Saturday, 29 March 2008

Lost again, mes amis!

Catistrophe! MErrjhyse, he has again found himself lost, this time in the Frozen tundra of the north rather than a desserted tropical island most desserted.

But fist mes amis, how it came to happen. Merrhyse, eh went to the hairport to fly to fly from Riga to Oslo.

Agrandir le plan

Alas, mAwrise, he on the worng flight got. He got on a flight to Tromsø got!

Vis større kart

Alas, when he there arreived he was much distressed and agitated. They did not need to lock Merisse up though, that was an over reaction. I am certain the secuirty guard he will recover, and Maruose only broke a few luggage conveyer belts and some plate glass windows.

When Morise was released, he to the hairport made his way. Alas, eh could not on an hairyplane flight get at such short notice so he for a walk went. Soon, Meruse noticed a Piper and an idea had. He would it steal and fly himself to Oslo! Stealing is wrong of course, but all is excused for a geynius like Merrrryse in the service of his art!@!

Well, MErrhise he got into the lpane and flew southwards for hours and hours. After a while he the plane it out of fuel ran. Alas, he also noticed that he not southwards but north had been going! According to le GPS, merrhise is is 8km out of Nordkapp is.

Vis større kart

Merwuse, he knows not what to do. ALl he can do is wait here and hope he is rescued.

Hmmm... Mewrisse still has his hand luggage, with an iPhone and two satellite phones. Lets se... MErrhise can Just get a GSM signal get... He will try calling Ratatoskr on his iPhone if this it does not work he will on his Stattelite phone try Ratatatosk calling. Maybe Ratatatatosk will help. HE is in Norway, after all.

First though, he must a quick weblog post make on his iPhone. He cannot his public most adoring keep in suspense, after all!

MERRHYSE, blogging LIVE from the site of his PLANE CRASH, near NORDKAPP in NORWAEY!!!@!1!

Sunday, 23 March 2008

Not mentioning the last few radio interveiws

Greetigns mes amis! Another weblog post most magnifique from your old ami Merrhise da Perfossir, and not a moment too late!

Eh bien, Merrhose to the Ukraine got their safe. His stay it was most uneventful, mes amis. He sold three copies of his book most magnifique, and got out of his hotel just before the hotel it explodinated. Merose does not know why this it happened, but he is happy that he was not explodinated!

Then, Ratatatatatatoskr was kind enuogh to fly Mawrice on to Poland where he in Poland arrived early this morning. Mes amis, Merrhyse has in Poland a free day before a radio interview on nAtional radio this evening giving. MEruse hopes that it the interveiw in Croatia will go better than. Mawrruse does not want to the interview in Ukraine even think about Mes Amis.

After this, Mqwrise will to Latvia go. Alas, Ratatatatatatatatatatatosk cannot Meuriose to Latvia fly, Ratatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatoskr had to Norway to go back earlier today. He would not to Meriuse explain why this was.

Still, there is much more of the tour to go, and much excitement and much books to be sold and much money to be made doing so! Mawriusse looks forward to it alll alot!

Dont worry, mes amis, Mawruyse will keep you infromed!

Thursday, 20 March 2008


Greetings from Merhise, mes amis. Meruse is on his way now to Ukraine, for another itnreview and a nother book singning.

Meriçe, he tried to for his radio interview to prepare a lot but alas his Croatian it was still no good.

Still, Mes amis, at least the book singeing it went wery well. You shuold have been their, mon ami! THere were at least six poeple in the audience for Merhise his reading, mes amis.

The Bolivian ambassador to Croatia and his wife they were in attendance and both they both bought of Merißes book copies. Merrise, he is really going up in the wolrd now! He is in the right circles mixing, and their can be no stopping his sucess now! Maybe if he his cards plays right, he might to Bolivia be invvited!

Well, Merrhiçe will soon in Ukraine be arriving. he is being flown their by Ratatosk, who is Marise there flying in le helicopter de Ratatoskr. Meruse he hopes that Ratatoskr a good helicopter pilot is, and does not the melliflopter crash!

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Mistake! Catistrophe!

Alas, Merrhyse has just realised that he in Croatia arrived a day earlie! This, it is not good. It also explains why Maruse, his interview on Craotian radio did not so well go. He was not there expected until this evening mes amis!

Also, he his book singeing in Albania missed. This is most tragique. Mewryse, he heard that well over five thousand people turnedd up to him there see. Eh bien, at least they copies of Mawrises book had -- they sold 11,000 copys of tEh Mouhtwash of the Gods! Merrhyse, he had only 3,000 copies singed in adwancve so many people they were disappointed.

Well, Meruse a book signg in Croatia tomorrow has to lok fowrard to. The book sellr, he told Meriçe that maybe as many as five (5!) poeple might turn up! Things are looking up, mes amis, things are looking up!

Monday, 17 March 2008

Got laptopp compttutor back again!

Mes amis, Merrhyse has his most grateful audience in the dark left for two long. It is not fair on my fans most devoted to be deprived of the wit and wisdom most gracious of Meruse for so long. Eh bien, the wait it is over.

Merise, he on Thursday left Rome to to Greece to travel. Alas, when he there got he went to his bag to his laptop comptutur new get out. Alas! It was there not. THere was a chameleon disguised as Merrhiçe's laptop most beauitful. This sniggered, and scuttled off and hid.

Luckily, Mariße was able to ring mon ami M Garamond, who was able to get the hotel which in ROme Merhase had staide in to the laptop FedEx ahead. It got to Croatia ahead of Merrhyse.

Mierrhiçe, he had an radio interview today in Croatia but that did not go well as Mirose he does not Croatian speak. HE is now in his hotel room. He would share a description of his view from the window or even a photo with his readers most devoted but alas Merrose cannot as it dark outside is.

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

En route to Rome

Well mes amis the book luanch at Milan went better than Merhyse had worried. Mawruse, he had worrie d that no one would to his book luanch most amazing want to come. But there was three, maybe even four people there! It was most incredible, the atmosphere it was electric as M Garamond introduced the Greatest Geynius, Dr Maurose de Parfosser.

When I my reading gave, the crowd was completley silent, mes amis, hanging on every word of Merise. They adored me, mon ami, they adored me! At least fifty per cent of the crowd came up afterwards to buy copies of the book ,and get tehm signed by Mewrrisse.

YOu may rememer Maurise had his suitcase in Paris left behind when he mistook a chameleon for his suit case. Well, mes amis, Merrhyse was able to much beutiufl clothes in Milan buy to replace the ones he has in Paryse forgotten. You should have seen him in Manutius's office! Merrhyse was the epitome of elegience.

The only thing which makes Meriçe sad now is that he the Leaning Tower did not in Milan find. Merrhyse, he would have so liked to visit this well known land mark! Maybe next time he will find it and get to visit it finally.

Eh bien, it is over now. MEs amis, I am on my way to Merrhises next signing, which this one is in Rome. Look forward to seeing you all there mes amis!

From MAWRYSE, blogging LIVE on the TRAINE to RHOME!

Sunday, 9 March 2008

Site seeing, at the Leaning Towerr

Mes amis Merrhyçe is having a day around Milan looking It is sightseeing most beautiful, in this city so scenic. Mœrysse, he is taken a break to sit down and a coffeee drink, and decided he must use his iPhone to post another entry to his readership most devoted on his weblog most magnifique.

Mon ami I am trying to find the cities landmark most famouss, the Leaning Tower but Merwhyse he can find it not. He M. Garamdond tried to ask where it is but he became much agitated and would not Merrhyse tell. It would Merrhises day most perfect make if he could it see, but alas he can it find not.

Maybe this pigeon will know where it is. Meirhyße will ask it.

Arrrived in Florence

Greetings mes amis from Mwerrhyse, currently blogging live in his hotel most splendide to which he has arrived in the city most lovely of Milan. Tomorrow, Marise he will luanch his new book The Mthwash of the Gods at the Milan offices of his publisher new, Manutius.

My publisher new, M. Garamond, is most kind. He has ordered the food and drnik for the partrty most splendide he has planned. He said he will me the bill send later.

Mes amis, the trip it has not been with out incident though. Merrhyse all his stuff packed into two bags -- a large bag for clothes and books, and a bag much smaller for carry on to plane. When he got to Milan, he the other bag realised was not right. The scaly texture, it was not just the wondeful luxury vinyl effect. Also, the bag it sniggered. It was that chameleon again! The real bag de Maurise is still in Paris. This got Merrhyse most upset and agitated. Still, the hairport security persons were most overreacting when Merrise just a few chairs, tables and windows and the luggage conveyor belt broke. They did not their guns have to pull on Merrhyse. Also they should not have got so upset when he merely tried to grab their guns and hit them repeatedly with their guns. What is wrong with that?

Still, this did not Merrhyse his baggage regain. So Mawrhyse had to go buy more expesnive good clothes for his book launch. He must for this look most splendid.

What Meruçe had in his carry on bag:
- A new MacBook computer
- His Apple iPhone
- HIs satellite telephones
- A copy of Foucault's Pendulum by Umbarto Eko
- A camerra digital
- A new calculator he himself bought, to calculate all the money Mewryçe will be on this tour making
- A fountaien pen

The MacBook, it is confusing. Even though Merryse in Parrhyse bought it, the software it is all in Breton. Merise cannot it understand. If it were in English or Franch he could it understand. But he cannot Breton understand!

Mawrhyse, he tried to change the language to Englsih. But the computer, it said "I'm sorry Dave, I can't let you do that." My name, it is not Dave! And for some raison I wanted to the computer ask to open the Pod Bay Doors. I know not even what these are! It is most mysterios, mon ami. Most mysteriious.

Mes amis, you should all lok forward to the book luanch tomorrow. Merrhyse, he cannott wait for this event most historique. It is a momentous event! I will see you all there mes amis!

From MAURYSE, blogging LIVE in MILANN!!

Friday, 7 March 2008

Maurice's schedule for the Book Signing Tour

Bonjour mes amis...

Fooled you, eh? Bet you thought that was Maurice. Not, it's me Ratatoskr!

Well, Maurice is OFF and on his grand tour of Europe now. He wanted me to let you all know his schedule. Here it is, folks:

From: Claudio Garamond []
To: Ratatoskr []
CC: Maurice de Perfossor
Subject: Maurice's schedule for the Book Signing Tour

Ratatoskr (and Maurice),

Here is the schedule for Maurice. This is as agreed on the phone with Maurice last week.

Fri 7 Mar 08:35 Fly EasyJet from Paris to Milan.
Mon 8 Mar 11:00 Meet myself at Manutius's offices. Then lunch
Mon 8 Mar 14:00 Book launch, reading and signing at Manutius' office.
Tue 9 Mar Travel to Rome
Wed 10 Mar Signing at Bookstore 'Credulone' in Rome at 10:00
Thu 11 Mar Travel to Greece
Thu 11 Mar Interview on 'Aristophanes Radio' at 18:00
Fri 12 Mar Signing at Bookstore 'Medea' in Athens at 10:32
Sat 13 Mar Free day in Athens
Sun 14 Mar Travel to Albania
Mon 15 Mar Signing at 'American Books' in Tirana at 14:00
Tue 16 Mar Travel to Croatia
Tue 16 Mar Interview on Croatian national radio at 20:00
Wed 17 Mar Signing at 'Not Really American Books' in Zagreb at 13:00
Thu 18 Mar Travel to Ukraine
Fri 19 Mar Interview on local radio at 08:00, Ukraine
Fri 19 Mar Signing at 'Borders Books' 14:00, Kiev
Sat 20 Mar Travel to Poland
Sun 21 Mar Free day in Poland
Sun 21 Mar Interview on national radio, Poland, at 22:00
Mon 22 Mar Book signing in Krakow Books, Warsaw
Tue 23 Mar Book singing in Warsaw Books, Krakow
Wed 24 Mar Travel to Latvia
Thu 25 Mar Book signing at 'Lost Books', Riga at 11:00
Fri 26 Mar Travel to Norway
Fri 26 Mar Interview on Radio Odin at 22:00.
Sat 27 Mar Signing at Thor Books in Oslo at 09:00
Sat 27 Mar Singing at Wodin Books in Bodø at 16:00
Sun 28 Mar Free day in Oslo
Mon 29 Mar Travel to Germany
Mon 29 Mar Intreview on Radio Schweinhund at 22:20
Tue 30 Mar Signing at Analphabetin Bücher in Hamburg at 11:00
Wed 31 Mar Signing at English Books in Munich (Bavaria) at 14:00
Thu 1 Apr Travel to Switzerland
Thu 1 Apr Interview on Schweizer Radio at 20:00
Fri 2 Apr Book singing at Schwachsinnige Bücher in Geneva at 11:00
Sat 3 Apr Free day in Geneva
Sun 3 Apr Free day in Geneva
Mon 4 Apr Travel to UK
Tue 5 Apr Interview on BBC Radio 4
Wed 6 Apr Signing at Why Books in Milton Keynes at 13:00
Thu 7 Apr Signing at Why Not Books, London SE30
Fri 8 Apr Return to France
Sat 9 Apr Interview on French radio at 11:00
Sat 9 Apr Signing at cafe on Rue Mouffetard, Paris
Sun 10 Apr Return to country house near Armidale, France for well earned rest!



Well, Maurice is gonna be one busy little bee for the next few weeks... Remember folks, plan your holidays so you're not in the same country as he is. If he's coming to your country, go away for a few days! Its worth it. Oh boy is it worth it!

Yours squirrelishly

Thursday, 6 March 2008


Mes amis, Merrhyse has with his good freind Ratatosk been trying to catch up for the past month. For one thing, Mawryse wants to Ratatosk tell of his escape most dramatic from his island prison. But alas, mes amis, marreyse cannot him reach by teléfone.

Maybe he has his telephone mobile lost, or maybe he cannot at Yggsdrasil GSM reception get. In any case, mes amis, if any of you happen to with Ratatosk talk, please to let him know his good ami Mawruse is trying to him contact would you?

Merci, from Mäurise.

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Mouthwash of the Gods: Freee Preview!!!

Today, Mawryse offters his loyal raeders a preview of his book most wondeful. Mon ami Sarkozy had kindly agreed to write the introductiion. Here, mes amis, is his gripping and complementary introduction:

From: "Nicholas Sarkozy" [nsarkozy@sarko.pré]
To: "Maurice de Perfossor"
Subject: RE: Introduction for Teh Mothwrinse of the Gods

Who is this Maurice character? Why does he think I am going to write an introduction for some stupid book written by some hopeless nonentity? Get real. I'm president. I've got better stuff to do than write stupid introductions for people I don't even know.

I'm not interrupting my honey moon for anyone!


M. Nicholas Sarkozy
President, Montmartre Bowling Club
President, The Republic of France

Ah, my good friend Sarko. As ever, he too kind is.

Monday, 3 March 2008

Book luanch, mes amis!

Mes amis, I can the excitement stand no longer! The greatest book ever by the greatest genius ever will be launched early next week. Yes, mes amis, it is true. Next week The Mouthwash of teh Gods will be launched by Mawrises' publishers new, Mantius of Milan. My publisher new, M. Garamond has assured me that in this launch most magnifique no money will be spared. Mon ami, it iwill be a knight to remember!

Mes amis, Merrhyse must admit it all costs a lot. He wonders how these authors most famous, these best sellers like Steven King and Jeffrey archer must manage. It must be expensive for them, to their publishers to so many copies of their books convince to print.

Well, Merryse had to celebrate this! So he went to a concert most beautifil, of Music by J.M.W. Turner, that English composer most famous. It was a concert most beautiful, mes amis, and Merrhyse enjoyed it much!

When he to his apartment got back, he a suprise got. I just on my Louis XIV seat sat down, and then I to stand up again instantly had to! Their was a chameleon camoflagued on the seat de Marise. Well, this was quite a shock. Mowryse, he did not know chameleons could camolflage themselves as Louis XIV chair covers. The chameleon, it sniggered at me.

Well, this Mawrhuse got very upset. Mawrhyse, he had to make a cofffee to his nerves calm. He switched on the espresso machine, and went to pick up an espresso glass. It felt oddly scaly. The glass sniggered. Secre bleu! It was that chameleon most infernal again. That chameleon, it is most annoying. I know not even how it into Mewriçe's apartment most beautiful it got.

Ah well, mes amis, Merrhise is still calm and happy. Next week, he will on a tour embark to launch the book around Erope. Look for his signings and readings at book stores near you, mon ami! Soon, hopefully Meryse will also tour America and Asutralia to his book promote also. Mes amsi, keep an eye on Mirrhses' blog magnifique. He will you keep informed!

Now, Merrhise will relax and have a read. The book, why is it scaly. And sniggering...