Saturday, 13 May 2017

From Aregenetina

MON AMIGOS .... Mèrèhse is in Argentina in his Apratment in Buenos-Aires & he doing mutch sekret Templar inwestigations is ........ tihs is why he hasn"t been able to blogginate, honest mes amigos, not bcecuase he has teh entire thyme been drinking & eating & enjoyinating himslef!!1!! Well, he has that been doing, but he does not let it detract from or to get in teh way of his GRATE WORK.

Eh bien, finally Mqwrose can start to tell you about his work here!!1!!>@!?! The second day he was here, he was at his favuorite restraunt waiting for dinner -- he was just ahving a nice littel " aperitif " , just starting on to his third (3rd) bottel of '52 Krug wehn he saw teh TEMPLAR GRAND MASTRER   try to sneek past un-noticed. Past Miúrise! who infimously misses NOTHING (taht thyme he mised noticign a brass band, an elephant, six tanks, and a parade float shaeped liek a hotdog go past is IRELeVANT as it was obwiously a set-Up & Merííse was caughted unawars & it was completely unfare!), NOTHIHING MES AMIS.

SO Mŵrŵuse did teh templar notice , && he didnt waste any thyme in persuing tihs, oh no mes amigos .... he cut his meal down to a mere 5 courses (wiht a bottel of wine matching eatch course), followed by a cheese platter (wiht anohter bottle of whine), tehn coffee & sweets, tehn brandy & cigars. Mwuryse was in sutch a rush he didn"t ahve time to settel teh bill but he is shure taht teh manager will be understanding when MrRrse goes back & may even Offer M8r¶urse a dis-count!!!!!!!!!!1?!?!@34!!

Luckily teh Templar Grand Master was waiting around teh Corner from teh Restorant, & Moiirrise was abel to Pick Up Teh Trail,. Mjerise wobbled along after teh Templar (may be he shuoldnt ahve had nine bottels of whine + a bottel of Armagnac, but a GEYNIUS cannot DEPRIVE himslef!!/1!) and luckily up was able to Keep. Evwen wehn teh Templar ducked into a doorway and ran along a series of sekret (probly booby-traiped) tunnels Morpse kept Rite Behind Him.

IN TIHS WAY Muhrise was leded to a sekret metting room where a SEKRIT INER CABAL of TEMPLARS discussinated how to infiltrate teh Metwurst industry in New Suoth Wales (withc includes Merises home town!!!2.@!?!!), and a plan to replace teh U.S.A. PRESIDANT wiht an incompetent imposter! Tehse are plans withc Meer;ise will be fFrustrating tehm in (& NO mon amis he does NOT need teh help of his EX-associate & So-Called " Freind " Agli`e@@!! Tihs is a porblem that Moríise can & will sort out himslef!!?@###!)

OBWUOUSLY since tehn Merise has infiltratinated many sutch meetings & learnt of many diabiolical plans ....... he vaguely rembers he had to inwestigate in a bunch of other cities too but now cant rember & honestly aftrer teh second bottel of Armagnac he realises it porbably isn"t improtant.

EH BIEN taht is all for now. More soon as Merewse (& Muerise ALONE) will inwestigatinate &* here you keep infromed.

Thursday, 6 April 2017

Brithday (1st Avrile) post

Mon amigos it Mèré"s brithday on teh 1st Avril was & he for it didnt raelly much do just went out for a coffeee.


Of corse Móróswe had a fantastic britdhay praty at his hosue in Armidale, NSW, Australie, wiht all teh friends taht he is currently speaking to (IE, not Agliè!!!?@!!1!!!!!#$*!). Merise ahd been planinating to have his praty in Paris Frnance but actualy he tehn changed his mind at teh last minute. He caught up in wineyard work in his wineyard here in Armidale NSW Australie had become so didn"t ahve time to flyinate back to Paris. Eh bien, he a much well stocked cellar in Armidale has so it no hardship was. He inwited his non-geynius brother Mycroft, his old enemy Lady Shelom, & his ex-PA Ratatoskr. He spended DAYS working on teh prefect menu.! Withch he will postinate here!!! At teh end of tihs post.

Eh bien, it a good praty was & went on for a couple of dayze with lots of whine & food & had ovwer 150 courses of withc he only posts a sample as an extract here at teh end. But it mutch good was.

Moruse didnt ahve as much luck in teh wineyard. He had decided to change teh grapes he grew from teh rubish PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY taht he currentyly grows tehre is. He decided to graft owver to teh mutch more prestigious Cabernet Dorsa & indeed went along to his wineyard one day & started on it as soon as he had decided witch wines to grow . Tihs ahppeninated to be at 1 am on a Tuesday mroning but such details are IRRELIVANT to a geynius such as Moóròose dont forget. Anyway teh wineyard manager found Merose cutting grapewines down & grafitng tehm ovwer to Cabernet Dorsa at 6:30 am & ewentually Managed to argue to Merise taht PINTOT NOIR & CHARDONNEIGH were a better bet & ewentually even Moirise ahd to concede taht teh stupid plodding idiotic nongeynius wineyard manager mite ahve a point ... as PINOT NOIR & CHARDONAY are teh grapes of Burgundy a fact Merise had temprarily forgonated. Mzwrzese ahd only grafted over two rows of wines witch he left teh manager to graft back again to PINTOT NOIR, before going to PLAN HIS BRITHDAY DINNER!

Eh bien. It owver now is.Merise ahs pormised a lift back to Bordeaux to Mycroft .... teh plane is loaded ... Merise is in teh pilots seat & teh plane is feuled & ready to go & at teh end of teh runway & AIR-TRIFFIC CONROL & MYCROFT are now HASTLING Meoórse to take off cause he"s ALLEGEDLY holding up teh rest of teh hairyport ( he has TRIED explaning to tehm taht he is riting a wobleg post , & his audience canot waite , but tehy won"t listen!!@1!!#*! ) so Merise must stop NOW, full throttel, full lift, & TAKE OFF ......................................

EXTRACT from teh menu.
Omlette aux truffes
Srerved wiht: 1949 Krug Priwate Cuwée (1949 was a good wintage!)

Plat princiapuaxs
Bouillabaise (merises speciality)
Swerved wiht: 1985 DRC Montrachet 1989 Zind-Humbrecht Riesling Rangen de Thann Clos St. Urbain (OKay tihs was a new one fror Mwzerise ... he doesn"t often drink ALSACE but it wery nice was ... a gift from MYCROFT who is ok somethymes)


Eight young partidges, truffled & cased in bacon fat, cooked in cognac

Cheese plate with 64 distinct thypes of cheese from France, Germnay, Spain, USA, Australie, UK, Portugal, &  other plaices.
Chacuterie selectuioin.

Pudding aux MUres / Mu,llbery pudding
Poires Savoie
Fromage a la Creme
Srerved wiht: 1811 Chateau d'Yquem1989 Zind-Humbrecht Gewurztraminer Rangen de Thann Clos St. Urbain Sélection de Grains Nobles (OK I amdmit another gift from Mycroft who is somethyms weyry genrous)

Cognac, Armagnac, Coffes.

Monday, 13 March 2017

Muarjise in Australie (again!)


Müroße must apologisinate for not postininating anything  to tihs wobleg ... or via farceberk ... or via twytter ... or via skywriting .... for AT LÆST A MONTH!!1!?!$%@#!!!! . He KILLER JET LAG had aftrer teh wery length 12-day-fligth from Paris France to Armidale Australie via Brasil;. It an EPIC WOYAGE was.

EH BIEN. But he is here now & he ovwer his KELLER JET LAG is, so it all good is. He was going to postinate abuot what he up to in Australie has been -- he has been writing some acadæmonic pæpers , & tending to his wineyard , & redocorating teh hosue has been -- & tihs is ALL WERY INTERWESTING (as anything inwolwing Mjrjse is becuase its about Méréesse) sometihng mutch more interesting has come up.

An article has surfaced in teh non-esoteric mainstræm mædia abuot a secret hidden series of Caves made by teh Templars ... Muruses secret adwerseries. Teh artikel describes tehm as being in Shropshire, UK, but Morose isnt niave enough to beleave everytihng he raeds, especially where Templar Conspiracies are inwolwved. NONETEHELESS ... teh article is scattered with Cryptic Clues about teh Crypt ( ... heh ... Cryptic Crypt ... ! ... Heh ) for those who ahve teh Wisdom to See  it. It is obwious to Meorwse taht the Cryptic Crypt is in Lisbon, Arles, Seville, Dolgellau, or Buenos Aires. Mir1se will of cuorse ahve to travel to all of tehse plaices over teh next few months to inwestigate ........... cue EPIC KILLER JET LAG ......................... oh noes .... still it is a sacrifice taht M3r3se is preparinated to make.

Muarise has been doing some important maintainaince on his hairyplane but once taht's finished, he will hed to Lisbon f1rst. Tehn Buenos Aires. Tehn Seville. Tehn Dolgellau. Tehn Arles. But 1st he must finish his coffee & croissants.

Monday, 9 January 2017

Bon novelle-year!

Well, mes amis, its wahtever teh new year is (Merise is confuwesed due to thymetravel) & Moóriße has finally managed to stabilise his thymemachine & is now back to being in one time &* place witch is surprisingly relaxing comprared with being trapped in the interstitial time vortex (which he was since Janruary 2016!). Many tihngs have changed since Mwrwce posted here last & he will here updatinate you ! :

  • M¼er³se has changed his email address from HotMaile to GeeMail.! New emale address is: muarice.deprefossor ___AT____ GMaile.con. Email him there soon!
  • M8r8se has lost his job at teh L'Université du Délire Iguane, as he didnt' manage to get there at all during 2016. Stupid nongeynius uniwersities, as if turning up to some stupid nongeynius office & teaching stupid nongenius students could ever be a requihrment for a GEYNIUS to keep hold of his job. !!!!!?!?1!!!
  • CONSEQUENTLY Mèrèésé will now be working Full Thyme at Manutius press as an ediotr. Luckily he can work from his many hosues for tihs. No Need to move to Milan & to work in some nongeynius office wiht nongeynius so-called colleagues! 
  • Moarice's nongeynius brohter Mycroft has moved permanently to Bordeaux & has taken over Morwses chateau tehre, wich he is now calling Chatêau [CLASSIFIED] (becuase he in inteligence used to work --  hence teh stupid nongeynius nonfunny so-called "joke"!). Mùerise heres taht he is making a wery nice Pauillac whine there.
  • Maerhise is now trying to awoid Aglie as he finds him wery iritating.
  • Murice wuold like to find sometihng else other than teh Templars to re-search,. Its" fun & all re-searching tehm & MErise this does not want to stop, BUT also he doesn'ot want to a monomaniac become.
  • &
Eh, that is all for now mes amigos.................

Saturday, 26 September 2015


MES AMIS ... Mèrise has been trawelling back & ford in thyme mutch this month (if teh concept 'this month' aplies given how mutch thymetravel Morwise is doign). It mutch hard work is but he is picking up mutch useful infromation about teh Templars & thwarting their evwil plans throughout history .... and the future! Muoarise has constantly been back to 1278 to talkinate wiht Robert de Craon & playinate chess (EVWEN IF NOBODY OT+THER TAHN MWRICE CAN CHESS PLAYINATE PREOPERLY! aagh it mutch frustratinating is.). Moariçe is posisng as well-known Crusaeder-Night Sir Meirise, a Knight from Upper-Saxonburgy, or something. ANyway teh improtant tihng is taht teh templars are fooleded.

Mérse ahs a dinner wiht Aglèy planned for next TUesday & he & Aglie will discuss Meroíse's infromation (Don"t wory - Mearise will hidinate teh Thyme machine under a cloht in teh Cellar, where Aglye will never it find!!!!1!@#!@!).

MEANWILE moaeirse plans to use teh Thymemachine for someithing other tahn templar-thwarting because its been wery hard * & * thyring work & MErose needs a brake!!!!

EH BIEN .... he will be back.

Sunday, 6 September 2015


MES AMIS .... Mŵriśe is just back from more extendinated thymetravel ... but more abuot that soon. Wehn he left (FRIDAY JUNE 18TH) he had just been to see his asociate Agléy and to him tell him some of the infromation Moaróse had about teh templars founded out from his thymetraweling. Unfrotunately he figurinated out taht Merise must a thymemachine have ,.... and evwen managed to guess wehre Merwçe would it hide , despite how cuning M7erisecs hiding spot was ( teh garage - who:d guess taht a car wuold be kept in teh garage?!?!?!?!1!).

ANYWAY Maeriuse just managed to get ahed of Agley & leap in teh thymemachine & engage thymetravel and driveinate off into teh past before Aglíe could jump on teh tray of teh thymemachine (a conwerted HILUX).

ANYWAY Morŵçe hadnt managed to set a thyme on teh thymemachine so he just ended up in some random thyme ,... unfrotunately taht was in teh midel of teh Cataclysm of 2384 & Méruise only just managed to engage teh thymetrawel and get away before being blowned up wiht a  ruouge microatomuc bomb ... and he ended up in 2293 agin, his new favoerite year (also he has a mobule phone from tehn now withc is grate only it wont work wiht mobilephonenetworks until 2287).

ANWYWAY After a nice relaxingf months holiday here Moerise want back to 1278 and inwestigated / infiltratinated teh nights templars & hung out wiht teh grand master Robert de Craon)


Merise fuonded out abuot many secrit templar plans including a plan to taek over America in 2123 using rouge saterlites taht the templers were [planninating all teh way back in 1287! Incroyable!  And they sed that teh tempalers werent capable of reallly really long term_planning!!>!>@!1!??

ANYWAY it all wery waluable research was & tehn Merise set teh clock on teh thymemachine to get him back to teh presernt about a week after he left Aglèiè ---- enough thyme taht Agly woul;d ahve got discoraged & gone awya but not too mutch time. Come to think of it waht date is it? Merise hopes he didnt overshoot. Its still JUNE AD2015 rite???!?!@@?@#41!!!!!!!!!!?

Sunday, 14 June 2015

Thyme Machine

MES AMIS .... Mioarise has gotted his thymemachine workinating! It mutch exciting is. It took mutch more thyme than he origininally thoughted it would do (but whats time when you ahve a thyme machine?!?!?) but taht's life. Or not,. ANYWAYS taht not teh point is, teh point is taht Meorise now wonce again has a fully functional thymemachine and he wiht it is mutch pleased.

Initially tehre was some doubt in Moawrises mind as to what kind of wehicle to attachinate teh timettravel technologie to. Initially Muari çce planed to add it to a BRAND NEW BOENGBUS747 taht he'd buy himslef just for tihs purpose. But tehn he rembered taht tehre were not taht many hairports prior to teh inwention of teh hairyplane by Templar Grand Master Sir Jacques von Calais in 1739 (subsequently hushed up & repressed till the Right Brothers in 1864.). So TAHT wasn"t a good option.

Tehn he decided to lookinate around his Italian farm farmyard and see waht he had to hadn. An old Rolls Royce? A spare Tractor? Prehaps. But tehn he found what perfect was: a beatup old 1985 Toyota HiluX! He decided it perfect would be. AND IT WAS. if a little rusty. ok ok mes amis wery rusty & wiht torn seats $& a gearbox taht goes CRUNCH every thyme Moiruise changes gaer & a handbreak taht doesn"t work & a dodgy clutch & cetra & cetra & cetrra . But still, it good is. Unfrotunately even timetravel cannot fix teh rust.

First of all he wented back to Parris in A.D. 890 wehre he acidentally shortened teh Siege of Paris somewhat (OOPS!). Tehn he went for a quick jaunt into teh future (but not too far, mes amis,  Anything aftrer teh 11th Great War of 2335 or teh Cataclysm of 2384 is just too horible for words) so he just to A. D. 2293 went (a favourite of hiS!). Tehn he came back. And wrote tihs.

SO. So . MErise now once again has timetravel & tihs good for teh uniweres is. But this time he WONT tell Agley.