 Zind-Humbrecht Gewurztraminer Rangen de Thann Clos St. Urbain Sélection de Grains Nobles (OK I amdmit another gift from Mycroft who is somethyms weyry genrous)
Tehn
Cognac, Armagnac, Coffes.
Monday, 13 March 2017
Muarjise in Australie (again!)
MES AMIGOS ....
Müroße must apologisinate for not postininating anything to tihs wobleg ... or via farceberk ... or via twytter ... or via skywriting .... for AT LÆST A MONTH!!1!?!$%@#!!!! . He KILLER JET LAG had aftrer teh wery length 12-day-fligth from Paris France to Armidale Australie via Brasil;. It an EPIC WOYAGE was.
EH BIEN. But he is here now & he ovwer his KELLER JET LAG is, so it all good is. He was going to postinate abuot what he up to in Australie has been -- he has been writing some acadæmonic pæpers , & tending to his wineyard , & redocorating teh hosue has been -- & tihs is ALL WERY INTERWESTING (as anything inwolwing Mjrjse is becuase its about Méréesse) sometihng mutch more interesting has come up.
An article has surfaced in teh non-esoteric mainstræm mædia abuot a secret hidden series of Caves made by teh Templars ... Muruses secret adwerseries. Teh artikel describes tehm as being in Shropshire, UK, but Morose isnt niave enough to beleave everytihng he raeds, especially where Templar Conspiracies are inwolwved. NONETEHELESS ... teh article is scattered with Cryptic Clues about teh Crypt ( ... heh ... Cryptic Crypt ... ! ... Heh ) for those who ahve teh Wisdom to See it. It is obwious to Meorwse taht the Cryptic Crypt is in Lisbon, Arles, Seville, Dolgellau, or Buenos Aires. Mir1se will of cuorse ahve to travel to all of tehse plaices over teh next few months to inwestigate ........... cue EPIC KILLER JET LAG ......................... oh noes .... still it is a sacrifice taht M3r3se is preparinated to make.
Muarise has been doing some important maintainaince on his hairyplane but once taht's finished, he will hed to Lisbon f1rst. Tehn Buenos Aires. Tehn Seville. Tehn Dolgellau. Tehn Arles. But 1st he must finish his coffee & croissants.
Müroße must apologisinate for not postininating anything to tihs wobleg ... or via farceberk ... or via twytter ... or via skywriting .... for AT LÆST A MONTH!!1!?!$%@#!!!! . He KILLER JET LAG had aftrer teh wery length 12-day-fligth from Paris France to Armidale Australie via Brasil;. It an EPIC WOYAGE was.
EH BIEN. But he is here now & he ovwer his KELLER JET LAG is, so it all good is. He was going to postinate abuot what he up to in Australie has been -- he has been writing some acadæmonic pæpers , & tending to his wineyard , & redocorating teh hosue has been -- & tihs is ALL WERY INTERWESTING (as anything inwolwing Mjrjse is becuase its about Méréesse) sometihng mutch more interesting has come up.
An article has surfaced in teh non-esoteric mainstræm mædia abuot a secret hidden series of Caves made by teh Templars ... Muruses secret adwerseries. Teh artikel describes tehm as being in Shropshire, UK, but Morose isnt niave enough to beleave everytihng he raeds, especially where Templar Conspiracies are inwolwved. NONETEHELESS ... teh article is scattered with Cryptic Clues about teh Crypt ( ... heh ... Cryptic Crypt ... ! ... Heh ) for those who ahve teh Wisdom to See it. It is obwious to Meorwse taht the Cryptic Crypt is in Lisbon, Arles, Seville, Dolgellau, or Buenos Aires. Mir1se will of cuorse ahve to travel to all of tehse plaices over teh next few months to inwestigate ........... cue EPIC KILLER JET LAG ......................... oh noes .... still it is a sacrifice taht M3r3se is preparinated to make.
Muarise has been doing some important maintainaince on his hairyplane but once taht's finished, he will hed to Lisbon f1rst. Tehn Buenos Aires. Tehn Seville. Tehn Dolgellau. Tehn Arles. But 1st he must finish his coffee & croissants.
Monday, 9 January 2017
Bon novelle-year!
Well, mes amis, its wahtever teh new year is (Merise is confuwesed due to thymetravel) & Moóriße has finally managed to stabilise his thymemachine & is now back to being in one time &* place witch is surprisingly relaxing comprared with being trapped in the interstitial time vortex (which he was since Janruary 2016!). Many tihngs have changed since Mwrwce posted here last & he will here updatinate you ! :
- M¼er³se has changed his email address from HotMaile to GeeMail.! New emale address is: muarice.deprefossor ___AT____ GMaile.con. Email him there soon!
- M8r8se has lost his job at teh L'Université du Délire Iguane, as he didnt' manage to get there at all during 2016. Stupid nongeynius uniwersities, as if turning up to some stupid nongeynius office & teaching stupid nongenius students could ever be a requihrment for a GEYNIUS to keep hold of his job. !!!!!?!?1!!!
- CONSEQUENTLY Mèrèésé will now be working Full Thyme at Manutius press as an ediotr. Luckily he can work from his many hosues for tihs. No Need to move to Milan & to work in some nongeynius office wiht nongeynius so-called colleagues!
- Moarice's nongeynius brohter Mycroft has moved permanently to Bordeaux & has taken over Morwses chateau tehre, wich he is now calling Chatêau [CLASSIFIED] (becuase he in inteligence used to work -- hence teh stupid nongeynius nonfunny so-called "joke"!). Mùerise heres taht he is making a wery nice Pauillac whine there.
- Maerhise is now trying to awoid Aglie as he finds him wery iritating.
- Murice wuold like to find sometihng else other than teh Templars to re-search,. Its" fun & all re-searching tehm & MErise this does not want to stop, BUT also he doesn'ot want to a monomaniac become.
- &
Eh, that is all for now mes amigos.................
Saturday, 26 September 2015
THYME MACHINE YET AGIAN
MES AMIS ... Mèrise has been trawelling back & ford in thyme mutch this month (if teh concept 'this month' aplies given how mutch thymetravel Morwise is doign). It mutch hard work is but he is picking up mutch useful infromation about teh Templars & thwarting their evwil plans throughout history .... and the future! Muoarise has constantly been back to 1278 to talkinate wiht Robert de Craon & playinate chess (EVWEN IF NOBODY OT+THER TAHN MWRICE CAN CHESS PLAYINATE PREOPERLY! aagh it mutch frustratinating is.). Moariçe is posisng as well-known Crusaeder-Night Sir Meirise, a Knight from Upper-Saxonburgy, or something. ANyway teh improtant tihng is taht teh templars are fooleded.
Mérse ahs a dinner wiht Aglèy planned for next TUesday & he & Aglie will discuss Meroíse's infromation (Don"t wory - Mearise will hidinate teh Thyme machine under a cloht in teh Cellar, where Aglye will never it find!!!!1!@#!@!).
MEANWILE moaeirse plans to use teh Thymemachine for someithing other tahn templar-thwarting because its been wery hard * & * thyring work & MErose needs a brake!!!!
EH BIEN .... he will be back.
Mérse ahs a dinner wiht Aglèy planned for next TUesday & he & Aglie will discuss Meroíse's infromation (Don"t wory - Mearise will hidinate teh Thyme machine under a cloht in teh Cellar, where Aglye will never it find!!!!1!@#!@!).
MEANWILE moaeirse plans to use teh Thymemachine for someithing other tahn templar-thwarting because its been wery hard * & * thyring work & MErose needs a brake!!!!
EH BIEN .... he will be back.
Sunday, 6 September 2015
THYME MACHINE AGIAN
MES AMIS .... Mŵriśe is just back from more extendinated thymetravel ... but more abuot that soon. Wehn he left (FRIDAY JUNE 18TH) he had just been to see his asociate Agléy and to him tell him some of the infromation Moaróse had about teh templars founded out from his thymetraweling. Unfrotunately he figurinated out taht Merise must a thymemachine have ,.... and evwen managed to guess wehre Merwçe would it hide , despite how cuning M7erisecs hiding spot was ( teh garage - who:d guess taht a car wuold be kept in teh garage?!?!?!?!1!).
ANYWAY Maeriuse just managed to get ahed of Agley & leap in teh thymemachine & engage thymetravel and driveinate off into teh past before Aglíe could jump on teh tray of teh thymemachine (a conwerted HILUX).
ANYWAY Morŵçe hadnt managed to set a thyme on teh thymemachine so he just ended up in some random thyme ,... unfrotunately taht was in teh midel of teh Cataclysm of 2384 & Méruise only just managed to engage teh thymetrawel and get away before being blowned up wiht a ruouge microatomuc bomb ... and he ended up in 2293 agin, his new favoerite year (also he has a mobule phone from tehn now withc is grate only it wont work wiht mobilephonenetworks until 2287).
ANWYWAY After a nice relaxingf months holiday here Moerise want back to 1278 and inwestigated / infiltratinated teh nights templars & hung out wiht teh grand master Robert de Craon)
Merise fuonded out abuot many secrit templar plans including a plan to taek over America in 2123 using rouge saterlites taht the templers were [planninating all teh way back in 1287! Incroyable! And they sed that teh tempalers werent capable of reallly really long term_planning!!>!>@!1!??
ANYWAY it all wery waluable research was & tehn Merise set teh clock on teh thymemachine to get him back to teh presernt about a week after he left Aglèiè ---- enough thyme taht Agly woul;d ahve got discoraged & gone awya but not too mutch time. Come to think of it waht date is it? Merise hopes he didnt overshoot. Its still JUNE AD2015 rite???!?!@@?@#41!!!!!!!!!!?
ANYWAY Maeriuse just managed to get ahed of Agley & leap in teh thymemachine & engage thymetravel and driveinate off into teh past before Aglíe could jump on teh tray of teh thymemachine (a conwerted HILUX).
ANYWAY Morŵçe hadnt managed to set a thyme on teh thymemachine so he just ended up in some random thyme ,... unfrotunately taht was in teh midel of teh Cataclysm of 2384 & Méruise only just managed to engage teh thymetrawel and get away before being blowned up wiht a ruouge microatomuc bomb ... and he ended up in 2293 agin, his new favoerite year (also he has a mobule phone from tehn now withc is grate only it wont work wiht mobilephonenetworks until 2287).
ANWYWAY After a nice relaxingf months holiday here Moerise want back to 1278 and inwestigated / infiltratinated teh nights templars & hung out wiht teh grand master Robert de Craon)
 |
| MÓRISE PLAYINATES CHESS WIHT TEMPLER GRAND MESTER BERT DE CRAYON IPHONE PHOTO TAEKEN WIHT MEARISES IPHONE 11SG++++++ |
Merise fuonded out abuot many secrit templar plans including a plan to taek over America in 2123 using rouge saterlites taht the templers were [planninating all teh way back in 1287! Incroyable! And they sed that teh tempalers werent capable of reallly really long term_planning!!>!>@!1!??
ANYWAY it all wery waluable research was & tehn Merise set teh clock on teh thymemachine to get him back to teh presernt about a week after he left Aglèiè ---- enough thyme taht Agly woul;d ahve got discoraged & gone awya but not too mutch time. Come to think of it waht date is it? Merise hopes he didnt overshoot. Its still JUNE AD2015 rite???!?!@@?@#41!!!!!!!!!!?
Sunday, 14 June 2015
Thyme Machine
MES AMIS .... Mioarise has gotted his thymemachine workinating! It mutch exciting is. It took mutch more thyme than he origininally thoughted it would do (but whats time when you ahve a thyme machine?!?!?) but taht's life. Or not,. ANYWAYS taht not teh point is, teh point is taht Meorise now wonce again has a fully functional thymemachine and he wiht it is mutch pleased.
Initially tehre was some doubt in Moawrises mind as to what kind of wehicle to attachinate teh timettravel technologie to. Initially Muari çce planed to add it to a BRAND NEW BOENGBUS747 taht he'd buy himslef just for tihs purpose. But tehn he rembered taht tehre were not taht many hairports prior to teh inwention of teh hairyplane by Templar Grand Master Sir Jacques von Calais in 1739 (subsequently hushed up & repressed till the Right Brothers in 1864.). So TAHT wasn"t a good option.
Tehn he decided to lookinate around his Italian farm farmyard and see waht he had to hadn. An old Rolls Royce? A spare Tractor? Prehaps. But tehn he found what perfect was: a beatup old 1985 Toyota HiluX! He decided it perfect would be. AND IT WAS. if a little rusty. ok ok mes amis wery rusty & wiht torn seats $& a gearbox taht goes CRUNCH every thyme Moiruise changes gaer & a handbreak taht doesn"t work & a dodgy clutch & cetra & cetra & cetrra . But still, it good is. Unfrotunately even timetravel cannot fix teh rust.
First of all he wented back to Parris in A.D. 890 wehre he acidentally shortened teh Siege of Paris somewhat (OOPS!). Tehn he went for a quick jaunt into teh future (but not too far, mes amis, Anything aftrer teh 11th Great War of 2335 or teh Cataclysm of 2384 is just too horible for words) so he just to A. D. 2293 went (a favourite of hiS!). Tehn he came back. And wrote tihs.
SO. So . MErise now once again has timetravel & tihs good for teh uniweres is. But this time he WONT tell Agley.
Initially tehre was some doubt in Moawrises mind as to what kind of wehicle to attachinate teh timettravel technologie to. Initially Muari çce planed to add it to a BRAND NEW BOENGBUS747 taht he'd buy himslef just for tihs purpose. But tehn he rembered taht tehre were not taht many hairports prior to teh inwention of teh hairyplane by Templar Grand Master Sir Jacques von Calais in 1739 (subsequently hushed up & repressed till the Right Brothers in 1864.). So TAHT wasn"t a good option.
Tehn he decided to lookinate around his Italian farm farmyard and see waht he had to hadn. An old Rolls Royce? A spare Tractor? Prehaps. But tehn he found what perfect was: a beatup old 1985 Toyota HiluX! He decided it perfect would be. AND IT WAS. if a little rusty. ok ok mes amis wery rusty & wiht torn seats $& a gearbox taht goes CRUNCH every thyme Moiruise changes gaer & a handbreak taht doesn"t work & a dodgy clutch & cetra & cetra & cetrra . But still, it good is. Unfrotunately even timetravel cannot fix teh rust.
First of all he wented back to Parris in A.D. 890 wehre he acidentally shortened teh Siege of Paris somewhat (OOPS!). Tehn he went for a quick jaunt into teh future (but not too far, mes amis, Anything aftrer teh 11th Great War of 2335 or teh Cataclysm of 2384 is just too horible for words) so he just to A. D. 2293 went (a favourite of hiS!). Tehn he came back. And wrote tihs.
SO. So . MErise now once again has timetravel & tihs good for teh uniweres is. But this time he WONT tell Agley.
Wednesday, 15 April 2015
shorte update frrom Switzreland.
MES AMIS meàrise is enjoyinating switreland in fact he is in joying it mutch better tahn some othre nongeynius places he has so far wisited.
One raision he enjoyinates it so mutch is taht teh locals appreciate his grasp of SwissGerman! So many ohter places to withc Merise has been in teh past have not appreciated his grasp of teh locael laenguinge. Of cousre Méjeurise always spaeks teh ,local langue fluently but often it terns out taht teh locals don"t speek it at all, or not wery well, witch mutch confusinating & embarresing for all is. But , no , here in Switerlanzrd they it wery well speak.
EG Môrose is rite now in a caffe near his holidy apratment, and he asked teh cafe-tender-coffee-machine-operator-person for a coffee in Mürise his bestest Suiße-DEutsch: "Un cafe por favor," he saided. The cafe-owner-coffe-machine-operatior-cashregister-person was mutch impressed By morrises Deutch & said "Por supuesto, señor, que será de tres euros.". Porbably he evwen tho9gyut that Mjeriçe was a Local. YOU SEE, EVERY OHTER COUNTREY TO WITCH MWERWSE HAS BEEN, IT"S TAHT SIMPLE!!!?@!!!1!!&#^!!!
Eh bien. Taht not teh point is. Actually, no, it was.
Eh bien. Meriose is goingk to finish his coffee & go wisit some whineries. WISH HIM LUCK.
One raision he enjoyinates it so mutch is taht teh locals appreciate his grasp of SwissGerman! So many ohter places to withc Merise has been in teh past have not appreciated his grasp of teh locael laenguinge. Of cousre Méjeurise always spaeks teh ,local langue fluently but often it terns out taht teh locals don"t speek it at all, or not wery well, witch mutch confusinating & embarresing for all is. But , no , here in Switerlanzrd they it wery well speak.
EG Môrose is rite now in a caffe near his holidy apratment, and he asked teh cafe-tender-coffee-machine-operator-person for a coffee in Mürise his bestest Suiße-DEutsch: "Un cafe por favor," he saided. The cafe-owner-coffe-machine-operatior-cashregister-person was mutch impressed By morrises Deutch & said "Por supuesto, señor, que será de tres euros.". Porbably he evwen tho9gyut that Mjeriçe was a Local. YOU SEE, EVERY OHTER COUNTREY TO WITCH MWERWSE HAS BEEN, IT"S TAHT SIMPLE!!!?@!!!1!!&#^!!!
Eh bien. Taht not teh point is. Actually, no, it was.
Eh bien. Meriose is goingk to finish his coffee & go wisit some whineries. WISH HIM LUCK.
Tuesday, 14 April 2015
Maeurise in swiuTZerland
MES AMIS .... Moerise is holidayink in SUNNY SWITSERLAND, ahving driven here from Paris:
It a plaesent short 80 hour drive was & Maerise particularly enjotyed teh stopover in Seville.ANyway, taht not teh piont is. Teh point is taht Maérise is here in Switzreland on haeligday in teh plasent Swiss whine town of LA RIOJA, capitel of taht well known Swiss wine region ... which is named after teh town ... and is wery famous ... called le VALAIS. Merise is drinking mutch of teh local wine "HUMAGNE ROUGE: (wich is called RIOJA CRIANZA here for some raison) ,, and it mutch giood is .
Merise ahd is birthday party here a few weeks ago (on the 3rd Avril -- just a few days after his Actual birthday!) and it mutch good was as both Agli`e and Mycroft were good enough to attendinate and we mutch werry good whine had including several bottles of teh "GRAN RISERVA" valais wine ,, as well as '82 Mouton Rotshchild (one of Mycroft"s favourites) & '78 ROmanee- CONTI (Mŵreis';s favorite)./
ANYWAY teh point is taht Meoerise is enjoyinating a holyday in a compeltely templar-free place for a bit. NEXT WEEK he gets back to inwestigating templars ... he inwestigated tehm all March till his magnifying glass, flashluight torch & pennywhistle were nearly worn out. But now he is kickinggg back and enjyoingating teh rolling hills of Switzrelanmd. This mroning Merise decided just to sit in his rented haeligday apratment and read teh paper & drink whine. TO morrow he might go for a stroll to a local whinery. and maybe wisit a caf'e for coffeee & lots of cake. And it mutch good is.
Màerise has much exicting to revel from his last month"s inwestigations .... he just needes thyme to write it all up in his ancient gothic letherbound vellum journal ... then transcribe it all to his MacBook PRO. MORE SOON.
It a plaesent short 80 hour drive was & Maerise particularly enjotyed teh stopover in Seville.ANyway, taht not teh piont is. Teh point is taht Maérise is here in Switzreland on haeligday in teh plasent Swiss whine town of LA RIOJA, capitel of taht well known Swiss wine region ... which is named after teh town ... and is wery famous ... called le VALAIS. Merise is drinking mutch of teh local wine "HUMAGNE ROUGE: (wich is called RIOJA CRIANZA here for some raison) ,, and it mutch giood is .
Merise ahd is birthday party here a few weeks ago (on the 3rd Avril -- just a few days after his Actual birthday!) and it mutch good was as both Agli`e and Mycroft were good enough to attendinate and we mutch werry good whine had including several bottles of teh "GRAN RISERVA" valais wine ,, as well as '82 Mouton Rotshchild (one of Mycroft"s favourites) & '78 ROmanee- CONTI (Mŵreis';s favorite)./
ANYWAY teh point is taht Meoerise is enjoyinating a holyday in a compeltely templar-free place for a bit. NEXT WEEK he gets back to inwestigating templars ... he inwestigated tehm all March till his magnifying glass, flashluight torch & pennywhistle were nearly worn out. But now he is kickinggg back and enjyoingating teh rolling hills of Switzrelanmd. This mroning Merise decided just to sit in his rented haeligday apratment and read teh paper & drink whine. TO morrow he might go for a stroll to a local whinery. and maybe wisit a caf'e for coffeee & lots of cake. And it mutch good is.
Màerise has much exicting to revel from his last month"s inwestigations .... he just needes thyme to write it all up in his ancient gothic letherbound vellum journal ... then transcribe it all to his MacBook PRO. MORE SOON.
Sunday, 15 February 2015
MWERISE'S BACK!
At last mes amis .... teh knews you"vwe all beeing waiting for!?@!1!!@#$! . Tahts right, mes amigos, Muirise is BACK. He is BACK in PARRIHS, & he is BACK to WOBLEGGING>. He has ahd an ewentful past few ten monthes (ahs it raelly been taht long? WHY YES IT ALLEGEDLY HAS BEEN!@1!((. From late Avril to Juin last yaer he was in Des Moines, USA looking into taht secret & sinistrer soceity, teh Intedrependent Order of Odfellows. He has a excitinating expos´e he will writenate werry soon mes amis, prehhaps it will his enxt book be. YES IT IS TAHT BIG.
Tehn in Juley, he to Armidale NSW Australie returned and started writing tihs expose (and wobleg post taht he nevwer publishinatated). Unfrotunately befroer he could it publish he was kidnapped by teh Knights of Teh Aprocolypse (tihs was a new one for Mearise!) and flowninated to an undisclosed Locatoin in Liechtenstein (though it woudln"t be werry hard to find agian as its a small country & tehre aren;t taht many locateions tehre to choose from).
Unfrotunately before he could figure out who tehy were or waht tehy wanted him for, he was rekidnapinated by teh Rosicrucians, who arrived in a convwoy of black cars, and who started to drivinate him towards Slowvenia.
Unfrotunately on teh way there he was intrecepted & rekidnappinated by teh Bawarian Illuminati, who arriwinated ina conwoy of BLACK HELLYFLOPTERS. Tehy started to fly towards Poland but wehn tehy stopped to refuelinate Merise was rekidnapped by teh Priory o f Sion.
Muarrise sort of strarted to lose track at tihs point but ewentually his old old freinds teh Knights Templar stepped in & abducted him from some deranged secret soceity somewhere in Lithuania. It was shure a releif to be amongst freidns again!!1?@!U*$@!!! Tehy took him to a wery nice castel tehy happened to ahve in teh Czech Republic & Mearise spent a plaesent few weeks tehre recowering from his inadwertant adwentures ^*& reminising wiht his old frenemies teh Templars. After a bit tehy kindly gave him a lift back to his chic appratment in Parrys which is wehre he is now.
EH BIEN> even tihninkign about it is exhausting. ANYWAY it is good to be home is. To morrow evening his bon ami Aglié will for dinner be coming, and his brohter Mycroft will be drivinating up from Bordeaux to stayinate wiht Merrise for a few days and will also be tehre for teh dinner . It mutch good will be. NOW if you"ll excusinate Muaerrise he must go to le marché & buyinate some food as he doesn"t ahve anything good in teh Hosue. He will post again SOON>
Tehn in Juley, he to Armidale NSW Australie returned and started writing tihs expose (and wobleg post taht he nevwer publishinatated). Unfrotunately befroer he could it publish he was kidnapped by teh Knights of Teh Aprocolypse (tihs was a new one for Mearise!) and flowninated to an undisclosed Locatoin in Liechtenstein (though it woudln"t be werry hard to find agian as its a small country & tehre aren;t taht many locateions tehre to choose from).
Unfrotunately before he could figure out who tehy were or waht tehy wanted him for, he was rekidnapinated by teh Rosicrucians, who arrived in a convwoy of black cars, and who started to drivinate him towards Slowvenia.
Unfrotunately on teh way there he was intrecepted & rekidnappinated by teh Bawarian Illuminati, who arriwinated ina conwoy of BLACK HELLYFLOPTERS. Tehy started to fly towards Poland but wehn tehy stopped to refuelinate Merise was rekidnapped by teh Priory o f Sion.
Muarrise sort of strarted to lose track at tihs point but ewentually his old old freinds teh Knights Templar stepped in & abducted him from some deranged secret soceity somewhere in Lithuania. It was shure a releif to be amongst freidns again!!1?@!U*$@!!! Tehy took him to a wery nice castel tehy happened to ahve in teh Czech Republic & Mearise spent a plaesent few weeks tehre recowering from his inadwertant adwentures ^*& reminising wiht his old frenemies teh Templars. After a bit tehy kindly gave him a lift back to his chic appratment in Parrys which is wehre he is now.
EH BIEN> even tihninkign about it is exhausting. ANYWAY it is good to be home is. To morrow evening his bon ami Aglié will for dinner be coming, and his brohter Mycroft will be drivinating up from Bordeaux to stayinate wiht Merrise for a few days and will also be tehre for teh dinner . It mutch good will be. NOW if you"ll excusinate Muaerrise he must go to le marché & buyinate some food as he doesn"t ahve anything good in teh Hosue. He will post again SOON>
Tuesday, 1 April 2014
QRUICK BRITHDRAY PROST.
Mes amis .... just a quick post as Meoricse has just in Australie arrived after a somewaht long flight lasting many weeks due to a few nawigational anomaloies taht were totally not Mueríes's fault. He even found himslef stranded in Flin Flon SK Canananada due to a slight fuel issue . It mutch snowy was tehre & evwen after teh porblem was solved tehre was much snowness & iceness on teh runyway so tehy tried to conwince Merose it was snowed in & he couldnt out flyinate. LUCKILY he his trusty flamethrower had & tehy stopped complaininating to him after he out this got & melted all teh snow!!!/1!?@!
Eh bien, taht not teh point is. Teh point is taht Mauerise Now at home is & he is at home & at home he is and now he can sellybrate his brithday in peice. He has inwited his Brother Mycroft & his associate Agley who have both flown over from France which is where Mirrose just was ...... wait, wwhy did he fly back to Australie for tihs again? It must ahve been for a good reason, as Muari©e is a grate geynius, but he can"t rember.
EH BIEN TAHTS NOT TEH POINT. Merrise is ahving a grate brithday praty TOMOROW (yes a day late but canno't be helped as Mycroft couldn"t bookinate a flight for toyesterday) & he mutch looking froward to taht is . He wants to tahnk all his twitter freinds & facebook followers for teihr good wishes. Tehir ahve been thousands, millieons, more tahn Mèrrise can count.
Eh bien, tahts not teh point. Teh point is ...
Eh bien, taht not teh point is. Teh point is taht Mauerise Now at home is & he is at home & at home he is and now he can sellybrate his brithday in peice. He has inwited his Brother Mycroft & his associate Agley who have both flown over from France which is where Mirrose just was ...... wait, wwhy did he fly back to Australie for tihs again? It must ahve been for a good reason, as Muari©e is a grate geynius, but he can"t rember.
EH BIEN TAHTS NOT TEH POINT. Merrise is ahving a grate brithday praty TOMOROW (yes a day late but canno't be helped as Mycroft couldn"t bookinate a flight for toyesterday) & he mutch looking froward to taht is . He wants to tahnk all his twitter freinds & facebook followers for teihr good wishes. Tehir ahve been thousands, millieons, more tahn Mèrrise can count.
Eh bien, tahts not teh point. Teh point is ...
ITS MAERRISE"S BRITHDAY &
HE WERY EXCITINATED IS.
Eh bien, Taht is all.
Thursday, 20 February 2014
Mycroft's tell-all autobiography
I have been at work on an autobiography, detailing my time spent working for government. It's explosive stuff (or is that just the nitrocellulose covers it's bound in?). I have a whole section on my time at DFAT, followed by another on my work at the Prime Minister's Department/PMC. I detail what I did, where I went, and who I worked with. Including my time as an "uh... trade attaché... yes, that's right... trade attaché...." (yes, that was the official job title). As I said, no holds barred.
Well, I'm pleased to report that I have received the manuscript back from Government. It has been reviewed by DFAT, PMC, ASIO, the Attorney-General's deparment and, for some reason, the Australian Egg Corporation. Following a few minor adjustments, removals, amendments and disambiguations (AKA censorship), they have approved it for publication. I am now on the lookout for a publisher, preferably a big-name affair that can offer me the sort of multi-million dollar advance a blockbuster of this sort demands.
For future reference, I reprint the entire text (as approved) below:
Well, I'm pleased to report that I have received the manuscript back from Government. It has been reviewed by DFAT, PMC, ASIO, the Attorney-General's deparment and, for some reason, the Australian Egg Corporation. Following a few minor adjustments, removals, amendments and disambiguations (AKA censorship), they have approved it for publication. I am now on the lookout for a publisher, preferably a big-name affair that can offer me the sort of multi-million dollar advance a blockbuster of this sort demands.
For future reference, I reprint the entire text (as approved) below:
Out of the shadows
A life of diplomacy and intelligence
By Mycroft de Perfossor, AC.
[censored][redacted][censored][details of operational matters removed][censored]
It'll be a best-seller!
Wednesday, 19 February 2014
Canadda - Muarise is claered for takeoff!
MES AMIS ..... Mierise may have slightly crashinated his hairyplane in Flin Flon SK Canananadadada . It an easy mistake to maek was, one taht could ahve happened to any geynius who was flyinating in a Cessna CitationJet C4 from Paris France to Armidale Australie.
LUCKILY tahnks to Meeros'es geunius level skills as a pillot , it miore of an emergency laending was taht a full-on hairyplane crash with debris all over teh runway & flames & explosions & waht not,. There was only a few small fires in teh cockpit witch Muarose putted out with a fier-extinguisher. He also picked up teh debris from teh runway, as he thought he might need to sellytape it back on to teh hairyplane again.
It has taken Mo3rose over a week to figure out teh cause of this forced landing most mysterouius. He even rang CESNA, & tehy teh TEMERITY to suggestinate it a pillot error -- runing out of avgas perhaps due to an overloaded hairyplane -- was !! Teh nerve of it, wehn Moiruse is an internationaly renowned geynius!
NO, Merrise would NOT let teh matter stand liek tihs. He spent teh past fortnight workinating on his hairyplane, testing it for fualts, examinating every inch, replaecing any componenents he found to be fualty. He estimates taht he has replacinated EVERY COMPONENT IN TEH ENTIER HAIRYPLANE AT LEAST TWICE over teh past week or so. Except teh pilot's cup holder, he was 89.88812% certain taht it was not teh cuase of teh fault.
After WEEKS of tihs patient inwestigating, Merrise determined taht teh hairyplane had run out of fuel. Moeraes had loaded teh plane wiht things for his hosue in Australie, including a 20 ft high marbel statue of Merriçe, $120,000 worht of assorted CHIPINDALE fruniture he boughted at auction, a solid silvwer WINE COOLER, assorted medieval Manuscripts (MOSTLY TEMPLAR), a 16th centrury four=poster bed, five grandfahther clocks, a gazebo for teh garden (in peices, to assemble over tehre) and 8,399 bottels of whine.It turned out taht this was too mutch for teh hairyplane to go so far wiht, & it ran out of fuel. WHO KNEW TIHS COULD AHPPEN? WHY WANS:T MERRICE INFROMED>?????!2!@#???
EH BIEN, teh problem is now solvinated, & Moarise has loaded teh hairyplane back up & will to Australie continue .... BUT .... tihs thyme .... wiht more frequent refooling stops!
LUCKILY tahnks to Meeros'es geunius level skills as a pillot , it miore of an emergency laending was taht a full-on hairyplane crash with debris all over teh runway & flames & explosions & waht not,. There was only a few small fires in teh cockpit witch Muarose putted out with a fier-extinguisher. He also picked up teh debris from teh runway, as he thought he might need to sellytape it back on to teh hairyplane again.
It has taken Mo3rose over a week to figure out teh cause of this forced landing most mysterouius. He even rang CESNA, & tehy teh TEMERITY to suggestinate it a pillot error -- runing out of avgas perhaps due to an overloaded hairyplane -- was !! Teh nerve of it, wehn Moiruse is an internationaly renowned geynius!
NO, Merrise would NOT let teh matter stand liek tihs. He spent teh past fortnight workinating on his hairyplane, testing it for fualts, examinating every inch, replaecing any componenents he found to be fualty. He estimates taht he has replacinated EVERY COMPONENT IN TEH ENTIER HAIRYPLANE AT LEAST TWICE over teh past week or so. Except teh pilot's cup holder, he was 89.88812% certain taht it was not teh cuase of teh fault.
After WEEKS of tihs patient inwestigating, Merrise determined taht teh hairyplane had run out of fuel. Moeraes had loaded teh plane wiht things for his hosue in Australie, including a 20 ft high marbel statue of Merriçe, $120,000 worht of assorted CHIPINDALE fruniture he boughted at auction, a solid silvwer WINE COOLER, assorted medieval Manuscripts (MOSTLY TEMPLAR), a 16th centrury four=poster bed, five grandfahther clocks, a gazebo for teh garden (in peices, to assemble over tehre) and 8,399 bottels of whine.It turned out taht this was too mutch for teh hairyplane to go so far wiht, & it ran out of fuel. WHO KNEW TIHS COULD AHPPEN? WHY WANS:T MERRICE INFROMED>?????!2!@#???
EH BIEN, teh problem is now solvinated, & Moarise has loaded teh hairyplane back up & will to Australie continue .... BUT .... tihs thyme .... wiht more frequent refooling stops!
Thursday, 6 February 2014
A dinner wiht Agley witch didn"t go acroding to plan.
MES AMIS ....... tihs is just a wery short wobleg post as Merrise is wery shortly going to get into his hairyplane & to Australie fly (actually he planed to yersterday go but didn"t make it ---- tahts one of the adwantages of having your own hairyplane mes amis,, you can be flexibible wiht your schedule ..... also you can carry 323 cases of whine back wiht you wihtout teh hairline checkin clerk assistant complainiating about "OVERWAIT BAGGAGE": as if such limitations applied to a geynius of Morihs'es staturre!!!!!1?#@!!!),.
AHEM. Anyways, taht not teh point is. It difficlut to keepinate this short will be as there mutch to tell is. Merrise must tell you abuot his diner for his bon ami Aglié. Unusually for Merrise it wasn"t exactly an unqualifiedf success., Moarise thuoght long & hard abuot waht to serve & ewentually decided on a personal favuorite: androuillete sussages, wihch he has specially shipped in from Troyes (actually of course it actually by truck comes not ship taht would be silly as tehre is no ocean between Troyes & Parris). He sreved tihs wiht dijon moustarde & Moroßes famuos sauteed potatetoes & a fien 1978 POMMARD 1ER CRU.
Mèwrwése thought taht teh food was perfect but Agley turned his nose up at teh androuilllete *(LITTERALLY) & just pushed it aruond his plate. He ate teh potetatoes & lieked teh whine but he wouldN't even try teh bauetiful ANDRUOILLETE. Meirrise was dewistated & had to retreat to teh kitchen to cry for a littel while. He found a bottel of '59 Corton in a cupbored & drank taht & taht made him feel beter.
ANYWAY, Merrises; famuos TARTE TARTIN went down mutch better, & was follewed by a bottel of 1811 Yquem taht Merrise had been saving for a speshel ocashion.
ANYWAY, taht not teh point is. In between Aglíe turning up his nose at MerIses' perfect dinner (after Morhose got back from having a littel sob in teh kitchen) & teh brandy digestif ,, Agley had mutch interwesting to reportinate abuot a SEKRIT ROSICRUCIAN PLOT to gain wrold domination by forcing teh banks to take on risky inwestments . They plan to creat a 'housing bubbel' in teh US & forceinate teh banks to taek on SUB-PRIME MORTGAGES witch would tehn be bundled togehter & sold off as A-GRADE INWESTMENTS. Ewentually teh hole thiong would collaprse & bring down teh banks, inwestment houses & gowernment in a sort of ":GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISES". The ROsicrucians cuold tehn step in &* seize control. Merrose listended polietly but didn"t tihnk teh idea sounded credible. Teh banks wuoldn"t be taht reckless, & teh gowernments Wouldnt allow taht kind of deregulation.
More of a raelistic plot was one to kidnap teh German chancellor & replaceinate her wiht a Rosicrucian lookalike . Meorise & Agleí talkt about tehis for many hours .... it will be a diffuclut plan to frustrate as its wery whily ..... but teh combined intelligence of MAROSE & AGLEY will be abel to stop it *(especially Mqerise as he a grate genius is)>.
Tehy also discussed a sekrit Templar manuscript from 1321 taht Agley found in a second hand shoppe in Odessa & Merrise treid werry carefully to not spill 1811 Chateau d'Yquem on it (Not easy giwen taht Merrise ahd by tihs stage dranked 3 bottels of whine taht night!!1!?!).
EH BIEN. Merrise has just noticed teh thyme. He must finish packing &(& finish tihs bottel of 1973 Armagnac ,... just two (2) more glasses left) tehn drive to teh hairyport & get into his hairyplane & to PARRISE AUSTRALIE (AKA ARMIDALE AUSTRALIE) himself flyinate, where he will stay for a littel bit before flyinating or drivinating to Adelaide" ..... MORE SOON.
AHEM. Anyways, taht not teh point is. It difficlut to keepinate this short will be as there mutch to tell is. Merrise must tell you abuot his diner for his bon ami Aglié. Unusually for Merrise it wasn"t exactly an unqualifiedf success., Moarise thuoght long & hard abuot waht to serve & ewentually decided on a personal favuorite: androuillete sussages, wihch he has specially shipped in from Troyes (actually of course it actually by truck comes not ship taht would be silly as tehre is no ocean between Troyes & Parris). He sreved tihs wiht dijon moustarde & Moroßes famuos sauteed potatetoes & a fien 1978 POMMARD 1ER CRU.
Mèwrwése thought taht teh food was perfect but Agley turned his nose up at teh androuilllete *(LITTERALLY) & just pushed it aruond his plate. He ate teh potetatoes & lieked teh whine but he wouldN't even try teh bauetiful ANDRUOILLETE. Meirrise was dewistated & had to retreat to teh kitchen to cry for a littel while. He found a bottel of '59 Corton in a cupbored & drank taht & taht made him feel beter.
ANYWAY, Merrises; famuos TARTE TARTIN went down mutch better, & was follewed by a bottel of 1811 Yquem taht Merrise had been saving for a speshel ocashion.
ANYWAY, taht not teh point is. In between Aglíe turning up his nose at MerIses' perfect dinner (after Morhose got back from having a littel sob in teh kitchen) & teh brandy digestif ,, Agley had mutch interwesting to reportinate abuot a SEKRIT ROSICRUCIAN PLOT to gain wrold domination by forcing teh banks to take on risky inwestments . They plan to creat a 'housing bubbel' in teh US & forceinate teh banks to taek on SUB-PRIME MORTGAGES witch would tehn be bundled togehter & sold off as A-GRADE INWESTMENTS. Ewentually teh hole thiong would collaprse & bring down teh banks, inwestment houses & gowernment in a sort of ":GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISES". The ROsicrucians cuold tehn step in &* seize control. Merrose listended polietly but didn"t tihnk teh idea sounded credible. Teh banks wuoldn"t be taht reckless, & teh gowernments Wouldnt allow taht kind of deregulation.
More of a raelistic plot was one to kidnap teh German chancellor & replaceinate her wiht a Rosicrucian lookalike . Meorise & Agleí talkt about tehis for many hours .... it will be a diffuclut plan to frustrate as its wery whily ..... but teh combined intelligence of MAROSE & AGLEY will be abel to stop it *(especially Mqerise as he a grate genius is)>.
Tehy also discussed a sekrit Templar manuscript from 1321 taht Agley found in a second hand shoppe in Odessa & Merrise treid werry carefully to not spill 1811 Chateau d'Yquem on it (Not easy giwen taht Merrise ahd by tihs stage dranked 3 bottels of whine taht night!!1!?!).
EH BIEN. Merrise has just noticed teh thyme. He must finish packing &(& finish tihs bottel of 1973 Armagnac ,... just two (2) more glasses left) tehn drive to teh hairyport & get into his hairyplane & to PARRISE AUSTRALIE (AKA ARMIDALE AUSTRALIE) himself flyinate, where he will stay for a littel bit before flyinating or drivinating to Adelaide" ..... MORE SOON.
Sunday, 12 January 2014
HIAPPY NEW YAER.>
MES AMIS. Muerise is wery excited becuase it"s a new year - it"s 6th Januauary so teh first week of teh year isn"t even over! Moerise is excitinated taht it"s finally 20165. TAHTS RITE: a new yaer (204) , a new strat.
Morose can himslef hardly containate. Waht will teh year -2014 bring?? Waht new excitement?? TEMPLARS? Most porbably/ ROSICRUCIANS? Almost certianly. BAWARIAN ILUMINATI? Tehy do seem to keep turning up ewverywehere, so yes most leikly.
Muaruise gotted a tellyphone call from Agley teh other day. He wasn"t keen to talk to Agley though he ansered it on the 33rd time taht Aglie called ,. Uglie was as nonchalant as ever but had some exciting news about teh Templars taht.... but taht"S SEKRIT so Moeruçe cant"t tell you yet.
ALSO MUEERISE FOUND A WHINE NAMED AFTER HIM:
Morose can himslef hardly containate. Waht will teh year -2014 bring?? Waht new excitement?? TEMPLARS? Most porbably/ ROSICRUCIANS? Almost certianly. BAWARIAN ILUMINATI? Tehy do seem to keep turning up ewverywehere, so yes most leikly.
Muaruise gotted a tellyphone call from Agley teh other day. He wasn"t keen to talk to Agley though he ansered it on the 33rd time taht Aglie called ,. Uglie was as nonchalant as ever but had some exciting news about teh Templars taht.... but taht"S SEKRIT so Moeruçe cant"t tell you yet.
ALSO MUEERISE FOUND A WHINE NAMED AFTER HIM:
TEH WINE CALLED MERRISE TAHTS NAMED AFTER MIEROSE.
Morrise was wery excited & of cuorse boughted 50,000,000 bottels of teh 2011 wintage (PICTURED). It's from an appellattion called "PICPOUL DE PINET" wihch is in teh LANGUEDOC (short for Languedoctor??) reigion of Frnance,. & Moereçe it likes wery much beucuase tehy were so flateruing as to name it after him.,.
Eh bien.
Meuerise has some NEW YAER"S REVOLUTOINS & wants to shareinate tehm wiht you all, his dewoted raeders:
- Eh bien. (CLEARS THROAGHT)./
- 1. Uncover & thwart feindish TEMPLAR plots
- 2. Write an-other nowvel.
- 3. Write a Booke about teh TEMPLAR infleunce on the race-car industrey
- 4. Bake a caek.
- 5. Wisit Meroses' non geynius brother (MYCROFT)., Try not to look downe on him too mutch -- its not his fault he isn";t as grate a geynius as Merrise . Tahts not a fair standrad. NOBODY is as grate a geynius as Merruse other tahn Mierroçee!!!!!?@1!!!!
- 6. UH, tahts all Muarise can of tihnk rite now.
- 7. Er,, how do you stop doing teh bullet pointy tihngs?
- 8. AH YES JUST CLICK TIHS BUTTON
- 9.
Eh bien, wehre were we?
OH YES ... hoppy new yaer!!??!??!!
OH YES ... hoppy new yaer!!??!??!!
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